u/Less_Representative7

Hi, I am 19f and my boyfriend is 21M. We’ve been dating on and off from April to June last year but have been committed ever since, so a year+ we’ve been together. I’ve had anxiety and depression since I was about ten. At the moment, I’m dealing with CPTSD, general anxiety, panic disorder, emetophobia, and just a bunch of shit mentally. As well as GERD and endometriosis which definitely wouldn’t be as bad if my mental state wasn’t so bad.

My mental health took a nosedive when I was 16, avoiding social situations, many foods, eating out, panic attacks, trouble sleeping, etc but Zoloft and therapy helped. I also deal with an alcoholic and BPD mom who is very off and on and I’m unable to heal while living at home but I’m in college and not financially independent. Which adds more to the mix. But at the time of meeting my boyfriend, I was in a very good place. Continuing to date him, I noticed my attachment issues arise and some anxiety never went away but I was able to talk myself down and we were also mostly long distance at the time.

Then, after Christmas my mental health got bad after norovirus and food poisoning within the same month (emetophobia = fear of vomiting). And when we moved back into college in January of last year, I was not well. Panic attacks often, anxiety, retreating, and depression. It continued on and on and my boyfriend held hope but felt depleted. I became more reserved in return but it only made everything worse. I would shut down when he’d bring up issues in our relationship, as in freeze and be unable to speak until I break down crying if he kept asking me to say something (which I recognize we’re both at fault here now?) but we moved past it a bit. It’s also very difficult for me to be intimate which he has expressed has been an issue as he uses sex as a coping mechanism (bluntly) and still pushes me to my limit where I have to say no and it just makes me feel worse.

EDIT: just wanted to add, I adjusted my Zoloft dose and will continue to titrate up, see a psychiatrist monthly, a therapist weekly (soon doing a IOP program). I can do social activities occasionally with the help of Ativan but I am in no way functional as stated.

In the interest of length I’m trying to make this the most important paragraph…. now we’re in summer. He is doing an internship about 300 miles from our hometown so I’m flying sometimes to see him. And I’m not doing well this summer. I’m at home most days with my mom and I have severe CPTSD mostly around her. I’m constantly emotionally exhausted, I jump at every sound, I’ll have panic attacks that last hours and I’ve lost 10 pounds. I struggle to eat and feel nauseous every time and then panic about that and I have anxiety just walking to the store or down the street or just being at home and forcing myself to eat will make me cry. My boyfriend is at his wits end. I’ve invited conversations where we talk about our relationship, and possibly a break up and he shoot’s it down or even said he would “rather have the shell of me than nothing at all” yet he subtly expresses his frustration with me at other times. Believing if I change my mindset, force myself out, eat more, etc I will feel better. That I don’t do those things.

The other night, he RSVP’d us both for a house party. I said I don’t know and he said he knew I wouldn’t want to go but I should try. I didn’t know how to feel about this because he knew I wasn’t doing well. He said he will just go with another friend and I said fine, which I think annoyed him. He said he hasn’t gone out in a long time and is missing out (because of me). And he really wants to go. I said just go without me and he said he doesn’t want to leave me or he will feel guilty. Then today, the day of the party I still said I don’t want to. And he seemed annoyed and said “fine just sleep in all day and then stay up at night on your laptop and not touching me. Have fun with that”. He saw me starting to cry and I said he just wanted to help me and help me get out and feel better. Then restated the same points that if I get out more I’ll feel better. I said he doesn’t understand which made him angrier. We haven’t really spoken about this since and it’s been a strange. He’s asleep now and I’m up with anxiety in the living room. I love him. He loves me. But I’m getting close to the end. And I think he loves another version of me and is grieving me in real time.

I just don’t know if I will be better soon and I can’t deal with his disappointment when my family calls me a loser and antisocial constantly. Are we just not right for each other? Is it just the wrong time? I don’t want to be like this but I feel like he’s making it worse. But he’s almost all I have

I love my boyfriend so much, but I’m losing attraction to him and I’m pretty sure I know exactly why- and I feel terrible.

Hi, so I met my bf last year in April and things started coming together over the next 1-2 months so we’ve been together for a year now. At the time we met, he was an athlete, very lean and fit and active. He was on team USA skating and had a skating partner but it fell through at the beginning of last year. He began smoking, his acne got worse, and he lost even more weight. But when we met he was doing a bit better.

