u/Meatwelder

▲ 2.6k r/tifu

TIFU by responding to my girlfriend's sexy photos with a meme

My girlfriend and I have the exact same kind of "shitpost" sense of humor. We are constantly sending each other dumb memes over text, quoting them in real life and replying to even mundane messages with them. From the outside it definitely is cringy and it probably doesn't sound like we take the relationship seriously but we've been doing great for four years now, living together for one and I'm planning to propose to her on our fifth anniversary.

But fast forward to last evening and I think acting like normal may have seriously offended her. I've been out of town for almost a week helping my brother move across the country and also celebrating our parents anniversary in his new city while we're at it. GF and I have obviously been texting back and forth when I have time and the conversations are as casual as they always are.

The conversation even got a little bit spicy as we've been apart for a week and we're getting a little lonely, needless to say I'm excited to eventually get back home. Even more so when she surprised me late in the evening with about a dozen images of a "gift" she got for me, a very nice set of lingerie. It wasn't a quick mirror selfie either she had full makeup on, her hair done up and even mood appropriate lighting. I was hella excited but out of habit I grabbed a GIF from my reaction folder and sent it without thinking.

Few minutes later and she replies with: "Can you take something fucking seriously for once?"

24 hours later and she won't respond to my attempts at apology and even ignored two calls.

I feel like an asshole and I'm worried I damaged our relationship or made her feel like I'm not seriously invested in us. I want to do something really romantic for her when I get back but I'm scared that it's already too late.

TLDR: My girlfriend and I joke constantly so I responded to her high effort sexy photos with a meme GIF and now she's completely ignoring me and I'm scared that I damaged our relationship.

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u/Meatwelder — 2 days ago
▲ 282 r/OguriCapu

Found a Cinderella Gray gashapon machine out in the wild and I won Oguri!

u/Meatwelder — 2 days ago

I would risk Journey's wrath to be in that situation. Just imagine the sensation of Orfe crushing you under foot.

https://x.com/Reinren\_sa/status/2054984898956648472?s=20

Imagine the insane pressure she could step on you with. And with Orfevre's attention to hygiene her feet would be absolutely perfect. The soles would be smooth and soft as silk, the heel would be slightly firm but with no dry cracked skin giving you a perfect edge to follow with your tongue. And the toes....they would be perfectly pedicured with just a bit of nail overhanging the toe absolutely perfect for sucking. Just picture yourself as her trainer, after the winning live she takes you backstage and leashes you forcing you to worship the feet that just made you a Triple Crown Trainer.

u/Meatwelder — 3 days ago

I dream about being abused by Narita Taishin almost every night

Source for the art:https://x.com/Weed077BA/status/2002370664536445292

I drag my feet to the door almost unable to walk, th exhaustion is unbearable. All three of my trainees had races today and they all finished in the top three. I was absolutely elated but three winning concerts in a row was too many. My throat hurts, my feet hurt and I'm barely able to stand but the most difficult part of the day is still ahead of me.

I enter the apartment and silently put my things away, I can see lights down the hallway and can hear voices. "Alright dps slowly! Watch the fucking tail!" I forgot it was raid night. The realization sinks in. I've been gone since five in the morning, there were no leftovers and not even a single pack of instant ramen noodles. My phone ran out of power four hours ago and I likely missed a bunch of texts...

I approach the door to our bedroom. I'm strong. I've let her down before. I can do this. I work hard to provide surely she can understand. "H-hi Taishin I'm home. How's my precious gamer?". I'm greeted with a look that bores into my soul and calls back primeval memories of my ancestors coming face to face with the predators of the ice ages. "It's almost midnight. I'm starving. Did you at lesat bring back the chicken nuggets?".

"Taishin I'm sorry my phone ran out of power a long time ago....I had three concerts to attend plus interviews I-i didn't even see the text..."

"Are you kidding me!?!? I asked you for one thing you idiot! You'll spend all day at the racetrack with your trainees but you won't even stop by McDonald's for me?"

"Babe I would do anything for you, I promise it was an honest mistake"

And then it happens. As Taishin is facing away from the screen she absent mindedly paths in the wrong direction. Right into the eggs at the edge of Onyxia's Lair.

