u/MCR1nyc

I literally have the most sparse information on this guy. I literally joined Facebook in 2007 so this was during the time of nobody texting and the soon to be end of roommates sharing landlines.

Here are his details first.

Chinese American. About 6 foot. His name was Wei or Wai or maybe Wayland but went by Way? Can’t remember his last name for the life of me. Lean, probably around 50 yrs old today.

He fancied himself looking like Bruce Lee, which his hairstyle definitely had that look. Kind of thought he was more handsome than Bruce Lee - definitely taller.

He had worked as an intern for Donna Karan. Lived in Elmhurst, Queens with his uncle in a basement apartment. I specifically remember him telling me about a lawsuit at Donna Karan having to deal with interns because they were basically being used as employees and violating their rights.

If I remember correctly, his family was from San Francisco, and he ended up back there.

Now I’ll share some tidbits about myself:

Redhead, 6’2, and today 51. Still living in the same apartment in Queens.

Wei came into my life, sort of at the wrong time. I had a series a god awful relationships of just back to back liars, cheats and sociopaths, so when Wei came into the picture I was super cautious.

We met at a gay predominantly Asian nightclub called THE WEB. He came right up to me towards the end of the night, told me he’d been watching me all night and would love a date.

I believe our first date was to AVENUE Q on Broadway. We sat in the very last row, but it didn’t matter because the show was great.

I ended up dumping Wei. Not only dumping him, I blocked him on my phone and email. It was aggressive on my part but it was because of one major thing: he kept telling me he loved me!

It was literally after two weeks of seeing him he told me he loved me. Then it was constant. I asked him to stop because, even though I liked him A LOT, I just needed the pacing to go slower. I wanted something that felt normal and up to that point almost every guy I dated was just so impulsive or manic or an addict and I just wanted someone who would allow us to get to know each other without this sense of codependency or cruelty. But Wei just wouldn’t listen.

What can I say, I’m originally from Montana. Good Midwest kid with a good Midwest family. I didn’t understand these gay men in the city with all these issues! But then I had these Norman Rockwell ideas on dating that revolved around diners and long walks in the park - not K-holes and living like vampires of the night.

I also didn’t trust anyone saying they loved me so soon. It’s typically the type saying “I love you” right away who are the crash and burn kind - or just desperate for anyone.

Yet, I really liked him. A lot. I just needed him to keep his love for me to himself for like, a month or two. He just couldn’t. I broke up with him, I believe, right after Thanksgiving in 2006.

It’s kind of awful why I broke up with him. He wanted to impress me dancing at my friend’s Thanksgiving party. He was doing the most, like a Britney Spears dance routine and accidentally knocked over a lamp and broke some of my friend’s items. After that embarrassment, we were walking towards the trains to leave and he started up again with how much he loved me. It was then I decided by the end of the week we would be done.

It was the winter of 2007 and I started seeing someone else who, once again, a menace. Another drug addict. Another sign of trouble. This person I felt compelled to help but I thought of Wei and if he was okay. I thought, “maybe I can just deal with someone instantly in love with me rather than another addict”.

I didn’t have his number anymore - I had switched phones. I didn’t know his email. But, I knew where he lived.

So I got on the Subway train during the middle of a snow storm and went to Elmhurst, Queens, where he lived.

I get to his apartment and some old Chinese man answers. Doesn’t speak English. A little Chinese girl came from somewhere in the apt complex who translated. She told me the men who lived in the basement moved to San Francisco, but they didn’t have anymore information than that.

I suddenly felt terribly sad.

But this was now my answer - to move on and now keep a new space for this new guy I was seeing who had red flags all over him.

Well, that new guy stayed my friend for the next 20+ years and he is now in rehab. The new guy really impacted my life in a multitude of ways - one major one being me understanding the role of mental illness in people’s lives.

I guess one could say I gave into the universe which was always sending me damaged goods rather than hold out for something that resembled normal.

But from time to time I do wonder, “what happened to that one guy who was in love with me day 1. Where did he end up?”

I image he’s married and doing financially well. I hope my rejection didn’t screw him up - yet I wonder.

And if you haven’t guessed, my dating life never got any better - but I did learn how to become a public advocate and fight for worker’s rights, housing rights and become a power of attorney to those needing help in criminal justice and mental health. And I did all that for free - my job has nothing to do with any of that. And I probably wouldn’t have done any of that if I stayed with Wei.

I’ve worked in the food service industry since my teenage years. I’m 51 and now a catering manager living in NYC.

