u/Many-Army2557

TLDR: Looking for audiobook recommendations that re-examine the concept of prayer from a non-traditional view

Hey, so, I'm reaching a point in my deconstruction where I really need to re-examine prayer (as a concept), and I’m looking for book recommendations (specifically ones that have audiobooks available).

Prayer is so important to my wife, and she genuinely believes god has supernaturally intervened, and caused courses of events to happen to answer prayer. But, I cannot reconcile a God who can do that, and choses not to. The problem of Evil, yes. But also, the problem of prayers being "answered" for things that are evil.

I’m looking for books that explore why we pray from non-traditional angles (mysticism, post-evangelical, biblical scholarship, philosophy, or even psychology). Basically anything except standard evangelical apologetics or classic theodicy.

Any recommendations for books that have actually been helpful for you in re-examining this?

TLDR: Looking for audiobook recommendations that re-examine the concept of prayer from a non-traditional view

Hey, so, I'm reaching a point in my deconstruction where I really need to re-examine prayer (as a concept), and I’m looking for book recommendations (specifically ones that have audiobooks available).

Prayer is so important to my wife, and she genuinely believes god has supernaturally intervened, and caused courses of events to happen to answer prayer. But, I cannot reconcile a God who can do that, and choses not to. The problem of Evil, yes. But also, the problem of prayers being "answered" for things that are evil.

I’m looking for books that explore why we pray from non-traditional angles (mysticism, post-evangelical, biblical scholarship, philosophy, or even psychology). Basically anything except standard evangelical apologetics or classic theodicy.

Any recommendations for books that have actually been helpful for you in re-examining this?

God, I do not know where You are…
I call your name into a fog toward something that moved,
not knowing if what looks back at me is God,
or if it was ever anything at all beyond fog folding into itself.

Others tell me what they've seen in that obscurity,
but no one has walked so far into the void
to have reached the thing of which they speak.

So I stand at the edge of my perception,
calling Your name into the grey,
unsure if I am speaking to You,
or only simply to the vastness of creation,
the mist that encompasses us all.

The grief of losing this assurance is crushing.
I live in between two worlds:
a world of empiricism, and a world of mysticism,
a world of data, and a world of miracle,
a world of doubt, and a world of trust,
with a foothold in neither, I dangle between,
trying to pull the two worlds together,
so that they don’t pull me apart.

What can I know, in the face of Your mystery.
What can I trust, in the face of uncertainty.
I stand here, with the pieces of my faith,
shattered in my hands,
and I do not know which pieces are Yours.

I am tired, God.
Tired of being handed reasons for the parts of Your word that wound.
Tired of being told that every question has an answer,
when the answers feel like ways of avoiding the questions.

But perhaps I have already lost You.
Or perhaps…
I have lost only the God that I thought I knew.
Perhaps, I am finding You.

I miss the certainty.
I miss opening the Scriptures,
and believing that somewhere deep inside them,
there was a single unified voice that I could trust.
Now every answer opens another question.
Every question splits another axiom.

The cracks keep spreading,
far beneath what I let those I love see,
deep into the foundations of me.
I cannot make myself unsee them.

So here I am.
Without the trust to be certain.
Without the faithlessness to walk away.
Standing somewhere between…
between belief and disbelief,
between prayer and silence,
between the God I was taught
and the God who might be waiting
Beneath the tradition that I was given.

If You are still there, God, find me.
Find me…
Find me in the silence.
Find me in the questions.
Find me in the grief.
Find me in the ruins of my religion.
Find me…

If You are there,
I am still listening.

God, I do not know where You are…
I call your name into a fog toward something that moved,
not knowing if what looks back at me is God,
or if it was ever anything at all beyond fog folding into itself.

Others tell me what they've seen in that obscurity,
but no one has walked so far into the void
to have reached the thing of which they speak.

So I stand at the edge of my perception,
calling Your name into the grey,
unsure if I am speaking to You,
or only simply to the vastness of creation,
the mist that encompasses us all.

The grief of losing this assurance is crushing.
I live in between two worlds:
a world of empiricism, and a world of mysticism,
a world of data, and a world of miracle,
a world of doubt, and a world of trust,
with a foothold in neither, I dangle between,
trying to pull the two worlds together,
so that they don’t pull me apart.

What can I know, in the face of Your mystery.
What can I trust, in the face of uncertainty.
I stand here, with the pieces of my faith,
shattered in my hands,
and I do not know which pieces are Yours.

I am tired, God.
Tired of being handed reasons for the parts of Your word that wound.
Tired of being told that every question has an answer,
when the answers feel like ways of avoiding the questions.

But perhaps I have already lost You.
Or perhaps…
I have lost only the God that I thought I knew.
Perhaps, I am finding You.

I miss the certainty.
I miss opening the Scriptures,
and believing that somewhere deep inside them,
there was a single unified voice that I could trust.
Now every answer opens another question.
Every question splits another axiom.

The cracks keep spreading,
far beneath what I let those I love see,
deep into the foundations of me.
I cannot make myself unsee them.

So here I am.
Without the trust to be certain.
Without the faithlessness to walk away.
Standing somewhere between…
between belief and disbelief,
between prayer and silence,
between the God I was taught
and the God who might be waiting
Beneath the tradition that I was given.

If You are still there, God, find me.
Find me…
Find me in the silence.
Find me in the questions.
Find me in the grief.
Find me in the ruins of my religion.
Find me…

If You are there,
I am still listening.

🏴‍☠️TLRD: Build ideas for Dirge Singer Bard (Ranged/Control/Support), 3rd-Party Content Allowed.🏴‍☠️

I'll be playing a College of the Dirge Singer Bard in a Pirate-ish campaign coming up. I want the character to be a primary buff/debuff character, but with good ranged spell damage options. A lot of 3rd-Party Stuff is allowed (Exploring Eberron 2024, Crooked Moon, Drakkenheim, Grim Hollow, Steinhardt's, etc.).

So, any tips, when considering the expanded options, for build ideas?

Primarily, I'm looking for Feats, Spells, and other combos that would serve this build well.

Thank you