u/Mediocre_Theory9109

I’m having a baby girl this winter, both me and my fiance are in love with the name Daisy. It was my great great grandmother’s name and I just find it so cute and classic but unique. Like it’s recognizable as a name and not totally out there and wild but she probably won’t be 1 of many daisies in her class/school. We already have a toddler son whose name is Malcolm or “Mac” so my only reservation is that Daisy is much shorter and for some reason that bugs me a bit. They will both have hyphenated middle names made up of family names- think “old man name- old man name” for my son and “old lady name - old lady name” for my daughter. Our last name is similar to Stevens (it’s not that, but it’s a man’s name with an S at the end, so you get the vibe)

Do we like Daisy? Am I being delusional about it being such a perfect name because of the connection to a relative I admire?

Does Daisy and Mac work? Is it weird that his name has a much longer “proper name”?? I feel like Daisy is perfect but I want to be sure!

This general situation happens like a few times a month but a specifically annoying one happened today and I need to know if I’m doing something wrong here.

Context: My son (2yo) is a tall kid, like 98th percentile in height and about the height of a small kindergartener. I’m short at 5’3, his dad is about average height at 6ft, kiddo is on track to be about 6’3 (you are vaguely half your height at 2). (I promise heights are important here)

Today’s interaction is similar to interactions we face w specifically dads who are on the shorter side with kiddos older than mine and much smaller than mine. Usually the dads are a decade older than me as well. This happens at least once a month.

My son was playing on the playground on his way to one of the slides when a man about 2x my age but about an inch shorter than me ( WHICH IS FINE!!) came up with his son. His son ran up towards a large ladder to get to the highest part of the play structure and dad immediately told him “oh no no, why don’t you use the stairs, this is for big kids” and kiddo goes to use the stairs at this point my son who’s about an inch taller than kiddo gets to the bottom of the slide and runs over and climbs up the same ladder.

The dad gasps “oh! Oh my gosh! Is that safe?” I assured him my son uses that ladder all the time and he’s totally fine.

Convo ensues “how old is he?”
“two! How old is your boy?”
“4…he will be 5 in August”
“oh that’s awesome! Kindy in September!!”
“He’s…a big kid”
“haha yup! Buying him pants is impossible!”
“Yea he’s definitely a big guy…are you sure he can go on that slide though? Isn’t he a bit young?”
“Yup! He does it all the time!”

He then proceeds to stop his son from doing several other age appropriate things on the play structure (big slides, tall climbing things, basically anything but the stairs and small slides). This whole time he is making progressively more judgy comments about my son doing things he won’t let his kid do (mind you his son does not care one bit about what my kid is doing, he’s just happy to be playing)

Eventually he goes “OH MY GOD! You’re just going to let him get hurt??!?!?? I would NEVER let my kid do that!!!” at that point I internally kind of snapped.

I looked at him and just said “I do not know what you’re so insecure about but my son is absolutely fine, worst case Ontario if he does misstep and fall he can use that experience to learn how to not fall next time. I’d rather him be confident in himself and encourage him to move and explore than shut him down. Please stop making comments about my child’s capabilities because you refuse to let your kid have the same” and then I just turned my back to him.

AITAH? Was I mean? I legit don’t know how to deal w these situations, it’s ALWAYS a dad. Moms and most dads either say nothing or are complimentary, but this specific demographic does this a lot and idk how I’m supposed to navigate the situation.

Not looking for judgement, obviously this is a complicated situation. I know it’s kind of niche and might reflect poorly on me but I’m hoping someone has experience with a similar situation and can offer some advice. This will be long.

