r/tambrahm

Hey everyone,

I’ve been in the AM circle for about two years now and it’s been pretty slow going, literally just a handful of matches, with most rejections happening right at the profile stage.

I’m trying to figure out what’s actually going wrong here. The most obvious thing in my photos is that I have a shaved/bald head. Is hair loss really that much of a dealbreaker for girls and families in our community, or am I overthinking it and missing some other obvious reason?

Maybe that Im in Hyderabad?

For context, my profile is fairly standard on paper Tier-1 education, working in Product Management, active/into fitness, and quite flexible with preferences.

Would love some honest feedback:

How much does hair actually matter during initial profile screening?

If it’s not just the hair, what are other silent rejections that happen at the profile level (photo quality, horoscope filters at the parent level, bio data)?

For any guys in the same boat who shaved their head, did changing how you presented your photos make any difference?

Appreciate any candid inputs. Thanks!

M28, TamBrahm, working in finance in Mumbai.
I’ve heard this stereotype (among many others: We are very smart, educated, studious, religious, and Iyer men are hotter than your amma’s filter coffee — might be a bit biased on the last one 😉) surprisingly often from people across different backgrounds in India—Kannadigas, Telugu, Maharashtrians, Gujarathis, UP folks—that TamBrahms are loud. Loud voices, very assertive and always up to fight, etc.
What makes it funnier is that I’ve had multiple people be genuinely shocked when they found out I’m TamBrahm. The reaction is usually some variation of: “Wait, YOU’RE TamBrahm? But you’re not loud at all” 😂
One person even gave me a hilarious example: they said they were shocked to learn that S. Jaishankar is TamBrahm because he comes across as so quiet/reserved (and was raised in Delhi). But when it came to Nirmala Sitharaman, who grew up in Tamil Nadu, their reaction was basically, “Yeah, that tracks—she’s loud af.” Or even NRI Vivek Ramaswamy who was raised by TN (I think) born parents in White peope’s land. This got me thinking.
Is there actually a TN vs diaspora TamBrahm divide here?
I’m starting to wonder whether TamBrahms born/raised outside TN become a little “North Indian coded” in terms of speech, mannerisms and social behaviour. I was born in Bangalore (appa moved here for his college and then stayed here) and have been raised in Mumbai from 9th standard onwards, so a lot of my formative years were here.
Would be especially curious to hear from TamBrahms raised in Mumbai/Delhi/Bangalore/Pune etc.
And more generally—where do we get our loudness from?? 😭

23M here, a Chartered Accountant working at Goldman Sachs. I’m an Iyengar from Karnataka, and I’m fairly new to the dating scene. I was curious about how people in the Tamil Brahmin community actually go about dating.

It seems a little harder when you’re trying to navigate community/caste preferences, sub-sects, family expectations, etc. At the same time, I’m curious how much of that actually matters when people start dating in their 20s.

For those who are dating or have found someone within the community, how did you meet them?

Dating apps? Mutual friends? Work? Family introductions? Reddit? Or just the classic “somehow we met and it worked” route?

Also curious how people balance their own preferences with family/community expectations.

Would love to hear some real experiences from people in their 20s and early 30s. 😂

Yesterday enna achu na… 😓

Bus la vara apo.., oru couple lover seat la ukkandhu irundhanga.

Avan andha ponna summa nonditu irundhan. Andha ponnu public place nu romba distance maintain panna try pannitu irundha.

But ivan vidave illa 😭 Cheeks kildradhu, hip kildradhu, cheeks la kiss panradhu nu continuously pannitu irundhan.

Avanga personal matter dhaan i get it...

But still public place la ipdi pannalama nu enakku konjam awkward ah irundhuchu... Because literally ellarum avangala paathutu irundhanga. 😓

Adhula oru interesting thing enna na..andha ponnu paaka romba mature ah.. nalla padicha maari.. decent-ah and azhaga irundhanga...

But avan apdiye opposite 😂 Chennai pulingo maari.. weed cap.. dark pink shirt...green pant nu vera level combination.

Enakku literally WTF kiliya pudichi korangu kitta kudutha maari irukke... nu thonuchu 😭

Adha naan en friend kitta sollitu.. yesterday full day adhe thought dhaan mind la odittu irundhuchu.

Like....nammalum decent-ah dress panrom toxic ah illa...girls kitta good distance maintain panrom…

Appo namala oruthi kooda yen notice panna maatranga? 😭

Meanwhile.....

ipdi irukra pasangala epdi girls like pannuranga..love pannuranga nu enakku puriyave illa da.

Ippo inga neraya peru ...

