u/LandscapeReady

I grew up in a joint family setup with all my cousins and grandparents. I was the only girl among the kids, so I grew up only with brothers. I was also the youngest among all.

As I grew up, I felt almost a daily struggle with their poor bathroom hygeine and ettiquette. I was firm about not liking this to my parents and initially didn't tell them directly about how grossed out I felt in the bathrooms. My parents made a polite mention and so did I later on, but to no respite. Later, due to many more reasons beyond this discussion, we (my parents and I) moved out. Even when they occasionally visited us at our new place, they would leave the bathroom in an unusable condition.

Fast forward some 20 years. Today all my cousins are married and have moved out of their parents home. I've visited all of their places. Their bathrooms are now spotless. Perfectly kept. How did they suddenly change behavior they were unable to for 20 years?! The only reasonable guess I can make is that their wives demanaded better bathroom ettiquette as a bare minimum and dealbreaker. Suddenly now, they fall in line. This sheer entitlement mentality (''raja beta syndrome") is sickening. At least I'm glad their wives don't have to put up with what I did.

Growing up in India, I took interest in many art forms — bharatanatyam, carnatic vocals, veena, painting, drawing and handicrafts. I left bharatanatyam within 6 months because I didn't like it. Invested significant time and sincere effort in the others but eventually had to leave veena as well because of a mysogynistic teacher who indugled in favouritism and politics.

On sharing my experience with friends, they revealed that such attitude is very common in all fine arts circles. A friend told me that seniors in bharatanatyam classes are asked to teach the juniors on behalf of the teacher for no additional stipend or pay. Some teachers refuse to teach students based on background. Many teachers play favourites and play on students' pyschology to destroy other students' confidence. Knowledge is often gatekept for the fear of the student outshining the teacher at some point.

It feels like we are still stuck in Ekalavya's time. The modern fine arts scene is no different from the classist shit we read about in history.

I still remember my very first day at my first job. I called my manager "ma'am" and was immediately told by her that I could address her by her name. This lady was just slightly younger than my mom. The first few times I said her name to address her, it felt really really awkward and wrong. I felt uncomfortable because in Indian culture, it is generally frowned upon to call someone older than you by their name. Took me a while to normalise this first-name culture in corporate.

A few years later, I realised some people use the suffix 'san' to sound respectful and I somehow really like this lingo. I'm now a few years into working and it can casually address even VPs by their first name but initially it was very weird for me to get used to.

I (25F) grew up in a family with a stay-at home-mother and my father was the breadwinner. However, they both had immense respect for each other's work and never questioned the other's way of working or belittled each other for it. They agreed to this split of duties before marriage and I've always seen them respect their team dynamics.

As I grow older now, I feel conflicted about my future. I have studied and worked hard to build a career I am proud of. But, since all I have experienced is a stay-at-home-mom, I sometimes wonder how my kids would feel if I don't give them my time, energy and support as my mom did and chose work instead. I have seen some cases where both parents went to work (seen both positive and negative outcomes), but only seen what's visible from the outside. My mom too had a career until she had kids and gave it up to raise us.

I want to hear from those who grew up in a similar setup (with just 1 working parent), but when you yourself became a parent, decided it would be better if both parents work. What major differences did you feel worked in your (and your family's) favour, as compared to your own childhood? Were you able to be present for your kids emotionally as your parents were?

Opinions are also welcome from those who opted for the single breadwinner model. What made you prefer this over having both working?

I know the bigest problem cited with this setup is that the woman is often belittled for not having any monetary contribution to the family. However, my partner and I were both raised in a traditional single breadwinner setup and we both believe that caregiving is an equally dignified activity as is bringing in monetary support. I'm positive that there will be respect in the relationship regardless of one's monetary contribution to the family.

Would love to hear about your experiences before I make my decision.

In a recent conversation with my brother and father, my brother pointed out how almost all tax money is suboptimally used — at least for the average taxpayer. Though I was aware of this, I was under the assumption that as India grows, it becomes more developed, so more tax payers and better the quality of life. But my brother quickly corrected my us and said that taxpayers are an abysmally low minority in India. Policy is largely made for the vote bank — most of whom don't pay tax and love freebies. This accountability gap will make sure that tax money never benefits the taxpayers. And the cycle perputuates as long as taxpayers are the minority.

