I'm 28F with 1 child. My marriage has gone thru a rocky situation recently. My husband is unreachable with some (unconfirmed) news of him cheating on me. I am completely dependent (mostly financially) on him. Lost all hope and getting counselling therapy currently.

Today, I woke up feeling numb. And I slept thru in the bathtub. Hoping to drown. When I was almost losing consciousness, I heard my baby (3 months old) cried. I snapped out right away and ran towards him.

Good news. At least I am able to live thru one more day. Hopefully. It keeps on going for days again.

Salam,

My lifeshattered over the past week, and I am in total shock. I’m typing this with shaking hands because I genuinely don't know whatr what to do next.

A bit of context: My husband and I have been married for 3e years. As far as my family and I knew, he was born and raised Muslim. Over the last few months, he became increasingly distant, irritable, and spent days away from home claiming it was for "urgent business trips."

A week ago, he packed a bag for a weekend work trip and completely vanished. He stopped answering his phone, his location was turned off, and my calls straight to voicemail. Calling his workplace, a colleague who took pity on me dropped a massive bomb: My husband isn't a born Muslim. He converted a few years ago, and he has a non-Muslim legal wife and children in another country from before he ever met or married me. He had been secretly flying back and forth to live a double life with them.

Now, he has been completely radio silent for days. He ghosted me, shut off his primary phone, and basically abandoned me in our apartment. I am emotionally ruined, heartbrokon, I am deeply confused about where I stand legally and Islamically:

Is our Nikah even valid? He lied about his entire identity, background, and marital status when he proposed to me and my family. Does a Nikah based on such fundamental fraud and deception count, or is the marriage void (fasakh / invalid)?

Has anyone ever experienced a betrayal of this magnitude? I feel so humiliated and foolish. Please keep me in your duas, and if anyone has knowledge on how Islamic councils deal with fraudulent marriages and missing husbands, please advise me. JazakAllah Khair.

So I posted an ISO on behalf of my friend.

​I have clearly laid out my friend's dealbreakers, especially her hard boundary against polygamy. She will not be a second wife, nor will she agree to her husband taking another wife after marriage. (Yeah she knows that the 2nd marriage is still valid, but she wants the power to get a divorce if the husband broke the marriage akad/contract. After all, marriage in Islam is still a contract. You can terminate it if there are broken clauses.)

​BUT STILL… there are men asking for taaruf to make her their second wife, or letting me know that they plan on getting another wife later after their marriage. Which part of “no polygamy” is so hard to comprehend? NO means NO.

​If they fail at basic reading comprehension, I highly doubt they have the capacity to treat multiple wives fairly lol.

A Practical Guide to Maintaining Safety in Online Ta’aruf

Salam everyone,

I previously posted a marriage profile for a friend of mine. As a result, there are some positive and negative incidents happened to her. She told me two of such incidents:

• Test Case 1: Mid-20s, Lebanese, located in Canada. Brand-new profile, shared photos recklessly, quickly turned into bedroom-related conversations, and had inconsistent photo quality.
  • Result: Reverse image searching revealed the photos were stolen from another account, which is NSFW account.
• Test Case 2: Mid-20s, Ukrainian, located in the US. Older profile with wiped/hidden history, classic love-bombing, and "trial version" hot-and-cold communication demanding sympathy.
  • Result: Public search archives exposed deleted Reddit comments showing he was a revert, actively married with a stay-at-home wife, and running fabricated narratives across multiple subreddits.

> Note: Feel free to DM me for the username of this individual if required for cross-check.

As an IT professional, she suggested below step-by-step to analyze a potential Before, During, and After beginning the ta'aruf process.

Phase 1: BEFORE Ta’aruf

1. Deep-Dive Profile History

Many users wipe their posts or hide comment histories before reaching out to potentials. Standard platform searches only show active/non-hidden posts, but public archives index almost everything.

• Use Search Archives: Archival tools allow you to search complete, deleted, or hidden comment histories by username.

> Note: Feel free to DM me for specific tool name. Please include a brief reason to help prevent misuse.

• Google Search the Handle: Search their exact username on Google (ensure you are logged out of your personal account) to view publicly cached posts across other sites. The Wayback Machine can also reveal cached profile history.
• Check for Handle Reuse: Search their username on Instagram, LinkedIn, or X (Twitter). People frequently reuse the same handles across platforms.

