u/Limp_Bike_9145

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He’s not technologically inclined, so I’m very surprised by this, and it makes me wonder if someone showed him how to get and use a vault app. He’s been married to my mom for 30 years. They don’t have sex anymore, and I can tell that they haven’t been happy for most of their marriage. He’s an alcoholic, and my mom didn’t know until a couple years into their marriage. A lot of my childhood I resented my dad for choosing alcohol over the family. But that’s neither here nor there at this point.

A few years ago, I got the feeling he was cheating and I found a couple dirty texts to someone on telegram. He’d disappear for hours, saying he had to go to the hardware store, but never really came home with anything that screamed he needed to be there all day. In fact, he hates being in stores for long periods of time. A few other things made me think he was cheating. When he was drunk one time, he brought up how he’d “never cheat on your mom.” The conversation wasn’t even on cheating or their marriage at all. At one point he showed me some meme of a kangaroo saying “do you need a hug today,” and it was a message in telegram from someone else. I asked him, “who’s asking you if you need a hug?” He got all scared and left the room when a normal answer would have been something about a friend from work being silly. I went to the carry out a few miles away, and his truck was there, but I didn’t see him inside. I mentioned it to my mom, and she said maybe he was using the bathroom. He came home about an hour later though, and she never questioned a thing (I don’t think).

I haven’t mentioned to my mom that I’m 95% sure that my dad cheated on her. She’s become rather complacent, and she always talked about leaving him when we were younger because he was drunk all the time, but she never left for our sake, or even for her own. I’m wondering that if I did mention it to her what she would even do. Would she be hurt? Would she actually leave? Or would she stay because the economy is in the toilet and can’t afford a place on her own?

Honestly, I think the right thing to do, telling her about my suspicions, would actually hurt her more than keeping her in the dark. I don’t have solid proof because I decided to stay out of it. Seeing that he had a vault app though, that he would have no idea how to use without someone’s help, makes me wonder if I should finally bring it. To her or even just to him to say that I know. I’m at the point that I just can’t take it anymore. I try to stay out of other people’s business, but I don’t know anymore.

I’d be perfectly fine in knowing that the vault app is only for porn. I don’t care if he watches porn. He’s not getting any otherwise. But with everything else from a few years ago, I don’t know if it’s just as harmless as that. He doesn’t disappear for hours anymore, but I still feel both guilty for not saying anything to my mom and suspicious again. Their marriage is dead and has been for decades. I’m just disgusted that he’d do that with all the years he put my mom and us through hell and then he’d rub salt in the wound by fucking someone else.

I hate that I didn’t saying anything. But I think I should confront my dad. I think he’d fly off the handle if I did though. And if I told my mom before I even confront him, I don’t know how that’d go either. I just don’t even know.

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