u/Big-Brocoli

I used to board a 6:47 am train (I think train 3920 — where did train 3920 disappear?) from Princeton Junction (before FIFA days) — and then there’d be another around 7:01 am.

But now there is a train @ 6:30ish and another at 7:07 am.

Why did this change in schedules happen again — I thought there were some changes due to the world cup but should be reserved now, no?

Edit: weekday trains

When I initially received my New Student Orientation details, I was ecstatic - I would be spending time with some of the brightest young minds in the entire country, or maybe even the whole wide world.

There was a chain of drastically important events that ruined my orientation experience completely, which eventually led to me being kicked out, dismantling my entire summer and drastically impacting both my mental and physical health. Furthermore, I believe that this program discriminated against me when kicking me out as I had claimed on my application essays that I was a transgender lesbian, and throughout my orientation experience I faced immense genderist discrimination as well as a certain level of misogyny from orientation staff and other students. 

When I was 8 years old, I was also self-diagnosed with Tourette’s syndrome. For anyone who doesn’t know what this is, Tourette’s syndrome (TS) is a nervous system disorder characterized by repetitive, involuntary movements and sounds called tics. It typically begins in childhood (between ages 5 and 10) and is diagnosed when a person has had both multiple motor tics and at least one vocal tic for more than a year. Unfortunately, my most common tic sounds extremely similar to a racist slur. I’m not going to explicitly state the slur since I’m not racist. Last friday, I went on an insane tic run. I was throwing out tics like Tom Brady, left, right, and center. Unfortunately, one orientation leader thought that this was unacceptable behavior and immediately told me to stop. To this response, my tic became more intense and I started ticking louder. They then told me that I was unfortunately expelled from the program and put on disciplinary notice before my college career had officially even begun.

The conversation went something like this. I’ll use “OL” for orientation leader:

Me: “N*****! N*****!”
OL: “Please stop. You’re making the other students extremely uncomfortable.”
Me: “N*****! N*****!”

After I got kicked out, the advisors rubbed salt in the wound and also contacted my family about what had happened, which led to an extremely awkward conversation about an orientation experience that was already humiliating enough.

I feel like this is an extremely disrespectful and discriminating act against people like me from Rutgers. I am immeasurably disappointed. 

NOTE: IF YOU’RE GOING TO A FUTURE RUTGERS NEW STUDENT ORIENTATION, BE PREPARED. MY EXPERIENCE WAS DEFINITELY NOT THE WELCOME TO COLLEGE I EXPECTED.

M28, TamBrahm, working in finance in Mumbai.
I’ve heard this stereotype (among many others: We are very smart, educated, studious, religious, and Iyer men are hotter than your amma’s filter coffee — might be a bit biased on the last one 😉) surprisingly often from people across different backgrounds in India—Kannadigas, Telugu, Maharashtrians, Gujarathis, UP folks—that TamBrahms are loud. Loud voices, very assertive and always up to fight, etc.
What makes it funnier is that I’ve had multiple people be genuinely shocked when they found out I’m TamBrahm. The reaction is usually some variation of: “Wait, YOU’RE TamBrahm? But you’re not loud at all” 😂
One person even gave me a hilarious example: they said they were shocked to learn that S. Jaishankar is TamBrahm because he comes across as so quiet/reserved (and was raised in Delhi). But when it came to Nirmala Sitharaman, who grew up in Tamil Nadu, their reaction was basically, “Yeah, that tracks—she’s loud af.” Or even NRI Vivek Ramaswamy who was raised by TN (I think) born parents in White peope’s land. This got me thinking.
Is there actually a TN vs diaspora TamBrahm divide here?
I’m starting to wonder whether TamBrahms born/raised outside TN become a little “North Indian coded” in terms of speech, mannerisms and social behaviour. I was born in Bangalore (appa moved here for his college and then stayed here) and have been raised in Mumbai from 9th standard onwards, so a lot of my formative years were here.
Would be especially curious to hear from TamBrahms raised in Mumbai/Delhi/Bangalore/Pune etc.
And more generally—where do we get our loudness from?? 😭

I was always under the impression that a non-Brahmin groom who has not undergone upanayanam cannot wear a poonal or participate in certain rituals that specifically require it. However, I recently saw a wedding on social media where the bride is Tambrahm and the groom was non-Brahmin North Indian but wore a poonal, sported the tripundra, and seemed to follow the traditional Tamil Brahmin groom attire and wedding customs.

That made me curious: is this actually allowed or traditionally accepted? Can a non-Brahmin groom wear a poonal specifically for a Tamil Brahmin-style wedding? Can he sport the tripundra and participate in all the same rituals, or would certain ceremonies normally be modified or omitted?

From what I understand, this custom is believed to date back to very ancient times when girls were sometimes married off as children. In that context, the father took his child in his lap for the duration of the ceremony. Knowing this history, I personally find it difficult to see the practice in the same light anymore.

I’m curious if there are any women here who, because of this (or for any other reason—please do share), decided not to sit on their father’s lap during their kanyadanam. If so, how did you approach the conversation with your family, and what did you do instead?

I’ve been thinking about this lately as a Desi guy (Indian American) dating non-Desi (and Desi) women in the US and I’m curious how other people here feel about it.

Obviously, yes, I know women of all races tend to be hypergamous to some extent—most women want to date someone they perceive as equal or above them financially/intellectually. That’s not unique to Desi women or non-Desi women.

But I can’t help noticing that a lot of the “positive” stereotypes non-Desi women have about Desi men seem less about attractiveness/personality and more about stability and income.

Things like: “Indian guys are educated”, “They make good money”, “They’re family-oriented”, “They don’t divorce easily”, “They’ll settle down”.

On paper those are good stereotypes to have compared to what other men deal with. But sometimes it feels less like genuine desire and more like being viewed as a safe investment or stable provider.

And I guess where I struggle with it is this:

With Desi women, even if hypergamy exists there too, there’s still some mutual cultural understanding and reciprocity through endogamy. Same food, same family structures, same languages/religion/traditions, understanding immigrant parents or Desi family dynamics, preserving culture for future kids, etc. Indian American women also tend to be more ambitious and have better jobs and salaries on their own accord (so not entirely seeing us as piggy banks) on average than non-Desi counterparts.

With non-Desi women, sometimes it can feel like the “benefits” flow mostly one direction:
- the non-Desi women in the relationship gain financial/social stability,
- but the Desi guy slowly loses parts of his culture over time,
- kids become disconnected from language/religion,
- family traditions disappear,
- and there’s less understanding of Desi family dynamics overall (not as close of relationship with husband’s side of family, etc — non Desi women are not only not as submissive as Desi women but they also just cannot acclimate to Desi expectations / family dynamics as Desi women (due to not much fault of their own lol))

I’m not saying interracial relationships can’t work or that all non-Desi women are malicious. I know plenty are genuine and loving. I’m also not saying that Desi women are all angels, but just feel that our USP within the non-Desi female community is more of that as a utility.

I’m more asking whether other Desi men abroad have noticed this “stable choice” perception specifically, and whether it ever makes you feel desired more for utility than for who you actually are.