u/MainCorrect8791

When puberty started for me, I wished and I think I even prayed to God to become a boy. I thought if I acted enough like a boy my body would get the idea and switch by itself though I didn't fully understand the difference between boys and girls, having a "girl" puberty didn't feel right. Unfortunately that physical switch didn't quite happen.

Now I'm a young trans adult (22yo) and I'm wondering about something. This may sound super childish, but if I prayed consistently and faithfully, couldn't God transform my body to be like that of a cis man's? Would fasting and prayer work?

I've got to do something about being trans bc it's not going away and dragging myself through the day trying to distract myself from my dysphoria and poor mental health isn't cutting it, not when pretty much everything reminds me of it all and/or makes it worse.

Maybe this is one of those things I just have to wait for. Kid me prayed and wished "for my body to change" so if I ever go on T (and I hope that can happen ASAP) and get top surgery, technically my prayers will have been answered. If not, then there's the promise of getting a new body in Heaven, though with how terrible I've been lately I unfortunately doubt I'll be getting one and the implication there terrifies me.

Anyway, is it possible? Faith can move mountains. Maybe that's purely figurative, but anything is possible with God.

I (22FTM) think I'm falling for a friend of mine. Don't know what gender she is yet, she uses any pronouns so for the sake of clarity I'll use she/her and call her Rosie.

Rosie (20F?) and I have been friends for years but last year we started growing closer. We, along with another friend, have a group chat and we're the best of pals.

Recently I think I'm starting to have feelings for her. And beyond the normal puppy love like wanting to hug her and hold her hand and cuddle. I don't believe I've ever been sexually attracted to anyone before. Maybe it just hormones (I'm not on T so that's not it) or my brain maturing. I'm asexual but I'm really questioning that now. I'd rather be asexual than whatever this is.

TMI ahead...

Anyway, I had a dream where I was interacting sexually with a woman. It wasn't really a spicy dream, it was more mechanical. I wasn't very good at pleasuring her. I didn't really see her face, but in dreams sometimes the vibe of the person matches somebody you know IRL and you just know it's them. Well, I think this woman was supposed to be Rosie.

I also hate myself for admitting this, but I've been struggling with masturbation a lot lately. I keep wrestling with myself on whether it's a sin or not. The Bible doesn't say anything about it but that doesn't mean it's "ok", right? And I'm not hurting anybody by doing it, but there's a verse (I think it's in Romans) about how if somebody think something is a sin, to that person it is indeed a sin. And my conscience (though I don't fully trust it bc I think I have religious OCD) is like an alarm when I think about masturbation or start doing it and during the process. Then I usually hate myself afterwards both from dysphoria and guilt.

And now I have thoughts of intimacy with Rosie getting mixed in with my regular fantasies and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I know what Jesus said about lust and I really hope I'm not committing that sin. I'm not sure how to pluck out my eye (figuratively) or cut off my hand to completely stop my self from masturbating and from being attracted to my friend. And how to stop entertaining the thought of being intimate when we discuss more personal things like sex. We talk very openly and it's kind of refreshing.

Maybe it'll fade away? I really don't like these feelings though I do but I hate myself more than I like them. If I can't not be attracted to women I wish I could be just attracted in theory, to the idea of women and not to an actual person. If that makes sense.

I really need your advice. Prayers appreciated, though I feel I don't deserve them. I've got other things going on and they make me feel like I can't even call myself a Christian, I'm not very good at being one.

So I'm a cleaner (not yet professional but I want to be) and I'm cleaning someone's house once in a while. And also the church building I go to (please don't hate me) every week.

I love my job, though it hurts my back. I do need the exercise and experience though. And I have a passion for cleaning.

However one thing I dread cleaning every time is the bathrooms. Specifically the toilets and urinals, both because they're inherently gross and... I feel indignant cleaning the men's bathrooms. Somewhere I'm "not allowed" to go, usually. I'm not out to my church or my family but if I was I'd probably not have this job. Maybe I'm being too negative.

DGMW, I appreciate having this job, it's given me a sense of purpose I didn't have before. My mental health has been in the trash lately but at least I have a job now doing something I enjoy, mostly.

When I look at the urinals I feel a sense of envy and sadness. I could use them with my current "setup", but it would be super messy. But no here comes somebody else who can use them no problem (though standing to pee regardless of anatomy is actually unhealthy compared to sitting or squatting, which is more natural). And it just makes me so angry and I hate myself and my body and I wish so badly that were me, not just so I could STP without a special item, but because then I'd have the right body.

Anyway little rant over. Just wondering if this happens to anyone else and what to do about it. Appreciate y'all's comments, thank you.

It makes me sick I can't tell anyone this freely. Just you guys and my friends. 🫤

Anyway, happy pride! 🏳️‍⚧️ 🏳️‍🌈 💙

CW: Mental health, homophobia,

Hi again. I'm the guy who posted about coming out to my pastor last month. That hasn't happened yet.

Because of mental health reasons, I'm feeling very pressured to come out to him. I'm afraid though I really want to.

I need to know if it's the right thing to do. I feel like it is because I've reached so many low points, every time I think "this is it, I can't go on". I don't know how much more of this hating and hurting myself I can take, waking up every day feeling dead inside.

As I've said before, best case scenario, my friend is understanding and helps me. Worst case scenario, I'm rejected, excommunicated and outed to my family. I think that would honestly kill me in one way or another.

I pray my friend will be compassionate and loving. This is silly and might be totally irrelevant, but last Sunday he wrote an article about a sign somewhere saying "Jesus had two dads and He turned out fine" and how appalled he and his family and friends were at it. And then again yesterday during Bible study, something briefly about homosexuality.

And I'm wondering, though I'm not sure if I should believe in "signs", if God is warning me, "you should repent, I'm telling you being queer is wrong, why aren't you listening?" OR "tread very cautiously if you come out to him" OR "he may be homophobic now, but you can change his mind and teach him".

I just don't know. I'm scared and confused. I want to come out before my mental health gets any worse. But I expect I'll be seen as a false prophet/ravenous wolf, a bad tree, or a bad influence trying to steer my friend (and church) away from God and the truth. I'm afraid that's what I'm doing by hoping my friend will still love and accept me.

I'm trying to trust God. I want to know if what *I* think is the right thing, is *actually* the right thing. The good thing to do. It's a huge leap of faith in God, my friend, and myself.

Prayers appreciated for discernment and wisdom. Also any verses you guys know that might help me out, or just plain old advice. Thank you. God bless. 💙

NOTES: I have found an affirming church. It's not too far away from my current one, but I can't get there myself, can't tell my family to drop me off there, and don't have anybody else who can do it.

No I can't drive or move out. I'm broke and unemployed and I'd need a car to get a job, but that's a catch 22.

I'm planning on coming out to a friend of mine. I don't know when, I just want to know what I should say.

I think I'll go with a metaphor. Like, "If you woke up tomorrow and you had a woman's body, how would you feel?" And expand on that with, "And you're now stuck like that for the rest of your life." Or some variation, maybe waking up as another person. Idk.

There's no way I could explain it well enough to a cis person and have them fully understand. I just want them to listen and consider what I'm saying.

How do I tell them I'm trans without explicitly stating it? How to explain gender dysphoria without saying "gender dysphoria"?

I think metaphors would work best, but please do give me anything you have. What's worked the best in your case? What should I keep in mind?