Need ex advice
My ex and I are both 17. We dated for about a year and it was the first serious relationship for both of us. He was my first boyfriend, my first sexual partner, I met his family, we went on trips together, and we built a really strong connection. Throughout the relationship he constantly told me I was the person he had loved the most, that he had never met anyone like me, that he wanted to marry me, and that he had never felt such a deep connection with anyone before.
During the relationship, however, he would sometimes tell me he felt confused and had doubts. Eventually he broke up with me.
About a week after the breakup we started talking again and got closer, but nothing really came from it. Some time later we reconnected again, this time much more seriously. We went on several dates, spent a lot of time together, became intimate again, and honestly it almost felt like we were back together.
The strange part was that whenever we were together in person, everything felt perfect. He was affectionate, loving, playful and genuinely happy to be with me. It honestly felt like he was completely in love with me whenever we were together.
However, as soon as we went home, everything changed. He became distant, texted less, almost disappeared, and told me he still didn’t know what he wanted. It was as if he could only enjoy the relationship while we were physically together, but once he was alone, all of his doubts returned and he pulled away again. This pattern happened more than once.
A few days ago I called him because I didn’t want to lose our connection completely, and we ended up having a serious conversation.
He told me that right now he doesn’t think we can be friends because there are still feelings on both sides. He said that if we keep talking, it creates false hope for both of us, not just for me. He also said we need time to get used to things as they are and learn to see each other differently because we were never just friends. At one point he even said something like, “I don’t randomly call my female friends to check if they’re okay, so it would feel weird.”
He wasn’t rude and he never said he never wanted to see me again. He just said that, at least for now, he thinks distance is the healthiest option.
Ironically, today he texted me first asking if I was okay. We had a short, normal conversation about football and our day. I asked him a couple of questions back, but then he stopped replying. That left me even more confused because I don’t understand why he reaches out, starts a conversation and then disappears.
I’m still deeply in love with him and I’m torn. Part of me feels like our story isn’t really over because he admitted there are still feelings on both sides, and because every time we’ve taken space before, we’ve somehow found our way back to each other. Another part of me is scared that I’m just holding onto hope.
My question is: how would you interpret this behavior? How can someone seem so happy, loving and connected when we’re together in person, but then go home, become distant and question the relationship again? And how would you interpret him reaching out to check on me, only to disappear again during the conversation? Does this sound like someone who is genuinely confused and needs space, or someone who has already made up his mind but is trying to let me down gently?