I’m his first real relationship that isn’t just hookups and has gotten this far and he’s gained weight while being with me. Which I was happy that he was healthier and I even helped him with his skin and it’s started to clear up. However he was about 5’11 and 170 pounds but now he is 200-210 depending on the week. He’s always been bigger growing up but then after puberty he was skating a lot and lost weight. But now it’s back and I didn’t notice but recently I have and I think it’s killing some of my attraction to him. Though, it’s also partly due to us having relationship strain from my severe anxiety and mental struggles but we’ve been talking through that.

My boyfriend also has a hard time with body image, he thought he was fat at 170 pounds and still does now, but now it shows as he can’t fit into clothes he used to and his mother is always calling him fat. I don’t want to be another person telling him this but I am having a hard time with the guilt and keeping it from him. He also just doomscrolling at home, vapes, and is becoming lazy. He’s working for a summer internship also depressed and not focused at work. We’re long distance atm but see each other every 2-3 weeks I think we’re aiming for. I talked to him about the laziness and vaping and how I find it unattractive and I think he’s going to work on it and he said he understands and wants to cut back too.

I don’t know how to break this to him or if I should. I think he has a feeling about it and he’s making comments on his image like stretch marks, big thighs, etc and it breaks my heart. But he shows me old photos of him from just over a year ago and I’m so attracted to them. I love him now and always but I’m not attracted. I’m also very skinny myself and I haven’t really understood this struggle with losing weight. I really want to hear if anyone’s been on the other side of this. I will not leave him over this but I can’t help that I have preferences and I thought this would be temporary but he’s just falling deeper and deeper. I also want to hear any one else’s side as a younger guy who’s graduating college soon and trying to figure things out. He lost skating and theoretically could go back to it if money and a partner permits, but I think it’s playing into it as some sort of rebellion and reasoning for him not to get back into shape.

Thank you …

Hi, I hope this doesn’t have to belong in some relationship subreddit. As a lot of people don’t understand this phobia and what comes with it. I deal with frequent panic attacks, which will range from 2 minutes minutes to 2 hours and once a week to multiple times a day in varying severity. But it’s crippled my life. And my relationship. I also have CPTSD and little support from family (which I mainly choose as it’s a toxic environment). I have a new therapist, I do speak to my sister at arms length, and friends, but my biggest support is my boyfriend.

As much as I try to hide it, he knows what I deal with to a certain degree. But this is taking a toll on him too. I’ve gotten much better than where I was a few months ago after a bout of food poisoning after 9 years of no puking. But it did happen. However I’ve never had to share so much of myself with someone before and I don’t know what to do with it. Keeping it to myself is not working if I want to be in a relationship. If I want to be on a better track, I need to work on my own coping skills myself and managing anxiety, compulsions, avoidance, panic, and body sensations. But another one is social anxiety, and to have a healthier relationship with my partner. I’m 19F and he’s 21F, we’ve been together for over a year but my anxiety didn’t get bad until a few months in.

I’m guessing a lot of you here have relationships, with varying depth and support. But hes told me he feels helpless, lost, and disappointed in himself for not being able to be there for me or help. He in general can’t, but I want to help him feel less lost. He’s tried to read websites and get help from others but it’s not really helpful. I have a hard time eating, especially takeout, eating in restaurants is a nightmare for me, traveling, being alone, transitions to night time, night time in general, any time I feel sick I can’t function and panic.

I’ve worked on trying to tell him when I’m overthinking, or if things are bad I do ask for support instead of hiding in the bathroom for an hour. But not all the time. I don’t know how to ask for help. I’ve been trying to tell him things that may help like “I don’t want to be told it’s okay I just want you to say no matter what happens it’ll be okay and I’m safe and my mind is playing tricks on me” but if there anything your partner does that helps. Please let me know. And maybe how you broke it to them. Or how they came to understand it and your experience with their side of it.

Thanks ♥️

Seems mostly Canada. But I know a few guys that aren’t partnered at all right now. Just curious if anyone has thoughts on the Canadian shakeup and maybe who your dream pair would be?