"WHELPS LEFT SIDE! EVEN SIDE! MANY WHELPS NOW HANDLE IT!"

She whips around to her screen but its too late. The raid is overwhelmed. Warriors and wizards fall to the swarms of dragon whelps as the tanks and healers struggle to keep up. Taishin's mage drops dead on the ground. "Look what you made me do!"

The first kick knocks me to the ground and takes all the wind out of my lungs. Dazed I desperately struggle back up. The second kick sends me back out the door and across the hall. I hit the wall hard and feel the drywall cave in. The third kick is the worst. I think it dislocates one of my ribs. Then Taishin's bare foot is pressing down on my chest, pushing me into the carpet.

"Asshole! Idiot! Jerk! You go out and spend all day with pretty young girls then ignore my texts and claim your phone is dead. And you can't even be bothered to bring your fiancee dinner when there's nothing to eat in the house? When's the last time you even got groceries? How am I supposed to live like this?"

She stomps on my chest and I swear I hear something crack.

"You think I like this? Do you think I want kick you constantly? Why do you make me do this???"

I struggle for a while, it takes me a few minutes to regain my breath and form a coherent thought. Fortunately I've done this many times before.

"Taishin...baby I'm so sorry. I let myself get too caught up in my work and lost track of what really matters...you. My trainees are nothing compared to you...I...I just got some distracted today. Please let me up and I'll go get you something."

As I struggle to get up under the crushing weight of her beautiful petite legs my phone slides out of my pocket. It hits the floor screen up and displays the large red empty battery symbol. Taishin's face softens at this and she takes her leg off my chest.

She sighs

"I guess you weren't lying about that at least. Just make sure this doesn't happen again."

Then she grabs my shirt collar and pulls me close. Our lips touch and it's pure ecstasy. Her passion burns as bright as her anger. As her tongue meets mine all the pain drains out of my body and I'm reminded why I stay.

She pulls back bringing a thin strand of saliva with her.

"I love you, you know. You just frustrate me sometimes. Good thing you're cute"

"Thanks babe, I'll go get you some nuggets"

"With plum sauce"

"With plum sauce"

Taishin heads back to our room and the voiced start up again. I force myself up and to the front door. I'll have to explain my bruises to Tazuna again on Monday. She's starting to question how I keep falling down the stairs. And I'll have to see the school nurse about this rib. But right now I have more important things to do. This isn't the life I imagined I would have when I proposed to Taishin after her graduation. But it's my life. And I wouldn't trade it for anything.

u/Meatwelder — 3 days ago
▲ 516 r/UmaMusume

I forgot that Helios' slang is even more unhinged in the anime

I'm pretty up to date on slang thanks to my nephews but nobody I've talked to has any idea what Beckenbesides means. Wonder if they just made it up.

u/Meatwelder — 9 days ago

People are sleeping on El Condor Pasa I swear

She's sweet and spicy she has amazing proportions (89/58/86) and not to mention she's a wrestler so she knows tons of crazy holds and positions. Being an Umamusume she undoubtedly has the strength to handle you with no difficulty at all and could hold you off the ground for hours for extreme umapyoi. Not to mention the delicious Mexican cuisine she's going to feed you to recharge your strength before she drains you again. Just the thought of being pinned down by a sweaty El is enough to make me beet red.

https://x.com/goruzaerumk2/status/1563451785423233031

u/Meatwelder — 9 days ago

Which dorm room smells the best and which the worst? I say Jordan's smells the best but I just fucking love huffing nail polish remover.

u/Meatwelder — 13 days ago
▲ 3.0k r/UmaMusume

Machitan sweetie...covering your face doesn't do much when you put your iconic hat back on afterwords...

My god is season 2 cute.

u/Meatwelder — 13 days ago
▲ 214 r/UmaMusume

Apologies if this is off topic but I was very curious to see if there's much overlap between anime horse fans and real horse enjoyers. I took riding lessons throughout my childhood and I trail ride with family pretty often during the warmer months. My job has me on the road a lot so I don't own any but would love to when I eventually settle down.

My sister works as an equine veterinarian and just this week did emergency surgery on a foal who was attacked by a pack of coyotes. She's safe and recovering well with her mom in a rescue now and I'll share a photo below.

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u/Meatwelder — 17 days ago