Does college actually get better socially after a really bad high school experience?
I’m currently in college and I’ve been struggling a lot with loneliness, and I think a big part of it comes from what happened to me in high school.
In high school, I was bullied pretty badly. There were stories posted about me, a lot of people in my grade disliked me, and there were a lot of different things going around about me. I did have a few friends — probably 2 or 3 people I was actually close to — but I’m no longer friends with any of them.
One of those friendships was especially significant because she had been my best friend for around 14–15 years. We basically grew up together. But towards the end of high school, I found out that she had been talking badly about me, my family, and very personal things about my life. She was even joking about things I had gone through and things I had considered traumatic with random people online and people she barely knew.
It completely broke my trust in her. She apologized multiple times, but I couldn’t forgive her, and eventually the friendship ended. I don’t regret walking away, but losing a friendship that had existed for most of my life was obviously a huge thing.
Now I’m in college, and technically, I’m not completely alone. I have people I talk to, people I can hang out with, and I’m friendly with quite a few people. But I still feel extremely lonely.
I think part of it is that I don’t have that one person or small group that feels like home. I also constantly compare my current friendships to what I used to have, even though I know that isn’t necessarily fair because those friendships took years to develop.
Sometimes I look around and feel like everyone else already has their people — their best friends from home, their established groups, people they can call whenever something happens — and I feel like I’m trying to build something from scratch while also carrying all this baggage from what happened before.
I guess what I’m wondering is: does this actually get better?
For people who had a really bad social experience in high school, lost their childhood friendships, or entered college feeling like they had no real friends — did you eventually find your people? Did college get easier socially as you got older?
I don’t necessarily need advice on how to make friends. I think I mostly want to hear from people who have actually been through something similar and know whether it eventually feels less lonely.