He went on to say that democracy isn't gonna get us anywhere. If you want to see real development, the Singapore model is the way to go. Yes, its dictatorship for a few years but its better in the long run for everyone.

This conversation made me realise that India can never truly become a developed country. Its not that its not in this decade, or this century, but NEVER! And that hit hard.

I am an Indian national and have lived in India all my life. I've always believed in India's growth story. That with hardwork, we will one day be like Germany or the USA, especially with our advantage of the demographic dividend. But hearing this made me lose hope. And quite frankly, this breaks my heart.

Edit: While I understand that dictatorship is absolutely not a solution as pointed out in many of the comments, I don't think asking for a system with better accountability is too much.

This one is for all the new vegans in the house. I (25F) have been vegan for 6+ years.

Vitamin B12 and D3 are lacking in a modern everyday diet (and more so in vegan diet). Mere knowledge of this fact is not enough. It is absolutely essential for you to get your bloodwork done yearly, take supplements regularly and maintain healthy levels of these vitamins. I knew about how common this vitamin deficiency was for vegans. Yet, I just took supplements sporadically. I was sure that this won't become something to worry about and thought I will definitely catch any deficiency before it occurs.

What actually happened? Around year 4 of being vegan, I went into severe depression. Suffered from fatigue, lost interest in everyday life and had poor emotional control. My blood reports showed that there was serious cause for concern. My B12 and D3 levels had dropped to a dangerously low level. I needed shots immediately followed by oral supplements everyday. 2 years since this incident and I've been more diligent about taking supplements regularly, getting vitamin levels checked and maintaining them. Throughout this journey, I also learnt that an overdose of vitamins (D3 especially) can also be harmful. So please get your levels tested and consult your doctor, before taking any supplements.

Please don't wait for something like this to happen to you before you take action. Preventive care can save you a lot of suffering. And remember, non-vegans will take any chance to tell you "see, this is why you shouldn't be vegan". Please take care of yourself and don't give them a chance to say this.

Growing up, punishments at home always meant thoppukarnam. And not like 10, 20 or even 50 reps. "Kaal odinju vizharavaraikum thoppukarnam podu". Still remember my ultra sore legs the day after, everytime I went throught this experience. Even moving from a sitting to standing position and vice-versa was incredibly painful. Was Is this unique to my family or did anyone else also have a similar experience at home?

Crazy to me that later in my adult life this was rebranded and popularised as "brain yoga" lol.

I (25F) was raised mostly by my mother. My dad works and contributes to the household monetarily while my stay-at-home mum took up caregiving and managed the home. Growing up, my dad was always extremely strict whenever he interacted with us (kids). Studies were meant to be taken seriously, best behaviour was important and the smallest of missteps were reprimanded. I was constantly compared to my cousins (we were initially in a joint family setup) by him. The narrative was always that they were doing better than me in every aspect. I knew that was not true even then, but was too afraid to speak up. But at that tender age, it quitely affected my confidence. He mostly never even attended our first day at school or even gave me any attention. He did attend a couple milestone events here and there but certainly not like my mom who showed up at all of them.

I'm now 25. Finished 2 degrees, both from reputed schools in India. Secured a wonderful job. Today I know my worth even if my dad thinks otherwise. I don't need his validation to feel confident. I confronted him about his excessive strictness some months back and he says he feels sorry. He also said that he is actually proud of me now and feels sorry for comparing me to my cousins and belittling me. I didn't know whether to believe him, but I just accepted the apology and moved on.

But here's what I wasn't ready for. My dad wants to drop me to my first day at my new job. My dad isn't retired. He's still working. And he too has work on that day. I'm surprised. The same guy who couldn't attend my first day at school is now adamant about dropping me to my first day at work?! I'm not even a child now that I would want someone to drop me. Mind you, I've moved cities on my own for college and work previously. This just felt super special. I can't describe how it made me feel.

