The importance of confrontation
Many types often struggle with confrontation. I believe this is due to fear of uncertainty when it comes to how the person on the receiving of the confrontation could react. The bigger the issue is to us, the more likely we back away from confrontation. However, and I am quite sure this isn't going to be news to many of you, confrontation is the best way to go.
Confrontation is not done through:
- Aggression
- Being defensive
- Hostility
- Attitude
You get the picture.
Although often we let emotions run rampant after they have been accumulating for so long and then all the aforementioned becomes the style of confrontation that takes place.
Confrontation should be:
Addressing the issue calmly in a focused manner without turning defensive.
What does that look like?
Well let us take an example. Person X (pX) felt disrespected by Person Y (pY) because pY wasn't considerate towards pX during a group discussion where pY often cut pX off and never let them finish their point as well as took over and led the conversation.
The right way to confront this would be:
hey pY, you got a minute to talk? I just wanted to bring up that group discussion we had the other day. Something bothered me and I'm bringing this up because I don't think you realized that you were cutting me off and not letting me finish a point during that group discussion we had.
It is simple, straight to the point. You communicated something that happened without making an accusation, if fact you even expressed that you are giving them the benefit of the doubt letting them know that you do see them in a good light.
So why is it that many have a hard time confronting a situation? Well because they feel strongly about either the situation or the person they are confronting. It creates a fear that they will either end up unheard or the person they care about won't react favorably ad on the extreme end even stop liking them.
But here's the thing, we never know how anyone will react and it is unfair of us to assume it. We should concern ourselves more with making sure we communicate the issue as it is and avoid additional flair, past situations, accusatory tones, aggression, etc.
This doesn't mean that how a person responds later isn't important at all. But it becomes a concern only while they are actually reacting to your confrontation.
This is what's important.
Confrontation reveals truths and can improve a situation, resolve issues, or reveal people's true character as well as helps us in setting healthy boundaries.
So what you need to look out for in reactions and responses are:
- Are they listening?
- Did they reflect on what you said or did they dismiss it?
- Are they handling the discomfort well?
- Are they willing to repair things?
- Are they dismissive? do they mock you? do they deflect you? (you get the idea)
So answering these questions helps you understand where you stand with a person, how to set boundaries with people, communicate how you expect to be respected, and what this person is actually like.
Confrontation is very important, but how it is done is equally important.