2. Reverse Image Search & Metadata

If a potential shares photos on their profile or sends them in DMs:

• Google Lens: Check if the image appears on stock photo sites, Pinterest, or someone else's public social media.
• Metadata Analysis: If you are familiar with reading EXIF metadata, you can check time of capture, location coordinates, and camera/device model used.

> Note: Screenshots create brand-new file metadata generated by the phone’s OS, wiping the original camera/GPS data. If an image is a screenshot, EXIF data cannot verify original capture details.

3. Image Privacy Workarounds

As of today, no single application satisfies all four criteria for secure photo sharing simultaneously:

• No Personal-Identifiable Information (phone number/email) required.
• Blocked photo download/saving capabilities.
• Hardware-enforced screenshot blocking.
• Permanent deletion/destruction after a single view.

What you can do instead is apply practical risk-reduction workarounds:

• Use Specialized/Disposable Accounts: Create a separate virtual phone number or dedicated email solely for matchmaking. If any stalking occurs, you can delete or self-destruct the account entirely without compromising your personal identity.
• Strip EXIF Metadata: Before sending a photo file directly, strip location data and device metadata—or simply send a screenshot of the photo, which automatically strips original camera/GPS metadata.
• Use View-Once / Expiring Messages: Send photos using disappearing image options (like mobile WhatsApp "View Once" or Telegram self-destructing media) rather than permanent downloads.

> Note: Native screenshot blocking applies strictly to mobile apps. Web applications (like Telegram Web or WhatsApp Web) do not have system-level DRM permissions to block browser screenshots. Furthermore, no app protects against physical captures (someone taking a photo of the screen with a second phone). This is why compensating controls like watermarking are essential.

• Add Subtle Digital Watermarks: Overlay a faint, semi-transparent text watermark across the center of the image (e.g., "For [Username]'s eyes only - [Date]"). This discourages catfishes from stealing your photo for other profiles and prevents reverse-image indexing.

Phase 2: DURING Ta’aruf

1. State Your Non-Negotiables Early

• Substance Use: Smoker, vaper, alcoholic, or drug user.
• Abuse History: Tendency of physical, verbal, financial, or emotional abuse.
• Monogamy Only: Will not enter a polygamous arrangement.
• Heteronormative Marriage: Will not enter a "lavender marriage".
• Religious Alignment: Neglects basic Fardhu (obligatory Islamic duties).
• Political Alignment: Holds political extremist views.
• Chronic Health Issues: Hereditary diseases, physical disabilities, etc.

2. Discuss Flexible Preferences & Compromises

• Relocation & Career Goals: Are both parties open to moving cities/countries? How will dual careers or financial ambitions be handled?
• Financial Dynamics & Decision-Making: Who manages household expenses? How are major financial choices made, and how do you compromise when you disagree?
• Past & Histories: Openness about being a revert, past marriages, existing debts, medical/health issues, or legal/criminal records.
• Child Upbringing & Family Relationships: Boundaries regarding in-laws, cultural expectations, social circles, and methods of raising children.
• Religious Practice Beyond Fardhu: Voluntary ibadah (Sunnah prayers, fasting, seeking knowledge), and overall spiritual lifestyle.
• Conflict Resolution & Emotional Management: How do they express anger and stress? What are their deepest fears regarding marriage (e.g., fear of cheating, loss of freedom, lack of commitment)?

3. Audit Timelines & Extravagant Claims

• Check the Logic: Do their stated age, career progression, and life events logically add up?
• Crisis Deflection: A major manipulation tactic is dropping a dramatic, unverifiable bomb right when held accountable (e.g., sudden emergency surgeries, vague family disasters, or last-minute deployments) followed by radio silence.

4. Cultural, Legal, & Country-Specific Requirements

• Legal Documentation: Single-status certificates, divorce decrees (if applicable), background/criminal checks, or embassy/visa paperwork for international matches.
• Cultural & Family Expectations: Dowry (Mahr), wedding ceremony scale, and parental involvement.
• Involve Family / Guardians (Wali) Early: Involving a Wali or third party early acts as an instant filter against players looking for secret, long-term text affairs.
• Transition to Video Early: Persistent excuses to avoid voice/video calls or meeting in person after weeks of texting are a major red flag.

Phase 3: AFTER Initial Ta’aruf

After a few weeks (ideally: 2-3 weeks) of interaction, step back to objectively analyze their behavioral patterns before making a long-term commitment.