Yes, I did have a super strict dad growing up. Can't change that. But now today, I feel I won at life. My dad really does love me.

It's been 2 years since I (25F) left my toxic job. It was my first job out of college. However, the company was not new to me. I had interned at this company after my 3rd year of BTech and received a PPO (offer for full-time position after completion of degree). My internship team was really good. Manager and team were very supportive so I decided to take the PPO. Most people in that team had started their careers there and never left. So it was a total green flag. However, when I joined full time, I was placed in an adjacent team under the same VP. Completely different vertical.

The next 2 years were hell. Toxic manager. In the month that I joined, almost the whole team was revamped — old folks left and many newbies joined. KT was rushed and since everyone was new, nobody knew how certain workflows functioned or why they were designed to be so. Can't fathom today the kind of things my manager normalised. Working on weekends was expected. When I thought because its the weekend, I can at least work at my own pace, I was reprimanded for giving updates every 2 hours. I was told that I was a diversity hire. There was a layoff during my time there. He spread a rumor that I was on the hitlist. I didn't end up getting laid off but when such a rumor is out amongst those I spend all my working hours with, I really didn't feel comfortable. Coworkers I confided in ratted me out. When I raised concerns about lack of mentorship, I was told that I'm not good enough. My confidence was completely destroyed. I started questioning whether everything I achieved till then was due to luck. Be it tier-1 college, internship in this company, PPO, and how I worked to be good at my hobbies. Even started gaslighting myself that my partner would leave me (we had just started dating and I felt he would leave me if discovered I was a phony).

Even when I left, I didn't say anything when asked if something was wrong with the team culture. And I left for higher studies, not to work at another firm. But instead, I got a bunch of bitter comments in my farewell — not technically adept, maybe you can make your future in another field, you are good for becoming an HR. I know people from the same company who were allowed to leave with just 3 weeks notice. But when I wanted to serve only 50 of my 60 day notice, I was met with a lot of resistance. No support. "You can try to negotiate this with the HR", when it would've been 10 times smoother if my manager would just put in a word.

It is only now, 2 years since I left that I realise that I was an invaluable resource to the team. Was I the best engineer on the team? Definitely not. But I can name at least a few others on the team who were definitely not as good as me despite having far more experience than me. And I know today that being a good engineer is not just about being the best coder. It also involves good communication, documentation and logical problem solving. And if I may say so myself, I was arguably the best in my team in these aspects.

During the entire ordeal, only 1 person (or rather, 2 people but I realise that only now) was present for me. My partner. We had just began dating. But he was my absolute rock throughout this journey. There was a girl in my team who had joined as a lead 6 months before I left. As she was new, I wasn't close to her, but since I was the only fresher on the team, she was asking me about my experience, whether I liked my work and the team. I initially didn't say much but during a team outing when we were alone she urged me to be candid because anyways I wasn't directly reporting to her (she was staffed on a different project). I was honest and told her that about the rumors about me being on the layoff hitlist and said how bad I felt working in such an environment. She said, "As someone in the leads meeting, I know for a fact that you weren't. There was someone else but I don't want to divulge those details." At the time, I didn't believe her. But today, 2 years later, while writing my resume and reviewing it, I realise how much great work I had done in that team despite zero guidance.

It really matters who you surround yourself with. So if you're in such a place, leave without a second thought. Better things are waiting for you the second you decide to be kinder to yourself.

I (25F) am not really content with my career. I've done a BTech + MBA both from tier-1 schools in India. Post BTech I worked at a global MNC for 2 years as a software engineer before going for my MBA. I now work in consulting.

But its not as rosy at it sounds. Back when I was 15-16, I really wanted to become a doctor. I loved biology and honestly hated math. But my parents persuaded me to pick engineering giving me a bunch of reasons ranging from "doctors in India can't make a high income without being unethical in perscribing treatments/medicines" to "it's not easy to move abroad if you're a doctor". So despite my poor flair for math, I worked incredibly hard to get where I am today. Never liked my developer job post BTech either so switched to MBA. Now I've just started my consultant job but I'm not sure I'm gonna enjoy this either. Back when I decided to leave my software engineer job, I decided to stay in India so that's why pursued a masters degree here. However many instances during my masters journey have motivated me immigrate. I am not really happy with the quality of work and life in India. Found out much later that my parents would've sent me abroad if I was a male child. They decided I was not worthy enough to be sent abroad for studies without being married first.

