u/MarzipanExtreme6760

In Season 1, Ep 12 of the original show, Carly makes Sam a t-shirt to commemorate their friendship (think it’s five years of knowing each other?). Sam then says she will get Carly concert tickets to her favourite band as a gift in return. Sam then sells the t-shirt in order to pay for the tickets.

They argue, then as they’re making up, it’s revealed that Sam went to the concert and brought someone else with her as she and Carly were still arguing.

Whose side were you on?

At the end Freddie does an iCarly poll where the most votes are that they should just stop fighting period.

This is the first time in like 10 years ive watched the episode. Childhood me was on Carly’s side 100%, but adult me is kinda like well Sam had good intentions… but then the taking someone else to the concert would’ve also set me off if I was Carly so I don’t know 😂 maybe Carly was hoping Sam would just not attend the concert? Idk

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I don’t know how best to say this, I know some people are going to yell at me and feel annoyed and that’s fair enough.

A friend of mine is very into tarot readings and she told me of one tarot reader on Etsy, I’m actually not sure if it’s a tarot or a psychic, maybe both? Anyways, she kept telling me to try her, see what I thought. I know… law of assumption does not equal tarot.

But I thought meh, why not. I put in my name and then my SP’s name and I just put in a generic question of, what does our future hold.

The answer has literally broke me. The answer was essentially that, I’m chasing someone who has shown me time and time again that they won’t choose me, that I deserve a love where I’m chosen. It said that although he has feelings, he’s not in a place to express them, and that’s why he hasn’t reached out.

Now I know that this is inaccurate. I know there is no way that this can be true. But do I feel like maybe they’re right in that I’m chasing someone who isn’t choosing me? Yes a little bit.

So in my hurt, and kind of spite, I reached out to him, I guess to show the tarot reader wrong, that he does have feelings for me and that it’s all right.
Well.

The man I have been manifesting (and failing) ignored me. Two months of trying so hard to stay in the state, catching myself wavering, correcting myself etc. and he ignored me.

I have BPD, so I don’t always think rationally. I seen red, I sent him one of my standard goodbye messages, promised to never reach out again as he clearly doesn’t want me to, and I blocked him.

I say standard as this is what I do when I’m sad, I write paragraphs to people expressing my feelings and people get mad at me for it.

I cried for two hours.

Now I feel back to Square 1. Where do I go from here? How do I get back on track? I can’t unblock him because I told him I wouldn’t and that’s just embarrassing, but I also really want the version of him I knew to come back and he just isn’t budging at all.

Manifesting is so difficult when your brain actively overthinks every single matter. I miss him so much but I don’t know how to keep in a state of having, when he’s not here anymore. He used to be here all the time and now he’s not, now the house is cold and quiet and I’m sad. I don’t know how to manifest when I’m sad.

Rant over. Feel free to rage at me (kindly- a girl is sensitive right now)

This confuses me a little bit. So back story, I have every single person in my messages, social media, phone; muted. Every one of them. So when me and my SP were together, I had to manually check whatever messaging platform to see if they replied.

So when you’re manifesting someone, you’re not meant to check to see if they’ve replied - okay, fine. But I’m not checking to see if they’ve replied, I’m checking to see if someone else, my mum, my friends have replied 😂 I just so happen to see his name and see he hasn’t texted whilst I am checking to see if someone else has.

So how do I avoid checking the 3D but not ignore everyone else in my life 😅

Idk if this makes sense, we are going through a heatwave and my brain has just melted. There are no signs my brain cells are still there at this point

So, once a handmaid gets pregnant and gives birth, can the commander choose to keep that same handmaid or do they automatically get reassigned?

I just wondered as with Janine, it appeared more to be Naomi not liking her that got her moved rather than anything else. Would it be a case of this handmaid is “fruitful” (awful word idk), so you give her to another family so they can also have a child?

It’s not particularly relevant to the series, but some of the handmaids seem to have the same names for the entirety of the series but they maybe don’t get pregnant so they just keep trying?

..get out of this mindset I’m in? I messaged my SP 12 ish days ago, we had a small chat, then he ignored me. Every time I post on my stories, he watches it. I know the prick (excuse the language haha) misses me but why is he ignoring me?

I don’t know how to change the scenario. It’s hurting my heart and I’m just so bored I guess of the same old shit every day.

Long story short, I’ve manifested two people or tried to, idk the correct term.

Number one, I gave up on, because quite frankly I saw a new light and realised that he was not kind to me and I missed a version of him that existed for like a month then was horrible every other month. - please do not say “everyone is you pushed out” because this was not that.

Number two, is who I’m currently manifesting. He ran away from me because he felt I could do better and that he would just hurt me. He said some hurtful things like I was too much to handle but I know deep down it was him running due to his trauma.

Number one came back. Twice. In the time I’ve been focusing on number two, number one keeps coming back. He’s not better. He’s an awful version of himself who now day drinks and has no support system. Why? No idea. Karma? Maybe.