1. Top Reason: the Independent Contractor status.

This means there are no managers managing staff. This means the delivery person can behave however, appear however, which unfortunately reflects on all of the delivery people no matter how professional some may be.

2. Tips determining service.

For generations, food delivery tips were given IN PERSON. Many people have been accustomed to this. With pre-tipping one would think this would help incentive, but it hasn’t, it’s often had the opposite effect.

3. Incomplete deliveries.

Delivered to the wrong location. Half delivered items. Unsecured deliveries by unskilled workers - items opened, missing items, items drenched in spills.

Living in NYC since the 90s I’ve always being able to order take out from the diverse cuisines available: Thai, Indian, Greek, Filipino - so awesome! But when food delivery was awesome is when the delivery people worked for the restaurants. If there was an issue, you could speak directly to the delivery person or call the restaurant and give them your complaint. You could form a relationship with the delivery person! Tip extra during the holidays or troubling weather.

When Door Dash came on the scene all delivery interactions plummeted.

Now you would get deliveries by people who didn’t represent the restaurant. They didn’t care to smile, they didn’t care to be off their phones - you are interfering in their flow.

They are also judging you on the size of their tips. Granted, some of this is understandable- they see two dollars on a $34 dollar meal they’re getting less than an actual waiter in a restaurant and they are driving their food to you?!? Seems unfair.

But then some of the customers are already thinking “delivery fees” are going to the delivery person.

But then there is the culture of food - “why tip on ordering McDonald’s if I never tip at McDonald’s”. This is when the customer is being absolutely horrible but then the “independent contractor” is agreeing to deliver this food. This is an example of the broken relationship between customer and delivery when neither side is clear with the new expectation of tipping on ALL FOOD regardless if it’s fast food or not.

But for me, living in NYC, the minute Door Dash got involved all my deliveries when downhill.

The smiles were gone.
Arriving to my door was gone.

The most hilarious experience was ordering from a corner pizza place which I was too sick to just walk down to. The delivery guy picks up my order but refuses to bring to my door. Fine - so I go outside and I still can’t find him. I walk more, and more… now I’m almost to the pizza place. There he is. Sitting in his car on the phone. I ask him “why did you make me walk all the way down here?” His response, “I drove past your place, realize I drove past but I wasn’t gonna drive past again”. ?????

The worst experience was ordering on a day I was doing a lot of work from home. I order. An hour goes by. I see my delivery was delivered but the GPS makes it look like it was dropped off on another block. I contact customer service that say they will refund me but if I want the order again I have to order it again. So I order again. Now, another hour goes by. I go outside and see my order is scattered all over the street! I know it’s my order because I find a receipt. It’s raining now so it’s all drenched. I take photos and call customer service - refund will be issued.

I still want food. As I am about to order again I see the last two orders had the same delivery person’s name - Armin. I contact Door Dash and ask if there any way I can prevent Armin from being my delivery person. The answer back is basically NO. This time when I order I put in the notes “do not give to Armin - I am not receiving my order when it’s him”.

It is now another hour and 30 mins. There’s a banging at my door. I open my door and food is thrown at me. “Why you trying to get me fired?!?” It’s Armin. He wreaks of booze. He smells god awful, clothes totally a mess, and I see he’s been drinking the soda ordered.

“You want to fight me?!? I’m gonna fight you!!!”

Apparently he wants to beat me up.

I tell him to leave or I’ll call the cops.

I slammed the door on him. He continues to bang. I contact Door Dash and tell them I’m going to call the cops on this dude if he doesn’t leave.

Even if this seems like the most dramatic worst case scenario experience, it DID NOT SURPRISE ME. Delivery after delivery each person leading up to Armin was worse than the person before them. People with attitudes, people who didn’t give a sh*t, people too distracted on their phones. A few stunk of weed. Now I get a drunk driver???

This is why my #1 reason for why Door Dash sucks is there is no manager. There is no one to tell people how to act. And if you leave people to their own behaviors, they don’t give a sh*t. “I’m an independent contractor dude!” Really? So the way you want to present yourself is you’re a ratchet azz crackhead?

Tipping huge ahead of time didn’t help.
Trying to give a cash tip didn’t help.
NOTHING changes the game - the players clearly have zero sense of pride or professionalism.

With almost all my area restaurants converting to Door Dash, the answer for me became clear - STOP ordering delivery.

It sucks too because all this cool NYC food I originally sampled through delivery.

I feel sorry for any Door Dash delivery person who does have a sense of pride… only to find out Door Dash has also been stealing their worker’s tips?

The entire operation can go to hell.