Now of course that breaks my heart, but now it's useless to debate if my parents made the right call because they perhaps didn't know anyone from the family who pursued this path. I want some honest and realistic advice from someone who has also faced similar dissatisfaction in their career earlier or has helped someone navigate it.

1. I want to know if I'm stupid for even thinking of giving medicine a shot at the age of 25 by essentially starting over.
2. Should I give consulting an honest chance by continuing to work here for 1-2 years before I decide to move on or make the decision now? In the case that I decide to move on, I'm already 25, staying would delay my plans to start over by another 2 years given that medicine is an arduous journey of 10-15 years.
3. If my eventual plan is to move abroad, which path makes the most sense?
4. I also sometimes begin to think that I'm perhaps the problem. That perhaps it's not the type of job, but corporate culture itself that I'm unable to adapt to. If there's someone here who has worked as a doctor and in any other profession, how different is working as a medical doctor compared to a corporate office environment?

I (25F) am not really content with my career. I've done a BTech + MBA both from tier-1 schools in India. Post BTech I worked at a global MNC for 2 years as a software engineer before going for my MBA. I now work in consulting.

But its not as rosy at it sounds. Back when I was 15-16, I really wanted to become a doctor. I loved biology and honestly hated math. But my parents persuaded me to pick engineering giving me a bunch of reasons ranging from "doctors in India can't make a high income without being unethical in perscribing treatments/medicines" to "it's not easy to move abroad if you're a doctor". So despite my poor flair for math, I worked incredibly hard to get where I am today. Never liked my developer job post BTech either so switched to MBA. Now I've just started my consultant job but I'm not sure I'm gonna enjoy this either. Back when I decided to leave my software engineer job, I decided to stay in India so that's why pursued a masters degree here. However many instances during my masters journey have motivated me immigrate. I am not really happy with the quality of work and life in India. Found out much later that my parents would've sent me abroad if I was a male child. They decided I was not worthy enough to be sent abroad for studies without being married first.

Now of course that breaks my heart, but now it's useless to debate if my parents made the right call because they perhaps didn't know anyone from the family who pursued this path. I want some honest and realistic advice from someone who has also faced similar dissatisfaction in their career earlier or has helped someone navigate it.

1. I want to know if I'm stupid for even thinking of giving medicine a shot at the age of 25 by essentially starting over.
2. Should I give consulting an honest chance by continuing to work here for 1-2 years before I decide to move on or make the decision now? In the case that I decide to move on, I'm already 25, staying would delay my plans to start over by another 2 years given that medicine is an arduous journey of 10-15 years.
3. If my eventual plan is to move abroad, which path makes the most sense?
4. I also sometimes begin to think that I'm perhaps the problem. That perhaps it's not the type of job, but corporate culture itself that I'm unable to adapt to. If there's someone here who has worked as a doctor and in any other profession, how different is working as a medical doctor compared to a corporate office environment?

I (25F) am not really content with my career. I've done a BTech + MBA both from tier-1 schools in India. Post BTech I worked at a global MNC for 2 years as a software engineer before going for my MBA. I now work in consulting.

But its not as rosy at it sounds. Back when I was 15-16, I really wanted to become a doctor. I loved biology and honestly hated math. But my parents persuaded me to pick engineering giving me a bunch of reasons ranging from "doctors in India can't make a high income without being unethical in perscribing treatments/medicines" to "it's not easy to move abroad if you're a doctor". So despite my poor flair for math, I worked incredibly hard to get where I am today. Never liked my developer job post BTech either so switched to MBA. Now I've just started my consultant job but I'm not sure I'm gonna enjoy this either. Back when I decided to leave my software engineer job, I decided to stay in India so that's why pursued a masters degree here. However many instances during my masters journey have motivated me immigrate. I am not really happy with the quality of work and life in India. Found out much later that my parents would've sent me abroad if I was a male child. They decided I was not worthy enough to be sent abroad for studies without being married first.

