Just started training consistently, and lowkey don’t know anything about how to get my physique where I want it? I’ve been casual when lifting, and want to be the best I can be. What’s the move? Any advice is appreciated!
This nightmare of a situation finally came to an end four weeks ago.
For backstory, my gf and I fell for each other on vacation with my old friend group. She had a trans gf at the time who was an alcoholic and mentally ill, she cheated on her with me and I guess I should’ve known from right then what was in store. Flash forward, we spend the summer together traveling, having fun, kind of living fairytale and living in a bubble. I remember asking “is this going to be a situation ship” and she’s like no! “We’re dating”, I’m like okay! I’m head over heels for this girl, completely enamored and absolutely in love and blind. We have a great time, met each others families, travelled, and then moved into together and got two cats. Things were tense because she still hadn’t gotten over her gf due to her fear of the trans girl killing herself or like she said she had fear of “her not talking to her again”, keep in mind through all of this our entire old friend group has no idea and we are a complete secrete while things are “normal” with my gf and her gf. Obviously I must’ve been okay with this on some level and I thought my gf would change. She kept going back to her old gf for 2-3 weeks at a time. I started to question my worth, my efforts, and her love for me. We have done some truly amazing once in a lifetime things together and it breaks my heart. The back and forth kept going like 4 times in the fall and early winter. She claimed they weren’t sleeping together but obviously were emotionally intimate and probably physical too, and SLEEPING in the same bed. It started to impact my health and I for some reason could just not leave, I got tied into the sunk cost fallacy and I really thought things would be different because she kept saying they would. I gave her an ultimatum and said I can’t keep doing this if you’re still wrapped up in something else and you can’t come home until you figure it out, she got stressed and I felt bad and I let my boundary down. Big mistake.
She then decides she wants to move to Spain with her new best friend on a whim a month after knowing her. I’m like oh okay. Her and her best friend get increasingly close, go on benders, and then start making out in clubs, and then start having sleepovers in my house 3-4 nights a week: I say I’m uncomfortable about it and she calls me crazy and says what, “girls can’t have sleepovers?” Like yeah I get it but also I felt us getting less and less close and I became a pussy and clingy; but also, I can’t help but feel like I was being used and she couldn’t just check out of the relationship like she did with her trans gf. Keep in mind this is still going on. Fast forward, she tells me she isn’t a lesbian because she had made out with a girl and made her uncomfortable, I’m like oh okay.
At this point I had just completely taken over too much emotional burden in this relationship and didn’t respect myself. From her trans gf, the cheating, lies, gaslighting, her still paying rent back for her trans gf, while I am stuck paying all of the rent for our apartment.
I finally have enough and I set the boundary I can’t be with someone who doesn’t want something committed and I completely walk away. I sort of spiraled, and within two days she found some new guy and I am absolutely positive they’ve been sleeping together or at least being emotionally intimate. She’s at the very least “Infatuated”
Meanwhile the trans gf situation is still ongoing and she hasn’t broken up with her yet. I tried to be friends and live together but I just couldn’t do it. It’s too fucking much for me, she didn’t come home for my birthday or get me anything bc she was presumably with her trans gf. We broke up and she kept wanting to use my car, and as someone now sober, I had to step out and recognized her birthday would be a trigger and I got fed up being a secret so I just left.
I am legit worried her trans gf could harm herself and she was so worried about that, and obviously loved her more than me. I just tried to prove my love and she loved the access. Well the access is gone now.
I’m just confused on what to do, do I reveal my secret and be honest to my old friends about what has been going on in my life? I guess her relationship with her trans gf wasn’t my problem but I took on way too much emotional baggage in this relationship and she kept assuring me she would handle it, but never did. I also developed some pretty intense drinking problems because of this and have struggled with all of the burden and emotions, and the fact that I do love this person. My needs just weren’t getting met.
