Am I being bullied ?
So this all started with a friend group I had (we are all in high school mind you) it was 5 girls. (Not gonna say their real names) so it was me, Cassie, Anna, Sarah, and Sally. I started dating this guy considerably older than me. We dated for almost 6 months. He was very cold and just bad with feelings, he also had a addiction which affected our relationship. This was the first bf I ever had and my first a lot of things. I let way too much slide and forgave too easily. When we broke up he did it over text in a shitty ass way. About a week later I lost my mind on him. I was just guarded at school and I apologized to my friends because I felt that I was being rude- the only person I was trying to be rude to was my ex. I began to hear all these things about me being crazy and mean and awful to everyone. My ex’s best friend reached out to me to ask if I was okay- I poured out my heart to him- it was not pretty it was vulnerable and messy and definitely not media trained- I was ranting to someone I thought I could trust…. I come to find out that he was screenshotting those messages and sending them to a gc that had two of the girls from my friend group in it (Anna and Cassie) they were making fun of me and I saw the messages myself. He was telling me though I was making an effort to do better, I wassent doing enough and nobody could tell a difference and everybody thought I was a bitch. I spoke to Sally and Sarah about this and they said that I had not even been rude and they were confused about what (ex’s best friend, Cassie, and Anna) were talking about. I heard through a family member that goes to my same school that they saw Cassie and my ex going out together before we had broken up. I was not shocked. Cassie is very manipulative and very insecure she likes to make people feel bad about themselves or the people around them and then she is super overly kind a day later and it is a very difficult thing to deal with. I always thought this was unintentional and just her personality but as this whole thing went on an I began to hear more and more rumors about myself that were not true, plus that I was a bad person and a bad friend. I began to realize they enjoyed seeing me feel bad about myself. A separate time at the lunch line I was trying to talk to Cassie and Anna bc I wanted them to stop being mean and be my friends again. I said that I didn’t like a character in a show and then said “you are one to talk about changing yourself for a man” I said what do you mean by that and she said “I didn’t mean anything by it, it’s not a
Bad thing” but I was just like okay whatever. At multiple parties Cassie paraded my ex around although “he is like my brother I’d never date him ew that’s so gross” then made jokes about being preyed on by an older guy and how that is so quirky. I still tried to keep quiet, I was really fucking hurting a lot. But there was this narrative that I felt of just straight hate and that I was crazy but in reality a lot of the paragraphs and moments where I left rooms or looked angry were reactions to each individual situation adding up. It got to a point where I began to cry everyday in the bathroom and no longer eating with them bc I’d get ignored, treated badly, or my ex would be paraded around. I have a photo in my phone where I’m sitting alone bc everyone moved from my table to go sit with Cassie and my ex that “we’re not dating”. Eventually I just ate in different teachers rooms everyday. After a month after the break up a guy basically fell into me and we immediately clicked. I tried to leave everything bc I just wanted it to be peaceful. Immediately Anna started telling people that I don’t like my bf and i am just embarked that I had sex with him bc im a slut. A month later I got a message from Cassie saying “hey I know we aren’t as close as we used to be but I went on a date with your ex yesterday” plus also saying she really did have my best interest in mind and blah blah or whatever I told her I knew that it was not true that it was yesterday. I told her I knew she spoke badly of me and that I didn’t believe that she really cared about me and wanted what was best for me. I then stopped answering. A few weeks later I texted Anna to say that I noticed she doesn’t show up to school anymore and that she cries in classes a lot and that if I had hurt her I knew she was sensitive but I really did never mean to. This wassent me trying to come back into her life. I just wanted to know if she was okay.” We had a long texting fight but basically she said that she wasn’t okay and it was my fault bc all this stuff I did (I kept asking her about these things bc most all of it was things I had not even heard of, I was so confused I never blamed any of my issues on her) she kept saying that I was a liar and a bad person, I only cared about myself, I’m a hypocrite, I’m delusional, and I only ever play victim. She also said that she doesn’t agree with my lifestyle and my new bf.She said a not of things that really fucking hurt me a lot. It’s been months since this happened. I still think about this all the time, she was my best friend last summer and she said some nasty things, it really affected the way I see myself and my self confidence. I talk of this whole situation in therapy a lot, if what she says is true than I need to self assess a lot. It’s hard for me to hate her the way I can hate Cassie and my ex. They did those things knowing it would hurt me and if anything enjoyed it. Anna is very easily manipulated and is like Cassie’s right hand man. She doesn’t get treated well at home and she has this shine and glow about her that recently I haven’t seen. Cassie tells her she is stupid and too loud all the time, I have so much compassion for her- I know she is a good person and I miss her so much. She was someone who made me laugh and I had a very deep connection with. I miss her so much. Similar to my last relationship the dynamic between Cassie and Anna is an endless push and pull. Cassie is awful to her and talks bad about her and then is her bestest friend the next day- I have received love like that it feels so deep bc the highs are so high and the lows are so low. It feels like you have a deeper connection than maybe you actually do bc of the emotions felt. Anna is very confusing thought, she has gone through a lot, she can be so genuine and kind sometimes but she usually just goes with whatever the people around her do, and sometimes she was be really nasty, sometimes she acts clueless and stupid when he is absolutely not dumb at all. But I think this is a defense mechanism bc I know she struggles bc people make her feel as if she issnt. I think she makes herself feel that way too. Sarah still spends time with the rest of the group but me Sarah and Sally have our own little group now. But Sarah tells me that all Cassie and Anna do now is just talk badly about people. This is so different that the Anna I remember. Eventually I completely stopped talking to The Cassie, my ex, Annie, and ex bfs best friend group. I sat with my friend since 6th grades bf and my gay friend at their band concert- then my friend since 6th grade said that multiple peop came up to her saying that bc I sat with those two i was flirting with her bf. I was flabbergasted bc first of all I knew who said that, second i have only ever platonically looked at those guys (worth noting that her bf liked me but i rejected him and said i only ever thought of him in a friend way. I stopped talking to him bc of this, my girlfriend is my priority and I don’t wanna make her uncomfortable. Recently I have been going line dancing. That whole group goes (including my ex) I just have been ignoring them and dancing bc I love dancing and I have fun mostly bc sometimes they try to fuck with me, the whisper and look at me or invite my ex (he had not gone untill I started going). But I’ve gotten better I focus on myself and I just try to dance and drink my Dr Pepper. This still effects me but I usually try to mind my own business then bring things up in therapy- it better with distance but the damage on my self worth is catastrophic but I try to stay rational and I am very aware of the way I act and why. It still affects me and I was looking at old photos with Sarah and Sally and it made them sad. It makes me sad too, they assured me that the friend group falling out issnt my fault but I feel guilty for it. I am the reason Sarah and Sally have to run back and forth between my table where I sit alone and their table with lots of people. Apparently my ex and Cassie talk shit about them for talking to me. I sit alone at line dancing and it sucks but I keep my head up and dance my heart out bc that is what I’m here to do. This is a huge timeline if I remember anything else I’ll add it to the comments. So…. Thoughts?