TLDR: I’m on OW due to some complicated issues with my ex/childs father. We are slowly but surely working on hopefully fixing our relationship. After a lapse in judgement and relaxation of my boundaries I ended up getting pregnant again with his/our second child. We are NOT together and won’t be together until he proves he has worked on his issues enough to earn his place in my life and ours kids life full time. How to I talk to my worker about this? Will I get in trouble? (Skip context for actual question)

Context: My ex/childs father and I broke up when my now toddler was very young. The break up was complicated and I won’t get into the whole nitty gritty but it was basically due to mental health issues/unresolved trauma on his end that was negatively impacting me severely and that I wanted to protect our child from. Once we were able to talk it out we made an informal child support agreement, and also agreed that I’d continue to be the primary parent while he worked on himself and that he would be welcome to visit w our child whenever he wanted as long as remained safe and healthy enough for me to feel comfortable with it. We hope to be able to be together again one day as we do still love eachother greatly and both very much love our toddler and hope to be a family unit again one day. We aren’t seeing other people but we are NOT together, we do not live together, and aside from our child/pets/shared debts from when we were together we do not share finances- we’re basically on a several year long break while he works on himself separately from me and our kid, not together and living apart with the end goal of hopefully getting back together one day. Due to the circumstances of our relationship ending I ended up on OW, until we get back together or I figure out another way to bring in income. (again, won’t get into the whole nitty gritty- but I am eligible, and I am 100% open and honest with my amazing worker, she doesn’t expect me to even look for a job until my kid is in school/my ex and I get back together and I am no longer eligible).

Actual question/issue:

while my Ex and I are NOT together by any means and he isn’t living with us he is still regularly around and very involved with our kid and doing the work to show us that he is trying to do better and be better. With that being said he was visiting in early April and ended up staying late as he’d spent the day doing holiday activities with me and our kid, he asked to stay the night as it had been a long day and was late. One thing led to another and I ended up getting a positive pregnancy test a few weeks later after missing my period. Obviously this is not ideal as we are NOT getting back together until I am 100% certain he has fixed his issues and they won’t be a problem for me or my child (children?) but I do plan to keep this second baby and am nearly 11 weeks along.

I’m not sure how to talk to my worker about this. She is wonderful and has been incredibly understanding and open to working with me through this kind of unusual situation I’m in BUT I don’t want to make myself look dishonest or dumb or idk- I just don’t want to look like I am with him because I’m not, but also I know how it could look. I have been 100% honest with her about our situation and kept her in the loop as things have progressed/when he’s taken steps back and I’ve had to set strong boundaries again. The other kind of addition of stressful circumstances to this situation is my ex/childs father has agreed to pay more child support now that I’m pregnant so that my first child and I can move into a larger apartment in the same complex. I’d be transferring our pre existing lease, which has his name on it, to the different larger unit and the land lord says they want him to sign it as he is the one who actually makes money (even when I was working/when we were together he made about 2x my retail wages) they know he won’t be living there but said that to be able to transfer the lease instead of totally signing a new one (which means I’d have to come up with 1st and last, re apply and probably not be approved on just my OW income ect). Obviously this doesn’t look great either. All to say, I know how this might look with no context on paper BUT my worker is really wonderful and understanding about the situation, I just don’t want to break that trust and make her feel like I’ve wasted her kindness and accommodation if she for some reason see this as me having lied. She knows that my Ex regularly visits and has occasionally stayed the night- she knows our ideal end goal is getting back together, but obviously getting pregnant by him again and him agreeing to sign a lease/pay more child support before the second child is born to get me and our kids into a larger unit looks kinda fishy.

I guess at this point I’m just ranting/work vomiting because I’m stressed. But if you are a worker or someone who’s been in this situation I’d love to hear some advice on how to talk to my worker about this. Obviously I can’t just not tell her, and I don’t want to hide anything from her cause I’ve been open and honest thus far and she’s never made things harder for me due to my situation being unusual.

Thanks in advance for any help/support/anecdotal advice anyone can offer!

Toxoplasmosis? How to safely handle my cats litter when pregnant + thoughts on risk from my cats specifically.

Hey vets!

\*TLDR: 8 weeks pregnant w my 2nd child. Fiancé is wonderful and dealing w the cat little for me BUT I hate the way he does it and he’s not able to do it as many times a day as I like it to be done. Details on my cats at the very end of post. How can I safely minimize risk and scoop my kitties pee/poop? What frequency is doable/safe? What risk do my cats specifically seem to have that they will carry toxoplasmosis\*