1. Communication Consistency

Real effort requires steady consistency. If you are constantly initiating, asking all the questions, and chasing basic updates while receiving crumbs in return, they are likely juggling multiple conversations or treating you as an option.

2. Transparency vs. Secrecy

Watch out for people who seem warm and attentive for a few days, then suddenly disappear or act cold, only to return with excuses that demand your sympathy. A sincere potential will be consistent, transparent, and proactive about aligning timelines, involving family, and taking concrete steps toward marriage.

Final Thought

Protecting your heart, mental health, and future is far more important than giving endless benefit of the doubt to a stranger behind a screen. Stay safe, trust your gut, and don't settle for anything less than complete transparency!

Disclaimer

Navigating matchmaking online naturally carries inherent privacy and safety risks. However, as digital interaction becomes increasingly common, having practical precautions in place is essential. This guide aims to provide actionable security over internet and personal safety principles for online ta'aruf.

Please bear in mind that the process in writing this guide is merely a suggestion to safeguard your digital privacy. First and foremost, do your due diligence! And trust your gut, if something is too good to be true, it probably is.

Improvements

Please feel free to share your thoughts, tips, or improvements in the comments below. Hope this helps!

Salam everyone,

I previously posted a marriage profile for a friend of mine. As a result, there are some positive and negative incidents happened to her. She told me two of such incidents:

• Test Case 1: Mid-20s, Lebanese, located in Canada. Brand-new profile, shared photos recklessly, quickly turned into bedroom-related conversations, and had inconsistent photo quality.
  • Result: Reverse image searching revealed the photos were stolen from another account, which is NSFW account.
• Test Case 2: Mid-20s, Ukrainian, located in the US. Older profile with wiped/hidden history, classic love-bombing, and "trial version" hot-and-cold communication demanding sympathy.
  • Result: Public search archives exposed deleted Reddit comments showing he was a revert, actively married with a stay-at-home wife, and running fabricated narratives across multiple subreddits.

> Note: Feel free to DM me for the username of this individual if required for cross-check.

As an IT professional, she suggested below step-by-step to analyze a potential Before, During, and After beginning the ta'aruf process.

Phase 1: BEFORE Ta’aruf

1. Deep-Dive Profile History

Many users wipe their posts or hide comment histories before reaching out to potentials. Standard platform searches only show active/non-hidden posts, but public archives index almost everything.

• Use Search Archives: Archival tools allow you to search complete, deleted, or hidden comment histories by username.

> Note: Feel free to DM me for specific tool name. Please include a brief reason to help prevent misuse.

• Google Search the Handle: Search their exact username on Google (ensure you are logged out of your personal account) to view publicly cached posts across other sites. The Wayback Machine can also reveal cached profile history.
• Check for Handle Reuse: Search their username on Instagram, LinkedIn, or X (Twitter). People frequently reuse the same handles across platforms.

2. Reverse Image Search & Metadata

If a potential shares photos on their profile or sends them in DMs:

• Google Lens: Check if the image appears on stock photo sites, Pinterest, or someone else's public social media.
• Metadata Analysis: If you are familiar with reading EXIF metadata, you can check time of capture, location coordinates, and camera/device model used.

> Note: Screenshots create brand-new file metadata generated by the phone’s OS, wiping the original camera/GPS data. If an image is a screenshot, EXIF data cannot verify original capture details.

3. Image Privacy Workarounds

As of today, no single application satisfies all four criteria for secure photo sharing simultaneously:

• No Personal-Identifiable Information (phone number/email) required.
• Blocked photo download/saving capabilities.
• Hardware-enforced screenshot blocking.
• Permanent deletion/destruction after a single view.

What you can do instead is apply practical risk-reduction workarounds:

• Use Specialized/Disposable Accounts: Create a separate virtual phone number or dedicated email solely for matchmaking. If any stalking occurs, you can delete or self-destruct the account entirely without compromising your personal identity.
• Strip EXIF Metadata: Before sending a photo file directly, strip location data and device metadata—or simply send a screenshot of the photo, which automatically strips original camera/GPS metadata.
• Use View-Once / Expiring Messages: Send photos using disappearing image options (like mobile WhatsApp "View Once" or Telegram self-destructing media) rather than permanent downloads.

