u/MADMUFFIN996

Sooo me and this guy been hanging as fwb very punctual we see each other every 15-20 days. But this last time changed everything. We normally had sx watch a movie and cuddle. Im not looking for a relationship atm since i believe i still got some shit i gotta heal from so this setting works for now. So this guy knows im diabetic and had a kidney transplant 3 yrs ago. He have seen me inject myself and all that. So this time we were hanging and it was time to take my pills and he said “damn so many pills are u rotten inside or what” and i just couldn’t respond i just kinda was there disassociating tbh. But his words were super ingrained in my brain. And a week later one of ny eyes started bleeding inside the retina docs said maybe was post effect since i had to take some steroids for a month and those fk my sugar and blood pressure, but while i was at the emergency room all i could think was those words. It felts like agony and its been hard to separate the truth but i just keep thinking why am i trying to figure out why he said when i couldnt never say that to someone

I have had diabetes type 1 for 20 yrs i am 30yrs. When i got diagnosed it was a very challenging and also shameful diagnosis and a lot of why me questions. I grew up resenting it . I dont blame my mother but she in a way didnt i gues was there i remmever maybe i was 14 yrs old and she took me to the hemodialysis section in a hispital and told i would end uo like that. 3 yrs later she got diagnostef with cancer met 4 got surgery chemi etc and we used to travel to get her tests done to male sure she was ok. And i built more resentment sge could u know look what eqyipment was the best for me too. I attended collegye aesy from home and i just began to drank a lot i was frustrated about everything. She passed aeay in 2019 and in 2020 i got diagnosed with lidney failure and got a lidney transplant in 2023 my father was the donor. its veen a lot of challenges since then. Recently i got diagnosed with diabetic retinopathy and one way is way worst i might loose my vision and the other is on 70%. I know i shoulda talen batter care for myself but i was at war a lot with myself. I have been thibking lately of u inow x myself but all i thibk is ablut my family but also just lleep bringing them in this mess i am not proud of it but also it’s not a way to live i keep trying to eat super healthy since pre transplant exercise but for the years i wasnt its carching up to me sooner that later more money more everything abd ji nust dont hace the emotional bandwidth