Why is it always the one you don’t want that comes back to you?

To watch again but it would be for the first time, what episode would it be?

As in, if your memory was wiped clean and you don’t know how the episode would end. I think mine would be Wilderness, the season 4 finale. That was wild.

Can someone please tell me if I’m wrong…

If I’m trying to manifest an ex back, and I use for example the 369 method. I’m writing 3 times, then 6, then 9 that my SP loves me, misses me, whatever. If I have to write it out, does that not mean I don’t believe I have it? If I’m having to write it to try and convince my subconscious I have it, does that not imply that my subconscious knows I don’t because I’m writing it repeatedly?

Have I just completely misunderstood the process

So when we get the first flashback of Janine, showing her “mouthing off” at Lydia, she seem quite confident. None of them are aware of how brutal Gilead is, and Janine is possibly the first example of what they’ll do to those who don’t obey.

Then she becomes quite childlike following this. Incidents like when she was about to be stoned, she says “don’t throw too hard”, or she giggles quite frequently; seems to find the positive in every situation. I just wondered whether Janine has always been quite childlike or if it was the trauma of them taking her eye that made her this way. It’s understandable if it’s the latter. There are more flashbacks later on in the series where she seems more adult, so I do think maybe it was the trauma.

It makes me feel unwell thinking of that time for Janine. Like was she awake when they did it? Was she put to sleep and woke up realising what they’d done? Absolutely horrific. She does seem to form a relationship later with Aunt Lydia, but I think that was more out of survival than because she genuinely liked her!

Me and SP haven’t been “normal” since end of last year. He started catching feelings for me, decided he wasn’t good enough and was scared of hurting me so ran away. Ever since I’ve occasionally reached out, we’ve met in person twice but nothing since February. Yesterday, I did reach out because someone I knew had asked about him - it gave me an in 😂 and he replied. Normally he ignores me. But he replied this time. Ironically it was the midst of me typing an angry message saying he was a piece of shit then I looked and immediately erased it…

Anyways, enough backstory. My manifestation plan at current is what he told me was true, he used to tell me how everyone in his life couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t “lock me down”, that I was perfect, had an amazing job, roof over my head, beautiful. I’m literally exactly what he wants in a woman and so every time I stumble, I think back to that moment.

Yesterday, we spoke and it was honestly very normal, like he replied so quickly. I finished it by saying I won’t take up any more of your time (like a dumbass), and he was like it’s fine. I went to sleep and had a dream he died, and my entire nervous system has been shot ever since. In the dream I kept trying to convince myself I could manifest him back to life but I kept seeing in memorial posters up everywhere I went reminding me I couldn’t. It was so traumatic.

What does it mean when you have bad dreams?
Before anyone says, I do know I’m wavering a lot by reaching out to him but it’s what we used to be like anyway so I’m phrasing it as my new normal.

Why did my brain traumatise me with such a horrible dream?

First thoughts: damn it’s bright.
It’s really bright.

I’m so used to Gilead being like dull, grey, dark, no lights on etc. I imagine it to be intentional - from June’s perspective of Gilead, it was awful and dark and grey. From Hannah’s it’s bright, she’s “privileged” in a sense - not a handmaid in other words.

I also kind of miss the familiarity of some of the characters of Handmaids Tale. I know that some died, but I almost wish they didnt so we could get cameos, i.e., Joseph, or Nick. Would’ve been fun to see them pop up! I know they can’t (they literally exploded) but I do miss their characters. Maybe Naomi? Do you think she’s still around?

Has any of the actors said whether or not their characters would return?

As the title says; is there ever a stage where if Serena had said okay this is awful, I’m sorry, her character could’ve been forgiven? It could’ve been written that she was brain washed into believing it was normal I suppose. Obviously it’s in line with the books but I just wondered if anyone thought she could’ve been redeemed.

Maybe up until the moment she asked Fred to do what he did to make June go into labour (I’m not sure if this can be said on Reddit so choosing my words carefully).

Was there a moment in the series where you realised she was just an awful person who couldn’t be redeemed, or did you think she was awful from the beginning and no amount of helping/apologies could fix it? Could you have been led to believe that she was brainwashed? I often think of Eleanor when I think of this, she seemed so kind but then she is also complicit as she knew what her husband was doing when helping create Gilead, even if she didn’t participate in the ceremony.

My own opinion is that she was apart of it, she started it, she was involved in it. She had moments of humanity, where she tried to get the Commanders to allow children to learn to read and write, or when she made Naomi let Janine visit Angela in hospital and got the specialist surgeon to review the case. But she was still complicit in making the rules in the first place. She still held June down, she stayed with Fred after her finger was cut off. She still tried to get Nichole back even though she knew the evils of Gilead for her own selfish means. She still treated people as though they were beneath her.

I’m not sure if I’m wording it right! Is there a point in the series where if Serena had stepped up, realised her wrongs, helped June, she could’ve been forgiven, or was it too late by the time the series started for her to ever get any type of redemption in your opinion as a viewer?