u/Low_Intention_4108

I was a virgin when I met my boyfriend and was aware of the fact that sex can be uncomfortable and/or painful in the beginning but that your body gets used to it after you’ve been intimate a couple of times.

We’ve been together for 2 years now and have had sex many times but the thing is, it’s never not painful or uncomfortable for me to some degree. Out of all the times we’ve had sex, maybe 2-3 occasions have been pretty much painless. I’m always sore afterwards and it feels like my vagina is a bruise.

This is making it hard for me to get turned on properly because I know what is coming. I assume my body associates sex with pain and therefore I cannot get properly turned on. It’s a viscous cycle. There have been times where I kind of don’t want to hang out because I just don’t wanna deal with the sex and I cant reject it. I want it in theory but it never gets better in practice. It’s making me feel difficult. I cannot physically live up to the version I have of myself in my mind. I want to be sexy, fun and capable but I’m actually sexually crippled.

Utöver annat som jobb/plugg & vardaglig browsing så vill jag kunna använda den till att spela mc utan att det laggar. Jag vill att laptopen överlag ska funka till lite olika saker, så jag är inte ute efter en ”gaming dator” men en dator som kan hantera lite gaming. Vill inte lägga mer än max 10k.

Something has changed. I don’t really feel the same way about us anymore, but I’m not sure what that means.

We’ve had a couple of misunderstandings and fights during the past year and I think these things have affected my feeling more than I’d like to admit.

I think it has affected his feelings too despite him still saying that he’s madly in love with me. His energy is different. He’s tired of me in some ways at least.

The spark is damaged. I don’t know if it’s fully gone but I’m not excited anymore.

Things said can never be unsaid and the damage that words do to our souls cannot always be repaired. Even if some words aren’t true, they still hurt you in that moment and your mind and body will remember that pain.

We’re not in a bad place right now but I still hear some words and sentences in the back of my head.

I have this nagging feeling deep down in my bones that we might don’t belong together. It plays out as intrusive thoughts sometimes. I can be occupied with something and just randomly get thoughts of how things aren’t right. It’s almost like these thoughts are planted into my head because they just occur out of nowhere, but it’s consistent.

It’s hard to tell if the relationship in itself is not right, if it’s just a rough patch or if I’m just not meant to be in a relationship. Somehow I find it very hard to be in a relationship when it’s something that shouldn’t be hard. Maybe that’s just who I am. I’m not too fund of such an intense bond. It’s scary and difficult as well being so intimate with someone when you don’t even like yourself. I am uncomfortable with myself and am unable to grow, despite trying hard.

The most difficult thing of all is that my partner isn’t a bad person at all. In fact he’s better than majority of people I’d say. He’s not perfect, of course we all have our flaws but his heart is pure, I think. He does have a lot of qualities that I prefer in a partner and he does make me laugh and put a smile on my face.