u/LarkAlaric

Seriously feels like every single adult in my life failed me. Never cared about how abused or violated I was at school, home, or anywhere else. Just feels like all my non-abusive adult family members just assumed I was okay because I was quiet and well-behaved. Why didn’t they fucking care? Why didn’t they see I was in pain?

Just thought I’d start a thread for people to vent and talk about it if they wanted to

The universe hated me so much it gave me this disgusting body, this awful skin color and this horrible mental disease. I will never be normal, white, or pretty. My parents passed on their inferior genetics and basically doomed me to a life as a filthy subhuman. I hate myself so much. I hate my hair. I hate my skin color. I hate my disgusting eyes. I hate my lips and my nose. I’m a wretched freak. No wonder nobody loves me. Nobody would ever want to trade places with me. I’m so gross. No wonder kids in school always bullied me. I’m a freak. I’m tainted.

The best thing I could do for myself is kill myself so I can spare myself the embarrassment of being a worthless degenerate that society hates. I hope my birth parents suffer in hell for all eternity for what they did to me. they ruined my life before I was even born. I will never be normal. I will never be loved. I’m pathetic and a disgusting excuse for a person. I’m filthy and lowly. I wish I was born in the 50s so I could’ve been hatecrimed to death or lobotomized in an asylum. I don’t deserve to live. I make the trans community look worse by existing. It’s a crime that someone like me was ever born

I will forever be inferior to white women. They’ll always look down on me and see me as disgusting. So many of my white woman friends have competed with me to knock me down a peg. I’m worthless compared to them. They’re pretty with perfect genetics and I’m a useless darkie with ugly skin

All my life I’ve realized why everyone else I meet has community, a family, a lover, a lot of friends, and respect and love. I realize now that they were born worthy. It’s not that they got lucky, they were just born better than me. That’s what it feels like. Luck doesn’t exist, power and leverage does.

The reason why I think I was abused is that at my very conception I was doomed to a life as a lower person. I was never going to have the right skin color, the right body, the right family. In the instant I was conceived my entire life was decided for me. It’s why literally everyone in my life is happier, more accepted, and more necessary than me. I was born to be a punching bag. I was born wrong and deficient. There was never any shot of me being a human being.

I’m likely never going to feel or be seen as human. I’n never going to have what everyone else I know has. I was likely destined to die at a much earlier age, but because I survived the universe is punishing me for all eternity. I never stood a chance. I was always going to be abused, raped, humiliated, ostracized. All my abusers, my bullies, my former friends, my family—all of them can see that I’m not human. They can all see that I’m not worth anything. It’s why they mistreat me. It’s why they hurt me. You can’t hurt something that doesn’t have a heart or a soul.

God, the universe, whatever higher power that exists probably made me so that everyone would have an acceptable punching bag instead of turning around and hurting the actual humans. I was always going to be a sacrifice. My rapists could sense that I was an appropriate target. How else to feel powerful than to talk power away from an object that can’t feel or be anything? I don’t even know if I’m angry at them anymore. They were just treating me the way everyone else does. If anything they saw me for how lowly and pathetic I truly am. I was always going to be hurt and abused, why else would I exist?

Anyone else feel the way I do?