Now of course that breaks my heart, but now it's useless to debate if my parents made the right call because they perhaps didn't know anyone from the family who pursued this path. I want some honest and realistic advice from someone who has also faced similar dissatisfaction in their career earlier or has helped someone navigate it.

1. I want to know if I'm stupid for even thinking of giving medicine a shot at the age of 25 by essentially starting over.
2. Should I give consulting an honest chance by continuing to work here for 1-2 years before I decide to move on or make the decision now? In the case that I decide to move on, I'm already 25, staying would delay my plans to start over by another 2 years given that medicine is an arduous journey of 10-15 years.
3. If my eventual plan is to move abroad, which path makes the most sense?
4. I also sometimes begin to think that I'm perhaps the problem. That perhaps it's not the type of job, but corporate culture itself that I'm unable to adapt to. If there's someone here who has worked as a doctor and in any other profession, how different is working as a medical doctor compared to a corporate office environment?

Seeing a trend where a lot of conventionally attractive women get what they want in life, not for their effort or work, but simply by virtue of their beauty.

For context, I (25F) grew up in urban India and growing up my parents always stressed on the importance of career equally for both my brother and I. So I've always equated success with hardwork. Off late, I've seen a lot of my peers get married to live their dream life. Be it whatever they want — moving abroad, never having to work again or even just getting a partner who respects them well.

Now that I think about it, I can think of more than 5-6 examples of comparable women from my own friends and family, all from different periods of time, where one is incredibly career oriented and hard working, but isn't as pretty as the other. And the beautiful one, who's usually quite chill and doesn't stress much over career almost always ends up in a better place in life.

As someone who's always worked hard to build her life, this realisation hit me like a truck because I'm not someone who's conventionally attractive (at least by Indian standards). I feel a little bad that the only thing that actually matters is something beyond my control.

Not sure if this is unique to our community, but this idea of marrying siblings in birth order is getting out of hand. Heck, it doesn't even make sense if everyone were to get arranged marriage. Humans aren't commodities ffs. Even if you are getting an arranged marriage, you'd check if your vibe matches and if their long term goals align with yours.

Zero logic in this argument in my opinion. My partner and I have expressed to our parents our intention to marry now (after 4 years of being together). My parents aren't on board because my partner has an older sister who's unmarried and she's not even sure she wants to marry. I feel pressuring her is wrong and I wouldn't do that. I can't postpone my life indefinitely because of this, as they won't let us move in together before marriage. Now my parents have given me justifications saying the older one will never get married then. My partner's parents however, are quite understanding and don't mind us marrying right away.

Can someone please tell me if there is any sensible reason to justify this?

Recently finished my MBA from A tier-1 b-school in India and started a job. Prior to that, I've done my BTech from a tier-1 engineering college and worked at a global tech giant. I went for an MBA because I didn't like my team and the work culture in my company and MBA from a tier-1 b-school in India seemed like a dignified exit (at the time).

Looking back, there were probably better ways to tackle this career dissatisfaction than to completely pivot into an MBA. I could've perhaps looked into switching to another company or used my network to get opportunities in adjacent fields. This would've avoided the MBA loan burden and I would've also gotten a few more years of experience under my belt as the maeket is clearly leaning towards candidates with more experience rather than just degrees.

I am an introvert and feel my personality fits better with an individual contributer role rather than in management. Did I make a career blunder?

Is there anyone here who has gone back to being an engineer after an MBA or an unrelated degree? What was your experience? What do you suggest I do now?

I (25F) like to describe myself as a feminist. I subscribe to the idea that women have equal access to education and career opportunities, have equal rights and equally split domestic labor and caregiving responsibilities. I've also worked hard to build one for myself and am proud of it.

However, when I think of the future, maybe in 5-10 years time I have different ambitions. I feel like I'd be failing my children if I am not a stay-at-home mother.

