u/Lepridopic_throwaway

relapsing “just cause i felt like it” feels really supid

I don't know why I relapsed. I just kinda did. I was panicking a tiny bit but that's about it. I wasn't having any urges, I was lost in my own head. Is it as stupid as I tell myself it is? I feel like shit for it like it wasn't a "justifiable relapse" I did this to myself and now I don't know what to do. I was 12 days clean but I feel as up giving up on trying to be sober or that I should. I just don't know what to with myself anymore.

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u/Lepridopic_throwaway — 9 days ago

relapsing "just cause i felt like it" feels really supid

I don't know why I relapsed. I just kinda did. I was panicking a tiny bit but that's about it. I wasn't having any urges, I was lost in my own head. Is it as stupid as I tell myself it is? I feel like shit for it like it wasn't a "justifiable relapse" I did this to myself and now I don't know what to do. I was 12 days clean but I feel as up giving up on trying to be sober or that I should. I just don't know what to with myself anymore.

reddit.com
u/Lepridopic_throwaway — 9 days ago

little shit I vaguely remember from my dreams

He looks creepy but he's chill asf. I remember him showing up in places I had a strong feeling I was not supposed to be in. Just to kinda keep me comforted ig. I don't know if my subconscious has made a name for him so I'm just gonna call him Johnathan fuckface or something ridiculous like that as a placeholder or smth. My dad called him "fluffy"and he kinda looks like a horror creature called "sweetheart" I came up with when I was like ten lmfao. Idk. If anyone has any actually good ideas for a name u can tell me.

u/Lepridopic_throwaway — 10 days ago

Drew one of the handfulls of small windowless rooms I remember from the program

This actually looks like 2 of the rooms I remember. One of them was a lot bigger than this and was just a small section of it, the one I drew here I remember being practically as big as shown in the drawing. It was in 2nd grade and was an absolutely tiny room just right next to my classroom, you could see the door from it.

I can't remember if that was a room I went to for testing for the GATE program or for just regular tests but I'm pretty sure it was for GATE. I think both at some point. I can't remember in the slightest. The memory feels right there like I'm reaching out for something my fingertips can touch but I just can't reach. I think I remember being scared of that room after a while.

I did graduate the tests where they'd pull you out of class though. But the memories of the tests they'd do when pulling me out of class are by far the weirdest and most nerve racking for me, I dissociate a lot because of them and I have for years, even had panic attacks over it, I had no clue this is something a bunch of people went through too. It's so weird.

u/Lepridopic_throwaway — 14 days ago

Everything (apart from the M falling off) seemed pretty normal which was why I was pretty thrown off by it saying MEGAPIXEL. Another thing, it only turns on when it's plugged in, idk if that's because it's probably fake or if it's a genuine battery and/or hardware issue but nonetheless I can't tell if it's a fake or not apart from the megapixel sign. Can anyone give me a concrete answer to this?

u/Lepridopic_throwaway — 18 days ago