u/LordTalesin

So I've been meditating for some time, and I've long had issue with breath focused meditation, which if I'm understanding correctly is Zhuanqi in the Daoist tradition. My mind begins to wander and the monkey mind loves to latch onto passing thoughts. It is really difficult to detach from those.

However, I recently tried Zuowang, and maybe because I am being unfocused, I am able to get into a deeper state, to the point where it will take a couple minutes to move after finishing.

To be up front, I have ADHD and Bipolar Disorder, so that may be causing some issues with meditation, but I don't know. Both are under control at the moment through medication and just being chill in general.

Should I focus on the meditation that is more difficult, or focus on the one that seems to be more suited to me?

So something interesting came up while I was spending time with one of my friends.  We hadn't seen each other in a while and were having fun enjoying each other's company.  Eventually the world butted its head in, like an unwelcome dinner guest and the topic turned to current events.

I mentioned that my best friend from High School, now over almost 30 years ago, was very right-leaning and held a lot of hateful thoughts in his heart toward the people that the right wing loves to demonize.  I still love this friend and can still have discussions with him, even though we do not agree on a lot of things now.  

My Best Friend has a closed mind.  His mind has been nearly shut for all the time that I have known him, and that is just something that I accept about him.  My other friend, though, reacted viscerally to the idea that I would even associate with a person that he would deam to be a "fascist," or one who holds hate in his heart.

He didn't understand how I could be on the side of "good" and yet still be friends with, and consider someone from the "bad" side to be one of my closest friends.  I told them that even though my best friend holds what I feel to be abhorrent and rascist views, we can disagree and still be friends, because that is part of the beauty of being human.

Here's my problem.  I can understand my friend's reaction to the idea that I would associate with someone who is essentially very regressive in their views.  Views that drive the current imbalance that we in the US are afflicted with.  I can understand how one would come to believe such things, because I am aware of the tactics each side uses to recruit.  The bias, the rhetoric, all of it is designed, intentionally or unintentionally, to funnel you into a certain box of thinking so that certain people can attain or remain in power.  I understand how it is easy to hold views that consider others lesser than oneself because those others are complete strangers.  People that you will never meet, never have a chance to meet and have no bearing on your day to day life.

My friend however is trapped, as I see it, in his own box of thinking.  He views those on the "other side" as lesser because they view others as lesser.  I could not possibly at this time explain this concept to him without causing an unholy row.  His side has a pipeline too, and while on the surface it is one of openness and acceptance, it is just as closed as the other when it comes to the other side.  There is hate in their heart, for those who hold hate in their hearts.

There is no talking to each other any more I find.  Often, when two people who have differing views, on anything, find out they do, they will yell their opinions at the top of their lungs at each other.  Shouting so loudly and so longly that they don't really hear what the other person has to say, hoping to browbeat them into submission with the force of their opinion.

The irony of both sides being more alike than they would ever admit is not lost on me.

My problem is this, I don't know why I can accept people as they are, abhorrent views or closed hearts, but I do.  Holding bad beliefs doesn't make you a bad person I think.  I also understand that concepts of "good" or "bad" beliefs are relative and that there is no objective good or bad, just the values that we assign to things.

Back when I held onto a lot more expectations that I did now, I would feel that righteous anger over things that people said, or things they did, or policies that were implemented with the sole purpose of inflicting pain on people who are unable to protect themselves.  Back when I held onto expectations that people would treat each other humanely, I would be upset when they didn't, and unable to understand why they could act in such a way.

Two years being homeless beat a lot of expectations of the world out of me.  Having disabling mental conditions beat even more out.  Finally, cancer has really finished getting rid of those deeply held expectations that I once had.  I no longer engage with the world angry because I am upset that it isn't how I think it should be, I engage with the world as I find it.  Messy, loud and full of contradictions like this.

I am interested in the views of others here, especially how it relates to being able to love people who are so different from each other that they could not share the same room if their hearts were open like books to one another.

I am going to continue to ponder this, and eventually I'll reach an answer that works for me, but I'd be very interested if anyone else has dealt with something similar.

Thank you everybody.

So something interesting came up while I was spending time with one of my friends.  We hadn't seen each other in a while and were having fun enjoying each other's company.  Eventually the world butted its head in, like an unwelcome dinner guest and the topic turned to current events.

I mentioned that my best friend from High School, now over almost 30 years ago, was very right-leaning and held a lot of hateful thoughts in his heart toward the people that the right wing loves to demonize.  I still love this friend and can still have discussions with him, even though we do not agree on a lot of things now.  

My Best Friend has a closed mind.  His mind has been nearly shut for all the time that I have known him, and that is just something that I accept about him.  My other friend, though, reacted viscerally to the idea that I would even associate with a person that he would deam to be a "fascist," or one who holds hate in his heart.

He didn't understand how I could be on the side of "good" and yet still be friends with, and consider someone from the "bad" side to be one of my closest friends.  I told them that even though my best friend holds what I feel to be abhorrent and racist views, we can disagree and still be friends, because that is part of the beauty of being human.

Here's my problem.  I can understand my friend's reaction to the idea that I would associate with someone who is essentially very regressive in their views.  Views that drive the current imbalance that we in the US are afflicted with.  I can understand how one would come to believe such things, because I am aware of the tactics each side uses to recruit.  The bias, the rhetoric, all of it is designed, intentionally or unintentionally, to funnel you into a certain box of thinking so that certain people can attain or remain in power.  I understand how it is easy to hold views that consider others lesser than oneself because those others are complete strangers.  People that you will never meet, never have a chance to meet and have no bearing on your day to day life.

My friend however is trapped, as I see it, in his own box of thinking.  He views those on the "other side" as lesser because they view others as lesser.  I could not possibly at this time explain this concept to him without causing an unholy row.  His side has a pipeline too, and while on the surface it is one of openness and acceptance, it is just as closed as the other when it comes to the other side.  There is hate in their heart, for those who hold hate in their hearts.

There is no talking to each other any more I find.  Often, when two people who have differing views, on anything, find out they do, they will yell their opinions at the top of their lungs at each other.  Shouting so loudly and so longly that they don't really hear what the other person has to say, hoping to browbeat them into submission with the force of their opinion.

The irony of both sides being more alike than they would ever admit is not lost on me.

My problem is this, I don't know why I can accept people as they are, abhorrent views or closed hearts, but I do.  Holding bad beliefs doesn't make you a bad person I think.  I also understand that concepts of "good" or "bad" beliefs are relative and that there is no objective good or bad, just the values that we assign to things.

Back when I held onto a lot more expectations that I did now, I would feel that righteous anger over things that people said, or things they did, or policies that were implemented with the sole purpose of inflicting pain on people who are unable to protect themselves.  Back when I held onto expectations that people would treat each other humanely, I would be upset when they didn't, and unable to understand why they could act in such a way.

Two years being homeless beat a lot of expectations of the world out of me.  Having disabling mental conditions beat even more out.  Finally, cancer has really finished getting rid of those deeply held expectations that I once had.  I no longer engage with the world angry because I am upset that it isn't how I think it should be, I engage with the world as I find it.  Messy, loud and full of contradictions like this.

I am new here, and I am still in the process of reading the Tao Te Ching, and my copy of Zhuang Zhi is in the mail right now.  But I am interested in the views of others here, especially in regards to the Dao and how it relates to being able to love people who are so different from each other that they could not share the same room if their hearts were open like books to one another.

I am going to continue to ponder this, and eventually I'll reach an answer that works for me, but I'd be very interested if anyone else has dealt with something similar.

Thank you everybody.