For context, my brother and I were raised by a stay-at-home mom. My dad was always travelling for work and brought in a decent income to support the whole family. The problem is that I can't imagine my childhood without my mum around. She's done a lot for me, not just by cooking for us, but by being emotionally present for moral support, dropped us and picked us up from hobby classes (during primary school) and coaching (in high school) and a lot more.

To top it all off, my extended family are always really rude to me so the only remaining tinsel of self confidence I have, is something I attribute to her support and presence during my childhood. And I'm about 99% sure my brother would agree.

I do feel a bit bad about leaving my career behind, but what's worse is that I'm not sure if wanting such a life for myself in the future doesn't make me a feminist anymore.

What confuses me more is that my mum is college educated and had a career, but she chose this life after a discussion with my dad (before marriage). She also pushed me to be independent and to have a thriving career but expects me to do the same as her when it's time for kids.

I (25F) grew up in urban India, middle class. I recently graduated from a relatively old IIM and have a good (on paper) job lined up in India. I was also lucky enough to experience the exchange semester during my MBA in a good university in Europe. During my exchange term, I simply fell in love with the lifestyle abroad — better infrastructure, better services, work-life balance, air quality, safety (especially as a woman), accessible public transport. I would love to actually build a life and family in such a place, compared to India. I'm actively looking for jobs there, but no luck yet since my exchange program was a non-degree exchange and I have only 2 Indian degrees (MBA and BTech; both from reputed colleges, but in India).

Now I'm having major regret. Here's why.
3 years back, once I was sure I wanted to go to grad school, I had a huge fight with my dad because he recommended that I go abroad for grad school, but he said I must come back to India for work. That sounded absolutely absurd to me. The math didn't make sense — spending in $ or € to earn in rupees. For context, I come from a family where education is seen as a status symbol, instead of a tool to enable a better life. And to clarify, we're definitely not rich. My dad was ready to spend his life savings on my education abroad. I argued that if I were to anyways live in India, I can study in India itself. And at that time, I didn't know that life abroad would be so wonderful since I've been in India all my life. Finally since my mum was also leaning towards studying in India, I went ahead and prepared for CAT, based on which I got into IIM.

My pre-MBA work experience and some incidents during my MBA also showed me that you need 'connections' if you want to operate in this country. Following rules is penalised, and merit is seldom awarded. I'm not saying that such culture absolutely doesn't exist abroad, but for the average person, life is better. You are rewarded for being a law-abiding citizen.

I feel if I had just taken my dad's offer 3 years ago, I'd have been in a much better place now, and would be the perfect launchpad for my career abroad. Anyways, what's done is done. Realistically, what can I do now to acheive my new found dreams?

Also, as an NRI, would you say that my assessment of the situation is correct, or is there some crazy drawback that I'm not taking into account (apart from the obvious visa anxiety and being away from parents)?

With the recent rise of Bhavitha Mandava, as a fellow brown-skinned Indian woman, I've been feeling really happy seeing brown representation on the runway.

This is not to say that there haven't been brown models before, but as someone in a similar age-group as her, it is really heartwarming to see someone from a similar race being lauded internationally as a beautiful person. I've been in India all my life and have been called 'ugly' and 'brown' interchangeably as if they were synonyms by women of my own family! And I've also heard firsthand from countless other Indian girls and women who've experienced a similar plight.

Which leads me to think, if anyone had ever said something like that to her (Bhavitha), her recent rise to fame would've been a huge slap on their faces!

Off late I've been having this inkling that the word origins of 'cricket' (as in the insect), and 'creek' have to be somehow related. Or remotely at least. I haven't found any evidence for this on the internet, so I thought it wouldn't hurt to ask away here.
Apart from the fact that creeks could be inhabited by crickets, I cannot find any other evidence of how they could be related. Is it just me or does anyone else also feel there might be a deeper connection here?

Joined this sub because I grew up outside TN and wasn't exposed to any tamil spoken outside of my house. The only tamil I speak is brahmin tamil at home. And have all these uniquely tambrahm habits that nobody else in my circles understands. But almost every third post on this sub is just matrimonial/dating ad! Guess I came to the wrong place to look for relatable people.