> Note: Native screenshot blocking applies strictly to mobile apps. Web applications (like Telegram Web or WhatsApp Web) do not have system-level DRM permissions to block browser screenshots. Furthermore, no app protects against physical captures (someone taking a photo of the screen with a second phone). This is why compensating controls like watermarking are essential.

• Add Subtle Digital Watermarks: Overlay a faint, semi-transparent text watermark across the center of the image (e.g., "For [Username]'s eyes only - [Date]"). This discourages catfishes from stealing your photo for other profiles and prevents reverse-image indexing.

Phase 2: DURING Ta’aruf

1. State Your Non-Negotiables Early

• Substance Use: Smoker, vaper, alcoholic, or drug user.
• Abuse History: Tendency of physical, verbal, financial, or emotional abuse.
• Monogamy Only: Will not enter a polygamous arrangement.
• Heteronormative Marriage: Will not enter a "lavender marriage".
• Religious Alignment: Neglects basic Fardhu (obligatory Islamic duties).
• Political Alignment: Holds political extremist views.
• Chronic Health Issues: Hereditary diseases, physical disabilities, etc.

2. Discuss Flexible Preferences & Compromises

• Relocation & Career Goals: Are both parties open to moving cities/countries? How will dual careers or financial ambitions be handled?
• Financial Dynamics & Decision-Making: Who manages household expenses? How are major financial choices made, and how do you compromise when you disagree?
• Past & Histories: Openness about being a revert, past marriages, existing debts, medical/health issues, or legal/criminal records.
• Child Upbringing & Family Relationships: Boundaries regarding in-laws, cultural expectations, social circles, and methods of raising children.
• Religious Practice Beyond Fardhu: Voluntary ibadah (Sunnah prayers, fasting, seeking knowledge), and overall spiritual lifestyle.
• Conflict Resolution & Emotional Management: How do they express anger and stress? What are their deepest fears regarding marriage (e.g., fear of cheating, loss of freedom, lack of commitment)?

3. Audit Timelines & Extravagant Claims

• Check the Logic: Do their stated age, career progression, and life events logically add up?
• Crisis Deflection: A major manipulation tactic is dropping a dramatic, unverifiable bomb right when held accountable (e.g., sudden emergency surgeries, vague family disasters, or last-minute deployments) followed by radio silence.

4. Cultural, Legal, & Country-Specific Requirements

• Legal Documentation: Single-status certificates, divorce decrees (if applicable), background/criminal checks, or embassy/visa paperwork for international matches.
• Cultural & Family Expectations: Dowry (Mahr), wedding ceremony scale, and parental involvement.
• Involve Family / Guardians (Wali) Early: Involving a Wali or third party early acts as an instant filter against players looking for secret, long-term text affairs.
• Transition to Video Early: Persistent excuses to avoid voice/video calls or meeting in person after weeks of texting are a major red flag.

Phase 3: AFTER Initial Ta’aruf

After a few weeks (ideally: 2-3 weeks) of interaction, step back to objectively analyze their behavioral patterns before making a long-term commitment.

1. Communication Consistency

Real effort requires steady consistency. If you are constantly initiating, asking all the questions, and chasing basic updates while receiving crumbs in return, they are likely juggling multiple conversations or treating you as an option.

2. Transparency vs. Secrecy

Watch out for people who seem warm and attentive for a few days, then suddenly disappear or act cold, only to return with excuses that demand your sympathy. A sincere potential will be consistent, transparent, and proactive about aligning timelines, involving family, and taking concrete steps toward marriage.

Final Thought

Protecting your heart, mental health, and future is far more important than giving endless benefit of the doubt to a stranger behind a screen. Stay safe, trust your gut, and don't settle for anything less than complete transparency!

Disclaimer

Navigating matchmaking online naturally carries inherent privacy and safety risks. However, as digital interaction becomes increasingly common, having practical precautions in place is essential. This guide aims to provide actionable security over internet and personal safety principles for online ta'aruf.

Please bear in mind that the process in writing this guide is merely a suggestion to safeguard your digital privacy. First and foremost, do your due diligence! And trust your gut, if something is too good to be true, it probably is.

Improvements

Please feel free to share your thoughts, tips, or improvements in the comments below. Hope this helps!

Bismillah. Reposted again for my best friend (who is a good woman) to search for her forever after. May Allah grant barakah to this journey and lead everyone to what is best for both worlds. Amin.

Edited to include some of her other details and interests.

About Her

- 27F, ~150cm (yes, petite), slim.

