u/MealForward7055

I was supposed to write an essay on my strengths and weaknesses. I came up with over 8 weaknesses and two strengths. It made me realize just how below average i am. Im not the prettiest sibling, im dumb and gumsung(doesnt help hat i fuck up everything i touc h and am cinstantly reminded of it), im lazy, i procrastinate a ton, im not book smart or street smart, im inconsistent, i d ont have any particular talent, i dont have any personality and im just so unenergetic. Idk why people love me, i have nothing to love about. Im not funny or anything. Genuinely what value am i adding to people's lives. They could easily replace me. Im like a burden. I do think im pretty but at the same time ik im not like pretty pretty. Idk i just feel.tired and empty.

Dont mind the awful spellings, this keyboard is terrible.

I am a teenager. I have school and the next four years of school are what will decide my success in career. After COVID ended, I was left with an insanely messed up routine. I slept at 7 am and woke up at 5 pm. So when school started I found myself extremely tired. I usually slept around 3-4 hours in fifth grade before school, and then 3 hours after school. Obviously I was extremely groggy and made up for this sleep deprivation over the weekends. I was told that once I start going to school my sleep schedule will fix itself. Biggest lie I was ever told. My sleep schedule got worse and worse over the years. By sixth grade, I stopped napping in the afternoon so that I could sleep early, which never happened. Mostly because of lack of will power and desire to sleep when everyone was awake and together(father comes home from work at 8). I wanted to sleep at 10 pm. Things stayed like this until seventh grade. I started those afternoon naps again because I knew "sleeping early" was not gonna happen. I had a six month gap before eighth grade started because of school change and stuff. My routine was awful. I realised that things can't go on like this if I want to score in ninth and tenth grade. This routine left me so tired and exhausted that I couldn't understand a thing during school and was constantly, CONSTANTLY fidgeting(usually shaking my leg to the point where itd hurt). My eighth grade finals are in may. I did at one point of this school year sleep at 10 pm but that lasted one night. Family gathering happened(god knows why these start at 10pm) and I found myself awake at 3 am, greeting the last guests goodbye. I kinda gave up for a long time after that. Now finals are near and I had to do something. So I stayed up all night, in hopes to sleep and stay asleep the next day. I slept at 7:30 pm the next day, barely fighting sleep. Of course I wake up at 2 FUCKING AM. Now I can't sleep. This is day four of trying this method. It's 4:16 am. I have to get up for school at 6:15 am. I am fucking tired. Legit had a mental breakdown yesterday out of frustration. I have tried everything. trying to slowly shift my sleep, counting numbers backwards. counting sheep. staring into the abyss. focusing on the sound of the fan. meditating. tensing then releasing my muscles. praying. pulling all nighters. I can't take sleeping pills cuz I'm too young. can't wait to grow up and be able to take em. my mother says I have a monkey mind that's constantly working multiple jobs at a time. like rn as I'm writing this a song is running in the back of my head( and the winnerrrrr, takes it allllll🎶, very fitting song for this situation). I envy people who can sleep in seconds wherever they want. also once I do sleep at the time my body wants to (4-6am) I sleep pretty good. deep sleep. just not at the right time. no matter when I sleep I wake up at 2 am these days. Apparently I've been nocturnal ever since I was born, my mother suffered and now I myself am suffering. What do I do. (Also probably have an eating disorder cuz I hate the thought of eating food even though I'm not insecure. I don't really eat or like to eat, only eating to not be in pain of starvation.)

I wanna normalise periods in my home. My mother is very progressive but not so encouraging because "bare dantenge". I've been trying to open more about periods to my father but it's just so uncomfortable. I have a brother who is three years younger than me who I believe does know about them but we've never talked about it. This societal taboo makes it very uncomfortable for me and I have to lie why I'm curled up like a shrimp from time to time. How do I open up about this topic? And what logic do I give to the aunties who say "haya qaim rakho, mardon ko nhi batao" also what do I say to my mother, I'm not sure how she'd react to me telling my brother. Wanna normalise to my father too, who doesn't really seem like he cares much about the taboo.

What can I do online? Something that I can juggle with school. Im willing to give 2-3 hours a day, maybe even more, depends. Could use the money. I know how to do basic editing and know my way around canva.

I like arcane and demon slayer. Suggest something available on Netflix. Movie ya show.

gng does anyone know where i can order some pintersty clothes? I am in a search for floral frocks or tops