r/SouthAsianMasculinity

Do you guys think desi men usually have to be tall and conventionally attractive to consistently date good-looking non-desi women? I feel like I’ve sometimes seen attractive desi women date average-looking desi guys, but I don’t really see the reverse happen as often with non-desi women. Curious if other people have noticed this too or if I’m just overthinking it. Also, do you guys think there’s a difference when it comes to hookups/casual stuff too or is it easier to hookup with non desi women. I live in america btw. Also what do you guys think the standard is for desi men to date good looking non desi women.

I'm white and I live in Europe but spend a lot of the year in north america, too and I have noticed that I see a lot of couples that are desi men with nondesi, mostly white, women nowadays. It wasn't like that pre covid.

What do you guys say, have you noticed similar developments ?

My brown brothers… I’ve been on here a lot talking about the importance of Desi men in bringing their bodyfat levels down and gaining muscle mass and thought I’d start my own post.

There is an abundance of research that shows the health benefits of keeping bodyfat at a decent percentage and having a decent amount of lean mass on your frame. But if you don’t care about that - just imagine the leveling up this will do for your appearance.

The standard vegetarian Indian diet (i.e. lentils, roti, chapati, naan, curry, dahl) is virtually devoid of protein and incredibly high in carbohydrates and fat depending on how it’s cooked. This is why so many desi people have that “skinny-fat” look… especially if they don’t do any resistance training. By adding significantly more protein to your diet (lean meat, fish, greek yogurt etc.) , being in a calorie deficit and by lifting weights, your physique will improve drastically… even your face will start looking better and more sharper.

Just thought I’d keep spreading good info. Get after it my dudes!

I got matched with a girl and we instantly hit it off. Got insta quickly and we’re talking on instagram frequently. Even had two face times in two weeks. The suddenly the dry messages stared from her end. Idk what happened. Then i tried to set up a meet but was getting postponed which is fine.
Then we finally met. I thought the date went well. But she refused to hold hand. I didn’t force her but made few jokes to keep the atmosphere light hearted. In the end i felt it was a good date. But next day got ghosted and later got message that its not you its me essay….

Is this normal??
I thought date went well would mean atleast second date….

It’s been more than 3 years since I came to Canada. Ever since I came here I noticed it was very easy to spot a South Asian guy who came here recently and a guy who’s born and raised here.

Recently I’ve been seeing a stark difference on how people treat both of these people of same ethnicity . Naturally I want to be on the other side but I don’t know if I am or not ?

A lot of racist post I saw are mainly targeted towards new immigrants and I can get an idea why.

When I reminisce about my first few months in Canada I can’t help but get angry on myself about how I carried myself. It has decreased my confidence whenever I talk to someone of other ethnicities especially women. All these stuff has led me to develop some inferiority complex.I don’t have enough friends and pretty much my entire friend circle is Indian desis. I don’t hate that and I like all my friends but I think being in such a diverse country it doesn’t match.

In the end I just want to say it was very hard to write this and embarrassing too but I hope I can get some meaningful replies.

31M. I have been on dates with over 10 brown women over the course of 2 years and acted respectful, mixed some wholesome humor to flirt, nothing sexual, initiated hand holding and hugging early on but never slept with them

In fact I never bought into the idea of sleeping with women to “play the game” and am a strong believer of the traditional route of nuclear family. I only want to sleep with them if we genuinely love each other after 2-3 months. That being said I’m doing well for myself: $650k NW, $200k TC, fair skinned (if that even matters), 6 ft, slender but not too skinny, and into sports and board games. I grew up as an ABCD but primarily not in schools where other ABCDs went to. I am well aware that I’m not a conventional ABCD who got into one of the cliques like everyone else and basically formed my own identity over the years. I am an established Bay Area native with a good relationship with my parents. I never fell into the “I can’t stand my parents and I’m gonna move out to be independent” crowd. They’re also understanding of my lack of progress in dating after I explained the behavior from these women.

