u/LavPupRanvii

I wonder if half foots live shorter because of a factor that they don’t really have much mana to do magic? Of course, I think the manga shows it pretty clearly that half foots face horrid prejudice and racism, significantly more so than most of the other humans (I’d say the most actually if we’re not counting Demi-humans). With all of that in mind, that would mean they probably experience medical racism, and considering they’re not a race that can really study healing magic (probably one of the worlds best medical treatments) nor would they so easily have friends/ family specialised in this, they immediately lack as much access to healthcare as most others would.
Dwarves I believe also have low mana, but they have a close relationship to gnomes who definitely do not, as well as dwarves are (again) not the main targets to systemic racism, unlike half foots, so medical treatment naturally comes easier.

Of course, I think their lifespan is a result of many many things. Like their body size, their time period… etc. But lack of accessibility to medical treatment isn’t something I’ve seen discussed enough! Unless I’m not looking enough idk.
This would be more of a headcanon but I imagine if tall men and half foot were treated fully equally systemically then they could probably have the exact same lifespan.

I always find this topic so interesting especially because Chilchuck is technically middle aged by the terms of his society, so even if mentally he might actually be younger than what a lot of people scratch him up to be (like 50) he still has a maturity grown from cultural norms and perspective. In short words: the dude could equate to a 36 year old but in his pov he’s 45 (very different).

Tw: self harm, OD, suicidal topics
I put spoiler because idk if nsfw includes the trigger warnings…

Summary:
I only really care about people when I’m affected or can be affected, well usually, I have cried to sad stories before, but then I just move on and don’t give a shit.

I’m 15 (F) if that context helps at all.

The one slight exception I’ve found to this is my cousin or others talking about people I don’t know, or experiences I wasn’t there for and have already happened without my influence:
for example she’ll mention people she works with in uni, they are not paying attention and expect her to do the work entirely.
I get very irritated hearing that and can empathise with her, or she mentioned her friend having her heart spike to 190 without any reason for hours as doctors ignored her critical state and took an excess of blood tests leaving her all purple, just to say they don’t know, I felt pity there.

The problem is tho, I think I only really cared because deep down I knew that can and probably will happen to me. Both instances were forms of misogyny, something I’m affected by directly, and so in my mind I wasn’t caring for them even if I felt frustration:

I was caring for if that happened to me.

With closer people who have experiences I may impact more, like friends, if someone opened up vulnerably to me, I honestly would see it as more demanding and exhausting, I couldn’t care less about them it seems, though I’m again logically understanding it’s tough for them.

If they’re feeling down, it directly impacts me, which is bad and makes me feel bad. If it didn’t affect me I would be fine.
I’m always over exaggerating how sorry I am for someone, because if I don’t my profile will be seen as heartless.
This may be a stretch but I feel if someone was currently hurting themselves and telling me, as selfish and disgusting as it is I would only be supportive enough to save my image as a good person, and try and actually support as little as possible so I can conserve energy, and if something goes bad it can’t be blamed on someone who tried.

Last example I’d have of this is wanting to die, I want to die, I have no more desire to live and every day a good way to word it is feeling like I’m rotting and people are trying to preserve a fertilising body.
I attempted a few months back, overdose.
Not sure if it was an attempt but I told people it was. It was something to make sure I could at least send myself into some kind of brain damaged state so I could allow my life to be less demanding to me getting better. And have constant care without a need or responsibility if I can’t handle it, I got attention and a sick role, even if severely painful, and nobodies trying to (what feels like mind) control me out of my mindset!!

But I found dying wasn’t a horrible fate either and would likely be easier. (sadly I greatly overestimated 3 bottles of 2nd generation antihistamine).

When I felt fine and told a friend I attempted to “get it off my chest” (true but also because it was almost compulsive, to receive that attention for being mentally ill even if I knew I’d hate it, but that’s a different topic).

A&E I went, mum and dad heard, medical professionals heard, they all bought my “she just wants to get better she doesn’t understand herself” act etc etc. Where this ties is that I’ve realised I really hate how guilty I feel for seeing my mum and dad sad, because it’s affecting my life a lot and that sucks.

(I know they’re feeling difficult emotions, again I feel really numb and even if I conceptualise it I only care if it’s about me- what a selfish prick honestly).

So if I attempted again, and succeeded in a hypothetical. Then I don’t give a shit about how I’d affect my parents mental health, I wouldn’t process. I’d be dead, I’m not affected in any way why should I care?!

I’d give a shit if I failed, because I have to deal with it, constant, crying and trying to fix me.
I know this numbness is present about my own emotions even, somehow… idk how to explain, but it is.

This is all probably why I excessively say sorry, it’s all I can say, it’s all that pushes the conversation away while I can express enough remorse, or have to people them whining to get me better; somewhat victimised me further or paints me as someone who deeply understands just doesn’t have the words.

I want to say: I do feel bad, I know that’s shitty, I just feel bad that I don’t feel bad, I feel bad that I’m selfish, I feel bad I am numb to vents people give me, I don’t feel bad about the vents themselves,

I don’t know if I ever have…
This feeling is something I identified a while back, but forgot about.
My memory has been quite fuzzy anyways and I notice I’m becoming more blunt/cold lately to people so maybe this is just a new thing?

But I don’t think it is; it’s hard to know
Sorry if this was too much, I think this fits into mental health like I said..