Do Any Other Desi Men Abroad Feel Like We’re Viewed More as “Stable Providers” Than Actually Desired?
I’ve been thinking about this lately as a Desi guy (Indian American) dating non-Desi (and Desi) women in the US and I’m curious how other people here feel about it.
Obviously, yes, I know women of all races tend to be hypergamous to some extent—most women want to date someone they perceive as equal or above them financially/intellectually. That’s not unique to Desi women or non-Desi women.
But I can’t help noticing that a lot of the “positive” stereotypes non-Desi women have about Desi men seem less about attractiveness/personality and more about stability and income.
Things like: “Indian guys are educated”, “They make good money”, “They’re family-oriented”, “They don’t divorce easily”, “They’ll settle down”.
On paper those are good stereotypes to have compared to what other men deal with. But sometimes it feels less like genuine desire and more like being viewed as a safe investment or stable provider.
And I guess where I struggle with it is this:
With Desi women, even if hypergamy exists there too, there’s still some mutual cultural understanding and reciprocity through endogamy. Same food, same family structures, same languages/religion/traditions, understanding immigrant parents or Desi family dynamics, preserving culture for future kids, etc. Indian American women also tend to be more ambitious and have better jobs and salaries on their own accord (so not entirely seeing us as piggy banks) on average than non-Desi counterparts.
With non-Desi women, sometimes it can feel like the “benefits” flow mostly one direction:
- the non-Desi women in the relationship gain financial/social stability,
- but the Desi guy slowly loses parts of his culture over time,
- kids become disconnected from language/religion,
- family traditions disappear,
- and there’s less understanding of Desi family dynamics overall (not as close of relationship with husband’s side of family, etc — non Desi women are not only not as submissive as Desi women but they also just cannot acclimate to Desi expectations / family dynamics as Desi women (due to not much fault of their own lol))
I’m not saying interracial relationships can’t work or that all non-Desi women are malicious. I know plenty are genuine and loving. I’m also not saying that Desi women are all angels, but just feel that our USP within the non-Desi female community is more of that as a utility.
I’m more asking whether other Desi men abroad have noticed this “stable choice” perception specifically, and whether it ever makes you feel desired more for utility than for who you actually are.