u/Lotus_Mama_Diaries

This chick has had her RIBS SCULPTED, boobs done, clearly tons of lipo and fat redistribution, she has an impossibly massive butt now, under eyes snatched, her lips filled, her double chin and jawline reshaped, her nose done, SORRY DID I MENTION SHE HAD HER RIBS OPERATED ON???

She wasn’t even unattractive to begin with, just one of those women who had to be very thin to be pretty because of how she used to gain weight. But now? She is basically the modern man’s slim thick porn sick wet dream.

And it’s a well known fact in our social circles that her husband and I used to have a thing going on and that I was very upset when he ghosted me to be with her. So, naturally, people will often to compare me to her or otherwise bring up how “different” the two of us look.

The most insulting thing that happens is people try to “comfort” me by saying that I should feel like “good riddance” about losing the guy because he “made a shallow choice”….like damn, we aren’t even going to entertain the idea that I could ever be anyone’s preference lookswise. Ok. I guess at least we’re keeping it honest

But I’m not sure if people who call him shallow are better or worse than when people just straight up make comparing statements between she and I like “oh, well damn yeah she’s a lot more petite than you so that’s probably his type” or “wow, yeah, she clearly prioritizes keeping her body in shape moreso than you do” or something about how we have different “body types”.

Like…..body type??? she has reorganized her body fat, changed her face, and RESHAPED HER BONES! What do y’all mean be body type?

Someone even told me a couple weeks ago, I think being well meaning, that “it seems like it all worked out! She’s and her husband both have that ethereal beauty mysterious model look to them, and you and your husband are two regular all-American fat and happy folk in love! Everyone’s with their match!”….like…thanks! But could you excuse me while I end it?

It takes me from feeling regular ugly to turbo ugly whenever I see her and think about how he disappeared out of my life in a cloud of dust as soon as she showed interest in him. How could I have ever competed with someone who treats themselves like an art project?

I saw her recently just by unfortunate coincidence leaving a restaurant with her friends and it made me feel so ill. People who were total strangers turned to look at her as she walked by. Meanwhile I got called Rasputia at Walgreens and told by marketing at my work that they don’t want me to do any advertising for our products that ever has me physically in front of camera.

People just assume that I don’t care if I’m attractive or not I guess and most of the time I CAN focus on other things but then I’m compared to her and it makes me feel sub-human

I have a diagnosed mental illness. Prior to this diagnosis I made some serious mistakes, hell I can even admit that YES I made mistakes afterwards too while figuring out treatment and meds. I’m still not perfect but I’m also far removed from my worst behaviors.

Lately I almost have more respect and dare I say gratitude for the people who have hurt me by choosing to remove themselves from my life than the people who have stuck around but keep constantly rubbing my past actions in my face.

Does it SUCK to lose friends completely because they were upset about things I said and did when I was having a very hard time? Yes. Obviously.

But it also really monumentally sucks to have people who act like they’re standing by me and act like they are compassionate and understanding about my struggles with mental illness and act like they believe in me…only for them to continually use my mental illness to shame me, doubt me, guilt trip me, or otherwise throw things in my face.

And it’s not like I’m asking people to forget something that happened recently (or forget anything at all for that matter) but I’m asking that people who CHOOSE to stay in my life and SAY they are standing by me to move on from mistakes I made A LONG TIME ago and stop throwing them in my face and using them as tools to try to control my CURRENT choices.

Like, you’re supposed to be in my corner but you’re telling me that you can’t give me the benefit of the doubt TODAY because of something I said when I was having a horrendous mental time YEARS ago?

You’re supposedly my friend who has compassion about my mental illness but you tell me you “don’t want to take sides” when someone who you’re not even friends with (and who has been proven to have it out for me) accuses me of something that I’m telling you I didn’t do.

You claim to be part of my support system but when I tell you that I’m struggling with something your FIRST reaction is to tell me that you won’t hesitate to report me to the police and “to my potential victims” if you think I might “be in a dangerous place”.

And like, I AM and have been sorry for any stress I’ve caused the people in my life who’ve stood by me, and I AM grateful for them standing by me through it. But at what point am I done being punished? At what point does it stop being appropriate for people who are meant to support me to “call me out” and remind me of things I’ve done wrong and tell me that they don’t trust me?

And what point should I tell them to get out of my life if this is how they feel about me?

Lately I almost have more respect and dare I say gratitude for the people who have hurt me by choosing to remove themselves from my life than the people who have stuck around but keep constantly rubbing my past actions in my face.

Does it SUCK to lose friends completely because they were upset about things I said and did when I was having a very hard time? Yes. Obviously.

But it also really monumentally sucks to have people who act like they’re standing by me and act like they are compassionate and understanding about my struggles with mental illness and act like they believe in me…only for them to continually use my mental illness to shame me, doubt me, guilt trip me, or otherwise throw things in my face.

And it’s not like I’m asking people to forget something that happened recently (or forget anything at all for that matter) but I’m asking that people who CHOOSE to stay in my life and SAY they are standing by me to move on from mistakes I made A LONG TIME ago and stop throwing them in my face and using them as tools to try to control my CURRENT choices.

Like, you’re supposed to be in my corner but you’re telling me that you can’t give me the benefit of the doubt TODAY because of something I said when I was having a horrendous mental time YEARS ago?

You’re supposedly my friend who has compassion about my mental illness but you tell me you “don’t want to take sides” when someone who you’re not even friends with (and who has been proven to have it out for me) accuses me of something that I’m telling you I didn’t do.

You claim to be part of my support system but when I tell you that I’m struggling with something your FIRST reaction is to tell me that you won’t hesitate to report me to the police and “to my potential victims” if you think I might “be in a dangerous place”.

And like, I AM and have been sorry for any stress I’ve caused the people in my life who’ve stood by me, and I AM grateful for them standing by me through it. But at what point am I done being punished? At what point does it stop being appropriate for people who are meant to support me to “call me out” and remind me of things I’ve done wrong and tell me that they don’t trust me?

And what point should I tell them to get out of my life if this is how they feel about me?