Few observations I made from my dates:

Brown women love to treat brown men like trash/worthless if they don’t fit into their definition of attractive and abandon the relationship out of convenience with generic reasons over text (sometimes over calls). They all have the “move into an established man’s life” mentality instead of the “let’s build a better life for each other together” mentality that I was hoping for even when I explicitly pleaded for it. Some even shamelessly respond to dating app prompts with misandry (ex: “Good men are just average women”).

I don’t go in for a kiss that easily. I feel like that messes up every person’s ability to pair bond genuinely if they go around kissing people so easily. I don’t have an established circle of brown friends but am friends with 5 of them all in their own respective circles and occasionally float around in their circles or with them together in 1 circle. This one is slightly on me, but at the same time I felt like I have to fall prey into the group dynamic if I want to be in one.

That being said I don’t want to go for the recently moved in Indian women with all their family ties back in India. I think I’m reaching the conclusion that I have to find someone outside of my race atp. However, how I should do that is not clear for me. I just want a loyal woman who will occasionally put up with my flaws and I will with her and we frequently communicate concerns with each other and help each other have a better life and become a better person but apparently that’s too much to ask for

Its kinda seems true in my experience. Girls who are not conventionally hot treat me really well compared to the so called 10s who are arrogant and expect to be treated like princesses.

I’ve been thinking about this lately as a Desi guy (Indian American) dating non-Desi (and Desi) women in the US and I’m curious how other people here feel about it.

Obviously, yes, I know women of all races tend to be hypergamous to some extent—most women want to date someone they perceive as equal or above them financially/intellectually. That’s not unique to Desi women or non-Desi women.

But I can’t help noticing that a lot of the “positive” stereotypes non-Desi women have about Desi men seem less about attractiveness/personality and more about stability and income.

Things like: “Indian guys are educated”, “They make good money”, “They’re family-oriented”, “They don’t divorce easily”, “They’ll settle down”.

On paper those are good stereotypes to have compared to what other men deal with. But sometimes it feels less like genuine desire and more like being viewed as a safe investment or stable provider.

And I guess where I struggle with it is this:

With Desi women, even if hypergamy exists there too, there’s still some mutual cultural understanding and reciprocity through endogamy. Same food, same family structures, same languages/religion/traditions, understanding immigrant parents or Desi family dynamics, preserving culture for future kids, etc. Indian American women also tend to be more ambitious and have better jobs and salaries on their own accord (so not entirely seeing us as piggy banks) on average than non-Desi counterparts.

With non-Desi women, sometimes it can feel like the “benefits” flow mostly one direction:
- the non-Desi women in the relationship gain financial/social stability,
- but the Desi guy slowly loses parts of his culture over time,
- kids become disconnected from language/religion,
- family traditions disappear,
- and there’s less understanding of Desi family dynamics overall (not as close of relationship with husband’s side of family, etc — non Desi women are not only not as submissive as Desi women but they also just cannot acclimate to Desi expectations / family dynamics as Desi women (due to not much fault of their own lol))

I’m not saying interracial relationships can’t work or that all non-Desi women are malicious. I know plenty are genuine and loving. I’m also not saying that Desi women are all angels, but just feel that our USP within the non-Desi female community is more of that as a utility.

I’m more asking whether other Desi men abroad have noticed this “stable choice” perception specifically, and whether it ever makes you feel desired more for utility than for who you actually are.

Kill "arranged" marriages. Stop slapping a label of "Indian culture" to cope with and justify it. These "marriages" are a thing because men and women do not want to put ANY effort into actually finding someone meant for them, someone compatible for them. Deeper emphasis on the men: They do not want to put ANY effort into learning how to speak to women, what a talking stage is, or how to be desirable enough to attract and impress her. No, you can't just ask your mother to "find you a partner" because you are unable to attract women, unable to talk to women, studied like a total nerd in hs and college and thus "didn't have time" to date. Stay single, bro.

Also wanna talk about the gap between the first date and the day of the wedding. I say date, but it's more of a job interview, lol. The first date and the day of the wedding is literally 2 months. HOW on earth does someone decide a big decision like marriage when you barely know the woman, you don't know if you wanna spend the rest of your life with her, and y'all literally live in separate houses with your parents.

