u/Low_Hat_3534

I’m 25f, and ever since I started university, I’ve struggled to form healthy friendships especially with other women.

When I did make female friends, the relationships often became exhausting. They would constantly point out things they thought I needed to “fix,” whether it was my bags, my hair color, the way I responded to bullies, or other small aspects of my personality and appearance. Over time, it felt more critical than supportive.

Eventually, I gave up on trying to build close female friendships and became part of a friend group made up mostly of men. I spent about three years with them, but over time I started noticing behavior that felt increasingly uncomfortable.

For example, one guy would go out of his way to do overly personal things for me, like taking off his shoes because I couldn’t walk comfortably in heels even though he had a girlfriend. Another constantly tried to make me laugh and sought my attention, but never introduced me to his female friends and seemed to hide our friendship, as if being seen with me would be embarrassing. One friend was especially controlling. He would question why I laughed at someone else’s joke and regularly tried to turn me against other people so I would stay dependent on him.

Outside of university, my friendships with men followed a similar pattern. Some were overly sentimental and emotionally intense; others were cold and inconsistent. Their behavior often left me questioning where I stood with them.

In mixed friend groups, I frequently felt singled out. For example, in one group of four (two men and two women), I was often left out of jokes or treated like the villain for no clear reason. When I brought this up, I was told I was imagining things, even though the men were noticeably kinder and more attentive to my female friend than they were to me. This made me doubt myself and spiral emotionally.

Years later, some of these men would announce their engagements or marriages in strange ways that felt as though they expected me to be emotionally affected by the news. A few even admitted they had “gone through a phase” with me, which only confirmed that their intentions had not been purely platonic.

As an adult, this pattern has been confusing and emotionally draining. I often feel criticized by women and treated ambiguously by men.

At the risk of sounding shallow, I am conventionally attractive, have a witty sense of humor, and generally get along well with strangers. People often describe me as approachable. After watching a lot of psychology content, I’ve started wondering whether some of this behavior comes from other people’s insecurities, projection, or unspoken attraction.

Most recently, I met someone who, almost immediately, started telling me that everything I was doing was wrong. It felt like unsolicited criticism and made me wonder: is this a way some people try to get attention, assert control, or “humble” someone?

Has anyone experienced similar relationship patterns? What do you think might be going on, and how can I improve my experiences and build healthier friendships?

I’m 25f, and ever since I started university, I’ve struggled to form healthy friendships especially with other women.

When I did make female friends, the relationships often became exhausting. They would constantly point out things they thought I needed to “fix,” whether it was my bags, my hair color, the way I responded to bullies, or other small aspects of my personality and appearance. Over time, it felt more critical than supportive.

Eventually, I gave up on trying to build close female friendships and became part of a friend group made up mostly of men. I spent about three years with them, but over time I started noticing behavior that felt increasingly uncomfortable.

For example, one guy would go out of his way to do overly personal things for me, like taking off his footwear because I couldn’t walk comfortably in heels even though he had a girlfriend. Another constantly tried to make me laugh and sought my attention, but never introduced me to his female friends and seemed to hide our friendship, as if being seen with me would be embarrassing. One friend was especially controlling. He would question why I laughed at someone else’s joke and regularly tried to turn me against other people so I would stay dependent on him.

Outside of university, my friendships with men followed a similar pattern. Some were overly sentimental and emotionally intense; others were cold and inconsistent. Their behavior often left me questioning where I stood with them.

In mixed friend groups, I frequently felt singled out. For example, in one group of four (two men and two women), I was often left out of jokes or treated like the villain for no clear reason. When I brought this up, I was told I was imagining things, even though the men were noticeably kinder and more attentive to my female friend than they were to me. This made me doubt myself and spiral emotionally.

Years later, some of these men would announce their engagements or marriages in strange ways that felt as though they expected me to be emotionally affected by the news. A few even admitted they had “gone through a phase” with me, which only confirmed that their intentions had not been purely platonic.

As an adult, this pattern has been confusing and emotionally draining. I often feel criticized by women and treated ambiguously by men.

At the risk of sounding shallow, I am conventionally attractive, have a witty sense of humor, and generally get along well with strangers. People often describe me as approachable. After watching a lot of psychology content, I’ve started wondering whether some of this behavior comes from other people’s insecurities, projection, or unspoken attraction.

Most recently, I met someone who, almost immediately, started telling me that everything I was doing was wrong. It felt like unsolicited criticism and made me wonder: is this a way some people try to get attention, assert control, or “humble” someone?

Has anyone experienced similar relationship patterns? What do you think might be going on, and how can I improve my experiences and build healthier friendships?

I’m 25F, and ever since I started university, I’ve struggled to form healthy friendships especially with other women.

When I did make female friends, the relationships often became exhausting. They would constantly point out things they thought I needed to “fix,” whether it was my bags, my hair color, the way I responded to bullies, or other small aspects of my personality and appearance. Over time, it felt more critical than supportive.

Eventually, I gave up on trying to build close female friendships and became part of a friend group made up mostly of men. I spent about three years with them, but over time I started noticing behavior that felt increasingly uncomfortable.

For example, one guy would go out of his way to do overly personal things for me, like taking off his shoes because I couldn’t walk comfortably in heels even though he had a girlfriend. Another constantly tried to make me laugh and sought my attention, but never introduced me to his female friends and seemed to hide our friendship, as if being seen with me would be embarrassing. One friend was especially controlling. He would question why I laughed at someone else’s joke and regularly tried to turn me against other people so I would stay dependent on him.

Outside of university, my friendships with men followed a similar pattern. Some were overly sentimental and emotionally intense; others were cold and inconsistent. Their behavior often left me questioning where I stood with them.

In mixed friend groups, I frequently felt singled out. For example, in one group of four (two men and two women), I was often left out of jokes or treated like the villain for no clear reason. When I brought this up, I was told I was imagining things, even though the men were noticeably kinder and more attentive to my female friend than they were to me. This made me doubt myself and spiral emotionally.

Years later, some of these men would announce their engagements or marriages in strange ways that felt as though they expected me to be emotionally affected by the news. A few even admitted they had “gone through a phase” with me, which only confirmed that their intentions had not been purely platonic.

As an adult, this pattern has been confusing and emotionally draining. I often feel criticized by women and treated ambiguously by men.

At the risk of sounding shallow, I am conventionally attractive, have a witty sense of humor, and generally get along well with strangers. People often describe me as approachable. After watching a lot of psychology content, I’ve started wondering whether some of this behavior comes from other people’s insecurities, projection, or unspoken attraction.

Most recently, I met someone who, almost immediately, started telling me that everything I was doing was wrong. It felt like unsolicited criticism and made me wonder: is this a way some people try to get attention, assert control, or “humble” someone?

Has anyone experienced similar relationship patterns? What do you think might be going on, and how can I improve my experiences and build healthier friendships?