u/Malgirl24

My husband and I have been together for almost 6 years, married 2.5, and have a 2 year old together. Starting this year, he has been physically violent twice. He shoved me back in February and sprained my toe, and a couple weeks ago he pushed me off the deck. First he said he didn't push me, and then he said it was an accident, when it clearly wasn't.

Since we have been together, his substance abuse has only increased (both weed and alcohol). But he did stop gambling, once I discovered he had used my credit cards to gamble several thousand on sports betting the night after my baby was born (we were still in the hospital). He absolutely refuses any type of therapy.

Each time I try to ask him to cut back on weed or alcohol, we argue. He does not see a problem with it and insists I am too controlling. I am almost starting to believe him.

After this most recent argument where he pushed me off the deck, I have been more seriously considering leaving. But I am scared because I feel I will miss him. I cannot picture living on my own with my baby. When he is being nice, things are good and I enjoy his company. But he is also mean a lot. During the first 3 months postpartum, he would call me an ungrateful bitch or tell me to shut the fuck up if I asked him to please be quiet. Those remarks traumatized me on their own, because I didn't know he could even be that mean. He says it is because of the sleep deprivation. Maybe it is? He told me the other day he is ready for another baby.

I feel like I'm anxious more often than not now, and I just don't know the right path to take. Any advice is welcome!

It seems like every time my husband and I have an argument, he threatens divorce. This is scary for me as a stay at home mom. He has made me dependent on him. A couple of weeks ago, he pushed me off the deck and banged up my leg. I told him I wanted a divorce after that and he begged me to work it out with him, saying he would do anything to make our family work. The argument leading to that was about his excessive alcohol intake lately.

The argument most recently that led to him mentioning divorce is because I found out he was smoking weed on his way into work in the mornings and he knows how much that bothers me and agreed to stop. He didn't stop, just started trying to be sneakier. Now he wants a divorce because I found the weed stash.

I think I might be ready for a divorce at this point, especially to protect my baby. But I am scared. I can get a job easily, but I've never been away from my baby (she's two now). And housing seems impossible to afford. And I think I'll miss him a little.

I've been with my husband for almost 6 years, 2.5 married with a toddler.

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When we first met, he would only smoke weed very seldomly with friends. He knew how much smoking bothered me and just general weed use (just not my lifestyle). Fast forward to now, he relies on edibles multiple times a day and I found out he was smoking weed on his way into work in the mornings and staying late at side jobs to smoke weed with his coworkers. This bothers me. I understand that I cannot control him nor do I want to change who he is fundamentally.

Lately he has also been drinking excessively and twice now he has been physically violent (sprained my toe during an argument and pushed me off the deck during another).

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Situational domestic violence aside, I don't think I want to be with someone who makes weed such a priority in their life. Just personal preference here. I get very anxious about it.

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Has anyone experienced this? Am I wrong for being anxious about it? I don't want to throw away a good thing, but it doesn't feel good anymore...

My husband (31M) and I (32F) have been together for almost 6 years, 2.5 married. We have a toddler together, which complicates the outcome.

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Lately, my husband has had a much shorter fuse. The first time he has ever been violent towards me was in February. He left a handprint and sprained a toe from pushing me. We moved past it. Fast forward to last week, he pushed me off the deck. We are currently renovating, so there are no railings. I scraped up my leg a good amount but that's all. He pushed me because I was dumping out his beer. I admit I should not have done that, but he reeked of beer and when I needed help with our baby, he said "why can't you" and that just pushed me over the edge (hah, pun not intended but kinda funny). The next day he told me how much he wanted another baby. I asked "what if I had been pregnant when you pushed me?" And his reply was "you get more leniency to be crazy when you are pregnant".

What an odd response to that question.

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I proposed we both read a conflict resolution book together because he absolutely refuses therapy. Today I made a comment that "a great thing we have going for our relationship is that we both have the same future goals" (something stressed in the book as being very important). Well his response was "we have fundamental differences." I asked him to elaborate and he said I am too controlling and uptight.

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A little more background, when I had my baby, the next day (still in the hospital) my husband took my credit card and gambled thousands on sports betting. I asked him to stop, and he did. I can see how this might come off as controlling, but he has a very addictive personality.

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Even more background, before we got together way back in the day, I stressed how important it was to me that I am not with someone who smokes (cigarettes, weed, vape, whatever). My mother died of lung cancer and my father from COPD. Husband knew this about me, and fully supported it. Fast forward to this month, I found out he had been smoking weed on his way to work in the morning (7am, state job). He also relies on edibles every day, multiple a day. I came to terms with the edibles but the smoking still caused me great anxiety. I asked him if he could please just keep the smoking to an occasional with friends thing rather than in the morning commute. He agreed. I can see how this could be controlling but it is a belief I had shared from the get go.

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I had asked for a divorce after he pushed me off the deck, and he said he wanted to try anything he could to make our family work. However, when I try to communicate with him about the book or our relationship, he immediately resorts to attacking my character. I don't want to be the only one trying to make this work while he just ignores the very obvious problems and places blame on me.

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What would you do? Divorce? Stay? I don't want my baby to suffer because I made the wrong choice, whatever that may be.

I've been with my husband for 6 years, 2.5 married. We have a toddler together. Just this year, he has started being more physically violent when we argue. It started for the first time in February, when he grabbed me hard enough to leave handprints and pushed me, spraining my toe. We worked it out and moved on, but earlier this week we were arguing and he pushed me off the deck. This banged up my leg but has hurt me worse mentally. I am struggling to reconnect with him. Just a few days after, he told me how badly he wants another baby and has been overly affectionate. I said "what if I had been pregnant when you pushed me?" And his reply was "you get more leniency to be crazy when you are pregnant".

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He pushed me off the deck because I was dumping out his beer. He reeked of beer after drinking all day, and when I had asked him to watch our baby, he said "why can't you". This is what led to me dumping the beer. Perhaps I overreacted. If I hadn't dumped it, he wouldn't have pushed me. He said it is my fault for "stoking the fire" and that I can't "play victim here".

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First he said he didn't push me, then he said he didn't mean to. He also said I cannot label him as a "woman abuser" because that is not who he is (I have never once said those words). Any time I try to talk about the seriousness of him pushing me off the deck, he deflects and complains that I shouldn't have been upset with him in the first place.

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I told him I wanted a divorce and he said he would do anything to make our family work. Including stop drinking. He also takes edibles daily and I had to ask him to stop smoking weed on his way into work at 7am. I just don't know if it can work out now. I feel sad and constantly anxious.

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Has anyone been through anything similar? Does he just hate me now? Why would he only start being violent now?