- Based in Malaysia. Open to relocating internationally under specific, mutually agreed-upon conditions.

- Single, never married, no children, no past relationships.

- Sunni (Shafi'i). Do the obligatory Fardhu, while still enjoying what life has to offer. Completed 5 prayers, hijabi, fasting during Ramadhan, etc.

- Holds a B.Eng and currently works in the tech sector. Open to being a housewife if long-term financial stability is fully guaranteed.

- Do not have online presence, she does has social media accounts but I have never seen her posted anything. Her workplace once complained how hard to do some research on her due to her lack of presence on the internet.

- Able to communicate fluently in Bahasa Malaysia/Indonesia and English. Conversational level in Arabic and Korean.

- Hobbies: she likes thinking - anything from murder mystery party, documentaries on cold cases, ancient lost histories, etc. Good at baking, her brownies is delicious! Not so much at cooking 😅 Games also her favourite pasttime.

- Her personality in my POV: strict/meticulous, kind, resourceful, kinda funny, smart, direct and a bit blunt/honest

What She Is Looking For

- Flexible age. Taller than her. Average build.

- Malaysian preferred, but completely open to other ethnicities.

- Working a fulltime job, or has a stable financial circumstances. Minimum of a Bachelor’s degree, but flexible as long as has the drive for learning.

- Family-oriented, supportive, emotionally mature, clean/hygienic, and grounded in faith without leaning into religious or political extremes.

- Ideally to get married within a year after initial contact.

- Yes to children but must do preparations before kids.

- Man, and acts like a man, through and through.

Absolute Dealbreakers

- Smoking, vaping, alcohol, drug, gambling, addiction, of any kind.

- Chronic health issues that affects the quality of life.

- Any history or tendency toward verbal, emotional, or physical abuse.

- Strictly seeking monogamous marriage and not open to a lavender marriage.

- Neglecting Fardhu or holding extremist views.

DM me your:

- Bio (Age, location, education, job, religiosity, tc.)

- Current Picture (I will provide her picture too.)

- Dealbreakers (Physical, lifestyle, cultural, etc.)

Note on Communication: I am managing the initial filtering for her. If you meet her criteria and provide the three requirements above, I will pass along her private WhatsApp number (which she uses exclusively for taaruf) so you can connect with her directly.

I pray for the success of you all trying in your search ❤️

Again, this is not for me, I'm married with kids.

Thank you.

Bismillah. I saw the subreddit and thought it would be a great place for my best friend (who is a good woman) to search for her forever after. May Allah grant barakah to this journey and lead everyone to what is best for both worlds. Amin.

About Her

• 27F, ~150cm (yes, petite), slim.
• Based in Malaysia. Open to relocating internationally under specific, mutually agreed-upon conditions.
• Single, never married, no children, no past relationships.
• Sunni (Shafi'i). Do the obligatory Fardhu, while still enjoying what life has to offer. Completed 5 prayers, hijabi.
• Holds a B.Eng and currently works in the tech sector. Open to being a housewife if long-term financial stability is fully guaranteed.

What She Is Looking For

• Flexible age. Taller than her. Average build.
• Malaysian preferred, but completely open to other ethnicities.
• Working a fulltime job, or has a stable financial circumstances. Minimum of a Bachelor’s degree, but flexible as long as has the drive for learning.
• Family-oriented, supportive, emotionally mature, clean/hygienic, and grounded in faith without leaning into religious or political extremes.
• Ideally to get married within a year.
• Yes to children but do preparation before kids.

Absolute Dealbreakers

• Smoking, vaping, alcohol, drug, gambling, addiction, of any kind.
• Any history or tendency toward verbal, emotional, or physical abuse.
• Strictly seeking monogamous marriage and not open to a lavender marriage.
• Neglecting Fardhu or holding extremist views.

DM me your:

• Bio (Age, location, education, job, religiosity, tc.)
• Current Picture (I will provide her picture too.)
• Dealbreakers (Physical, lifestyle, cultural, etc.)

Note on Communication: I am managing the initial filtering for her. If you meet her criteria and provide the three requirements above, I will pass along her private WhatsApp number (which she uses exclusively for taaruf) so you can connect with her directly.

If you are not ready to share these details or if you meet any of her dealbreakers, please do not reach out.

I pray for the success of you all trying in your search ❤️

Edit: This is not for me, I'm married with kids.

Thank you.