This shit should be illegal in the US for freaks sake

JP Morgan incident was indeed TRUE

Albanian Executive Director Lorna Hajdini DID sexually harass JP Morgan banker Chirayu Rana (Desi Man)

Later denied it when caught, and now offered to pay a settlement out of court.

I'd like to highlight narratives for this case, or rather destroying said narratives below:

Destroys narrative by white men that

1. Desi men are always only perpetrators of sexual violence

2. White women are always victims of brown men

Destroys narrative of Desi women that:

1. Desi men are unattractive and unwanted by any non Indian women (this has been pointed out before btw but stats say Desi men are marry and date out a decent amount more, and this number definitely needs to increase.

2. Desi men are creepy misogynists who harass women

3. Desi men are bottom of the barrel and always in the wrong

I live in the most chic area of a major city Canada. I just returned from the gym and I am a little disturbed. I go to a group fitness class. Have been going there for close to 6 months. Needless to say, almost everyone knows each other by face, even if we don't remember each others name.

I don't have any hunky-dory expectations from the people around me. Everyone knows the rampant overt racism against Indians on social media, and we see the subtler form of it in real life.

There is a Portuguese/ Brazilian/ Latin American guy in the gym. He talks nicely with almost everyone. I might have spoken with him once, probably months ago. I got a feeling around 2 months ago that he's avoiding me because I am Indian. (Not that I am seeking his attention but I consciously make a note of people who enthusiastically interact with me and who doesn't. I am single , so on the lookout for a partner)

I wanted to ensure I gut feeling is true.

Normally, after our workouts, all partners give fist-bumps to each other.

A few weeks ago, immediately after the workout ended, he gave fist bumps to almost everyone around him and when I appeared right in front of him, he quickly looked in another direction. I mean, the energy after the class was super high and almost everyone was fist-bumping each other, doesn't matter who's beside them. This was the first time I strongly felt he's avoiding me.

Around 10 days ago, he and I were partnered in 1 class and after the class, I was consciously checking if he fist bumps. He did not. So, I gave him one and he gave me a quick one, and it was certainly half-hearted.

What triggers this post is what happened about an hour ago. After the workout, while exiting, I exited first through the door and he was behind me, I held the door open for him. The F***er walked through it as if he was a king and didn't even look at me. No thank you , nothing !! He did not even touch the door. These are basic first world values !!

Here are the thoughts going through my mind.

Some people are absolutely rotten inside. Depraved of humanity. Such a world exists. Some of these people are highly educated and super successful, probably even CEO's of Firtune500 companies. They won't hesitate to see a child starve just to make a buck. Why do I say this? Because another woman who struggles to find a date told me the same thing. The horrible men she met on her dates is compelling her to lose faith in goodness of men.

Normally, its understandable if a woman frowns looking at a man. Its understandable. Maybe she does not look how he looks, or maybe he's untidy and ungroomed, or whatever. But here, I was noticed even men are like that. I mean, men will pull each others legs just to look better in front of their manager or another woman they want. Bro code is dead .

I have crossed my mid-30's and I like to think of myself as one of the most patient men out there. I have been told at least by 2 people close to me that they have never seen me angry. (Only my ex-GF told me I can get super angry). I am a person who gives people many chances before they piss me off and I cut off all contacts. At my age, I have begun to challenge this notion. If anyone disrespects you even once, that should be enough to cease and desist all contacts with him. As a matter of fact, don't be afraid to call them out. For ex - in todays incident, when that a***ole didn't thank me, I should had immediately said , "You are welcome!" or "a thank you would be nice". Nothing wrong with this, right?

Just wanted to vent my heart out.

Been living in central London for nearly 3 years now and run a business contracting both private homes and commercial. I’ve seen it so much online that oh being straight and white is terrible in landing a white collar job and how diversity inclusion means ethnics get them.

But in my experience this is false. When walking around the city during peak commute times most workers are mostly white men and women with a few ethics. I don’t understand where this rhetoric comes from where white people think ethnics get jobs before them.