u/Lilichrys4

Hello, I'm 18 years old, and from age 5 to 11, my abuser lived with me because he was a family friend. In the evenings, he would invite me to his room to "watch cartoons." Naively, I went without telling anyone because he said it was a secret. He would touch me inappropriately. At 11, I finally understood that it wasn't normal, and I told my family, who took me to the police station.

In the end, he only received a warning.

Even years later, I'm still disgusted, sometimes even sick just thinking about it. I still have nightmares. Despite psychiatric treatment, I can't stop thinking about it. He even still appears in my dreams.

A few years ago, I was really struggling with my mental health. I had a lot of dark thoughts, and something during that time traumatized me: my dreams. I remember having four dreams.

First, for two days, I dreamed of the same thing: me crying in bed before getting up and going to my closet, opening it, taking out a pair of pants, putting them around my neck and squeezing them tightly, then waking up.

The other two dreams were different, but no less strange: I was still in bed, lying down and crying, then I got up and went to my kitchen. There, I opened a drawer and took out a kn¡fe. From there, the dream shifted perspective, I saw my shadow on the floor, and I finally saw myself raising the knife before st@bb¡ng myself in the stomach. During the other night when I had that same dream, this was another version where I st@bb€d myself in the throat.