I am 8 weeks pregnant with my second baby! We have 2 cats and a big goofy dog! My 1st baby is almost 2 and when I was pregnant with him my fiancé handled the litter. As soon as we found out about baby #2 fiancé of course took over the litter again no questions asked…the only issues are 1. He works very very long hours so he can only do it 1x a day in the later evenings 2. I HATE the way he does it. He doesn’t do it wrong or ineffectively but he just doesn’t do it the way \*I\* prefer it do be done and I feel like it’s kind of unreasonable to critique the way he’s doing it since he’s doing it just fine and is so helpful and wonderful in every other way. (I prefer to scoop it 2x a day minimum, which he can’t do, and I like to scoop all the waste out + remove 1-2 scoops of litter at the end of the day and add fresh stuff. He also just makes such a mess and takes forever to get through doing it cause he’s a baby about pee/poop)

With that being said- is there a way I can safely scoop my cats litter 1-2 times a day?

Even if it’s better I don’t do it twice I could atleast do it during the day and have fiancé do it at night. We completely dump the boxe/clean out/ dry them and refill them w 100% fresh litter bi weekly- if it’s better I don’t do that it’s fine for fiancé to do that as well. I’d just really like to at least scoop it mid day at minimum cause at this point seeing the clumps in there by noon is driving me NUTS.

Some info on my cats I think might be relevant:

•2 DSH shorthair cats
• 1 male 1 female not biologically related.
• both cats spayed/neutered
•4 years old (boy will be 4 next month, girl is 4)
•both have been exclusively indoor cats since we got them at 2/3 months and i believe they were inside at their previous homes as well.
•female cat is leash trained and goes outside in the yard occasionally. She outgrew her harness when I was pregnant w my 1st and we hadn’t gotten around to getting her a new one so she hasn’t been outside in over 2 years.
• both cats and dog UTD on shots and vet exams
• we’re living in suburban Ontario Canada
•both cats lived with my older cat for 3/4 years of their life. He passed away last May at 18. He was an outdoor cat for 9 years of his life but he was brought inside and was an exclusively indoor cat since 2015 (so approx 10 years indoors before he had any contact w my younger cats)
• my two cats I believe may have had 1 or both parents who were outdoor cats (they were foster fails, they both came from people who surrendered them as results of to “accidental” breeding)
• both cats have regular contact with my dog, and about 3 months before we got the 2 cats my older cat had limited interactions with a few other indoor cats who’s history and med care I am not clear on but don’t feel great about.
• cats and dog regularly drink from each other’s water dishes and steal each other’s food.
• both cats are happy and healthy (but male did have a lot of med issues in his 1st year)

My fiancé has a strained relationship with his parents (his mom, but consequently this causes it to be hard to see his dad) but he mentioned to me the other day when talking about smells that bring back a memory- how much it would mean to him if he could find this scent again cause even finding things that smell “kind of” like it make him feel close to his dad. I’m hoping some of the fragrance experts and enthusiast of Reddit can help me give him the best Father’s Day gift next month!

Relevant context:

- We live in Canada, semi rural southern Ontario. He thinks his mom probably got it for his dad at shoppers drug mart, or possibly Walmart.
- We are 24 and he said his dad wore it for a long time, maybe not his whole life but definitely couple years at least before we started dating in 2018. Meaning it could have been in production from anytime between 2002-2018/current
-it was in a slender rectangle bottle that was clear (slender as in profile but a wide rectangle. If the label was the “front” it would be abt 3.5 inches on the front and maybe 1inch on the side)
-the bottle was clear but the actual liquid inside was purple or a blue toned purple/a blurple so
To speak but translucent. I feel like it was a darker shade of purple/blurple
-it smelled very much like a “classic old man scent” to me atleast lol. Definitely heavy on musk notes, maybe also vanilla/tobacco. I was a very warm scent if that makes sense- like musk with undertones of warm dad or grandpa smells.
- it MAY have had a black cap. And the writing on it/label was fairly minimal
-I’m not sure if it was a cologne or other type of scent but it came in a glass bottle and would have likely been in the >60-80$ CAD range due to their financial circumstances. It may have been more expensive though as his mom only let him and his brothers wear ONE spray she did on them on special occasions so they didn’t “waste all of dads nice cologne” this also could have been because it was very very strong.

If anyone has any idea what the fragrance could be or any leads on something semi similar I’d appreciate it more than I can explain. My fiancé misses his dad a lot and if I could find this for him it would mean so much to him! Thank you in advance!