u/LeeKnows_IceCream

I have my exams soon and I really need to focus, around 5 hours a day. I’m BST time zone but it doesn’t matter too much as long as we roughly study the same times.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m giving up. Everyday is miserable, everything is going wrong nobody’s likes me I’m so unincluded again. My school is meh. I’m so bad with my prayers. I’m shy and can’t hold conversations to save my life, which just makes people more likely to ignore me. My parents won’t let me do anything they won’t even let me go to the uni I want bc I can’t move out. Im stuck here till marriage and I hate it here. Even my own family ignores me, that or they find a way to criticise and blame me for everything. I’ve struggled with feeling ugly and it doesn’t help that my own mother reminds me constantly in the middle of conversations completely unrelated.

I spend each night crying silently, kind of just waiting for someone to notice. People walk into my room and somehow don’t notice I’ve been crying. I want someone to ask if I’m okay but I’ don’t know how to tell people I’m not. And nobody asks or notices anyways. One of my friends said I was irrelevant bc I don’t talk as much. But I literally can’t join in even if I want too.my other friend said she hated me when she first met me.

The one person who I thought actually cared about me and was a really nice friend just isn’t. He literally just ignores me now. Like nothing ever happened. Why does it feel like as people get to know me more, they stop liking me.

I have no one to talk to about any of my worries. My parents just laugh at me when I try telling them. My mum told me she didn’t care and didn’t feel bad for me when I was going through things and when I tried telling me dad once he just went “oh you’re gonna cry again aren’t you as usual” they always tell me I’m weak for crying and it helps with nothing. But what else am I meant to do? . My friends won’t get it. I’m so alone I dot. See the point of being here anymore. I just wish there was a way to disappear from everyone else and be alone.

But even when I think about this I just feel worse - like these aren’t even serious problems I’m just attention seeking or making myself the victim. Loads of other people have way worse problems. And no one suspects anything bc I still look like I’m happy.

I’ve thought about telling teachers, but I don’t know where to begin in telling them without problem dumping and even then they’ll just tell my parents creating a whole load is problems. So I don’t really know what to do but i don’t know how much longer I can really go on for.

Basically I want to go into medicine and the only unis my parents will let me go to need A*AA and I got AAB as my predicted grades which were a shock as I’ve been doing so much better then that this whole year. My maths teacher said she’d talk to the head of maths to get my grade from a b to an a. And I just need bio to get up to an A* as I’ve been top of my class all year and doing really well in it. Essentially I need to revise all subjects to prove I can get my grades up but I also have to revise for my ucat which is on September 5th.

I don’t know how to fit all of this revision in without burning out and giving up.