u/Master_Internal_1236

I'm gay (20), and I love my boyfriend (24). But since he cheated on me I feel troubled about him. I'm pretty drunk while I'm writing this, but I'm sincere. I see other men, and I find them really cute to so some stuff like being kind of just worrying about someone else well being, I feel jealous, I want to be the person they care about, I want to be cated about. I've heard "You choose the love you think you deserve". And I'm not really pretty, maybe I'm not worth of loving or maybe I'm not pretty enough to be loved. This has always been the issue, I wish to make that type of connection, but I love my boyfriend, he's the only one who has ever liked me truly before. I'm kinda petty, but I don't know what to do. Please anything that comes to you mind if you read this, I'm lost, and I'm feeling really lonely, and I have literally no one to talk about this, I'm alone at this. Help.

(This first really long paragraph its some context on our relationship, the problem feel free to skip it if you don't really want to read that much. Also, know English it's not my first language, there could be some grammar errors down below. Thanks)

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I'm 19M and my boyfriend 23M. Our relationship hasn't been on its highest point for a long time and it's because we can't fuck. When we started dating things went smoothly, we fucked everytime there was a chance, he was really sweet with me, I was really sweet to him. But when when had to spend time apart cause of summer vacations, he became insecure because he said I didn't desire him anymore because a didn't like sexting. I tried to argue that it's not anything like I don't want him, it's just that I don't feel comfortable doing that sort of stuff over texts or calls. Even so, I have it a try with him so I can make him feel better but it was really awkward, so he gave up the idea of us doing that. After summer endend, I thought our relationship was really going well besides some personal issues I had with my family that cost us to see each other less frequently, and stress from Uni stuff. Last year on October, he cheated on me with one of our common friends in our friend group who was also in a relationship with another friend of the friend group. The friend group fell apart, and I went to one really hard time in my life because leaving aside that I have some self esteem issues bacause of my appearance, how is it possible my current partner and my ex, had done the exact same thing to me, I rambled on my head about what was wrong with me, why I keep ok getting cheated when I finally think I found the one person I really want to stay with. My boyfriend asked me to not leave him, he said he knew he made a mistake but wanted to work things out, and in the lowest I had been in a while I accepted. I seemed "work things out" for him really meant "Let's just stay together and hope for the best", so while I hurted, started on therapy and try on get my shit together. Be just stood there, moved on from what he has done and just acted as if anything had happened.

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Then we got to now, from the las 3 months I haven't been able to have sex with him, its like my body doesn't want him anymore but I don't understand. I really love him, I really like kissing and other stuff with him. But sexually, I'm in a really complicated place. Everytime we try, I try to focus on him on how much I love him but I always get spaced out, I focus on stupid stuff like the movie that we have playing in the back, or the pattern of the ceiling. And I can't seem to get an erection while he fucks me because i literally feel how I'm not excited enough for my ass to open up and take him. But I can't tell him that it's like that because I don't want to hurt his feelings, but it really hurts at the start of having sex and is a incredible turn down from me, and when he notices I'm not enjoying it he stops to then ask me why don't I like him anymore, to ask me if he was right all along about I not desiring him. And everything revolving sex is making us fall apart.

​

I really love him, but I'm totally lost. What can I do to fix this? What should I do?

(This first really long paragraph its some context on our relationship, the problem feel free to skip it if you don't really want to read that much. Also, know English it's not my first language, there could be some grammar errors down below. Thanks)

​

I'm 19M and my boyfriend 23M. Our relationship hasn't been on its highest point for a long time and it's because we can't fuck. When we started dating things went smoothly, we fucked everytime there was a chance, he was really sweet with me, I was really sweet to him. But when when had to spend time apart cause of summer vacations, he became insecure because he said I didn't desire him anymore because a didn't like sexting. I tried to argue that it's not anything like I don't want him, it's just that I don't feel comfortable doing that sort of stuff over texts or calls. Even so, I have it a try with him so I can make him feel better but it was really awkward, so he gave up the idea of us doing that. After summer endend, I thought our relationship was really going well besides some personal issues I had with my family that cost us to see each other less frequently, and stress from Uni stuff. Last year on October, he cheated on me with one of our common friends in our friend group who was also in a relationship with another friend of the friend group. The friend group fell apart, and I went to one really hard time in my life because leaving aside that I have some self esteem issues bacause of my appearance, how is it possible my current partner and my ex, had done the exact same thing to me, I rambled on my head about what was wrong with me, why I keep ok getting cheated when I finally think I found the one person I really want to stay with. My boyfriend asked me to not leave him, he said he knew he made a mistake but wanted to work things out, and in the lowest I had been in a while I accepted. I seemed "work things out" for him really meant "Let's just stay together and hope for the best", so while I hurted, started on therapy and try on get my shit together. Be just stood there, moved on from what he has done and just acted as if anything had happened.

​

Then we got to now, from the las 3 months I haven't been able to have sex with him, its like my body doesn't want him anymore but I don't understand. I really love him, I really like kissing and other stuff with him. But sexually, I'm in a really complicated place. Everytime we try, I try to focus on him on how much I love him but I always get spaced out, I focus on stupid stuff like the movie that we have playing in the back, or the pattern of the ceiling. And I can't seem to get an erection while he fucks me because i literally feel how I'm not excited enough for my ass to open up and take him. But I can't tell him that it's like that because I don't want to hurt his feelings, but it really hurts at the start of having sex and is a incredible turn down from me, and when he notices I'm not enjoying it he stops to then ask me why don't I like him anymore, to ask me if he was right all along about I not desiring him. And everything revolving sex is making us fall apart.

​

I really love him, but I'm totally lost. What can I do to fix this? What should I do?