Face ah paathu, dress ah paathu character judge panna koodadhu nu solla varuvaga...

Adhu correct dhaan. Face and dress vechu mattum character judge panna koodadhu.

But dei… avan ganja adikravan pola dha da irukan and then oru girl kita epdi irukanum kuda mannerism kuda ilaye da 😭 Idhuku mela enna character proof venum nu enakku puriyala....

Anyway....

naan yesterday idhellam live ah paathen....Adhanala dhaan konjam overthink aagi...

Actually girls ku enna pudikkum? nu yosichitu irundhen. 😓

Enna mathiri yarachi experience pani irundha solunga kepom 😐😐

Since this sub has a lot of people who might be spiritually inclined and can dissect such phenomenon, I'm discussing this topic here.

​Sathya Sai Baba was a prominent twentieth century godman who claimed to be an omniscient divine avatar and gathered millions of followers worldwide. He built a vast empire that established free supra specialty hospitals, clean drinking water projects, and top tier educational institutions while promoting human values and selfless service.

​My own upbringing was deeply tied to this ecosystem through Balvikas classes, where I learned the Ramayanam, Mahabharatam, Bhagavad Gita, and numerous Shlokams. Sincere ladies who were mostly homemakers (Appointed as Balvikas Gurus) told us stories of our great saints, high spiritual concepts like getting rid of Shad Ripu, Nava vidha Bhakti and showing how pure love for the divine supersedes rigid rituals, while instilling a deep respect for all spiritual paths.

​However, the foundation of this empire rested on verified trickery. His claims of materializing vibhuti, gold chains, and rings out of thin air have been thoroughly exposed on platforms like YouTube as simple magician sleight of hand. It is ironic considering his famous statement that his creations were the result of his divine Siddha Sankalpa, yet the creator of the universe apparently spent his time pulling off cheap parlor tricks to impress followers.

​The ugly reality behind the scenes is far more sinister. There are numerous accounts, both anonymous and on record from former students, detailing systemic sexual abuse, grooming, and inappropriate touching in locations like Puttaparthi and Brindavan. Former national leaders like Robert Priddy from Norway have documented how fair-skinned and attractive young men were specifically chosen for special access to his private quarters, while the organization actively covered up these incidents.

​Where the contrast gets fascinating, especially for Tamil Brahmins, is in the realm of Vedam chanting. In many traditional homes, backward practices like treating daughters as untouchable during their periods are still maintained, while traditional mutts struggle with a shrinking population of Vedic scholars.

Meanwhile, an organization run by a conman welcomed women and foreign devotees, training them to chant complex Suktams with flawless pronunciation, intonation, and mastery of Sanskrit grammar rules like Sandhi. Initiatives by the Radio Sai team and programs like Samyukta Shruthi Sreni enabled women to chant with absolute devotion and precision.

How many traditional Dwijas today can match that level of dedication and accuracy?

It shows how a little inclusivity and kindness, freed from outdated taboos, can draw millions into a fold!

On one hand, there is a deep reverence for traditional orthodoxy and figures like Kanchi Mahaperiyavaa. On the other, it is extremely common to see Sathya Sai Baba's photograph placed right next to traditional deities on the same puja altar. To bridge this gap, a popular rumor is often passed around that Periyavaa once referred to SSB as "Kamakshi Swaroopam," effectively giving orthodox families spiritual permission to worship him.

Many people simultaneously patronize modern movements like Sathya Sai Baba, Isha Yoga, or Brahma Kumaris. We pride ourselves on scriptural adherence, yet easily fall for charismatic figures without questioning their background.

​My own disillusionment happened suddenly when I stumbled upon a YouTube channel called Light of Truth out of sheer curiosity. That led me down a rabbit hole of investigative books, BBC documentaries like The Secret Swami, articles by rationalist Basava Premanand, and extensive blogs by former insiders. It was shocking to realize how much of this critical documentation has been systematically erased, suppressed, or legally challenged off the internet.

​Coming out of this experience did not make me an atheist or destroy my love for Sanatana Dharma. Instead, it freed my faith. I still treasure the music, the Vedam chanting, and the noble stories of saints like Adi Shankara and Kannappa Nayanar that I learned as a child. But I no longer delegate my moral authority or spiritual journey to any self-proclaimed godman, mutt, or organization. Pure bhakti needs no middleman.

I used to consistently do Sandhyavandam, now it's been a long time since I have stopped doing it it happened gradually.

Now I don't know how to start again 😭.

Do all of you go through such phases ?

If yes then how do you come out of it ?

And how not to get in this loop?