Also am not sure how to deal with the apartment? No matter what I do I’m going to be the asshole because it’s a secret, and she’s just going to tell everyone a false narrative and not what has really happened.
Or do I just pick up the pieces, have self respect, be the asshole and move on?
This nightmare of a situation finally came to an end four weeks ago.
For backstory, my gf and I fell for each other on vacation with my old friend group. She had a trans gf at the time who was an alcoholic and mentally ill, she cheated on her with me and I guess I should’ve known from right then what was in store. Flash forward, we spend the summer together traveling, having fun, kind of living fairytale and living in a bubble. I remember asking “is this going to be a situation ship” and she’s like no! “We’re dating”, I’m like okay! I’m head over heels for this girl, completely enamored and absolutely in love and blind. We have a great time, met each others families, travelled, and then moved into together and got two cats. Things were tense because she still hadn’t gotten over her gf due to her fear of the trans girl killing herself or like she said she had fear of “her not talking to her again”, keep in mind through all of this our entire old friend group has no idea and we are a complete secrete while things are “normal” with my gf and her gf. Obviously I must’ve been okay with this on some level and I thought my gf would change. She kept going back to her old gf for 2-3 weeks at a time. I started to question my worth, my efforts, and her love for me. We have done some truly amazing once in a lifetime things together and it breaks my heart. The back and forth kept going like 4 times in the fall and early winter. She claimed they weren’t sleeping together but obviously were emotionally intimate and probably physical too, and SLEEPING in the same bed. It started to impact my health and I for some reason could just not leave, I got tied into the sunk cost fallacy and I really thought things would be different because she kept saying they would. I gave her an ultimatum and said I can’t keep doing this if you’re still wrapped up in something else and you can’t come home until you figure it out, she got stressed and I felt bad and I let my boundary down. Big mistake.
She then decides she wants to move to Spain with her new best friend on a whim a month after knowing her. I’m like oh okay. Her and her best friend get increasingly close, go on benders, and then start making out in clubs, and then start having sleepovers in my house 3-4 nights a week: I say I’m uncomfortable about it and she calls me crazy and says what, “girls can’t have sleepovers?” Like yeah I get it but also I felt us getting less and less close and I became a pussy and clingy; but also, I can’t help but feel like I was being used and she couldn’t just check out of the relationship like she did with her trans gf. Keep in mind this is still going on. Fast forward, she tells me she isn’t a lesbian because she had made out with a girl and made her uncomfortable, I’m like oh okay.
At this point I had just completely taken over too much emotional burden in this relationship and didn’t respect myself. From her trans gf, the cheating, lies, gaslighting, her still paying rent back for her trans gf, while I am stuck paying all of the rent for our apartment.
I finally have enough and I set the boundary I can’t be with someone who doesn’t want something committed and I completely walk away. I sort of spiraled, and within two days she found some new guy and I am absolutely positive they’ve been sleeping together or at least being emotionally intimate. She’s at the very least “Infatuated”
Meanwhile the trans gf situation is still ongoing and she hasn’t broken up with her yet. I tried to be friends and live together but I just couldn’t do it. It’s too fucking much for me, she didn’t come home for my birthday or get me anything bc she was presumably with her trans gf. We broke up and she kept wanting to use my car, and as someone now sober, I had to step out and recognized her birthday would be a trigger and I got fed up being a secret so I just left.
I am legit worried her trans gf could harm herself and she was so worried about that, and obviously loved her more than me. I just tried to prove my love and she loved the access. Well the access is gone now.
I’m just confused on what to do, do I reveal my secret and be honest to my old friends about what has been going on in my life? I guess her relationship with her trans gf wasn’t my problem but I took on way too much emotional baggage in this relationship and she kept assuring me she would handle it.
Also am not sure how to deal with the apartment? No matter what I do I’m going to be the asshole because it’s a secret, and she’s just going to tell everyone a false narrative and not what has really happened.
Or do I just pick up the pieces, have self respect, be the asshole and move on?