u/MelodicGarbageBin

Okay so I'm so frustrated. Some people might remember me from some months ago about talking about heavy struggles and suspecting ADHD. I got my autism diagnosis a few years ago and filled two questionnaires about ADHD. I didn't really get points, because I have a lot of trouble understanding questions (what they mean, how those things should show up in my life, I forgot everything about my life when asked, etc). So they didn't evaluate ADHD.

Well it later became obvious that just autism doesn't exactly match with my struggles. I forgot the whole thing. Then I was in therapy and so on and switched therapists at one point. I got a new one, a good one who challenged me and mentioned she suspects heavily that I have ADHD. We together fought that I got a second opinion. They made DIVA for me in like 3 different appointments with my partner and family member. I got almost full bingo from adulthood and a few points from childhood. (The first time a few years ago was done only between me and a psychologist and I think it was just one hour and it was over?).

Well now I saw an occupational therapist and I told her how this new interviewer didn't even write all the examples and also rubbered off some which she already wrote. I also told about my creative and no boundaries family where everyone has ADHD/autism/both traits. Well, she said the classic I've been told: "Autistic people also can have ADHD-traits and problems with sharing focus on multiple things". I told her that yeah but I do everything at once and multitask... I also told her I'm on my phone a lot, because it's just easy to scroll (also mentioned I don't use TikTok and fast paced apps). And it feels like she puts the blame that "you have a fast and creative and spontaneous mind".

Like. What is the point of the whole ADHD diagnosis if everything is "just autism with some extra spices :)". I know how only autistic people act and I'm not like them! Okay yes I can't say every autistic person is the same but still.

I said that I can't keep routines, how I have 3 calendars, my phone and link folder has thousands of links and photos, I have 20 different notes on my phone and also across my table. I hate when people tell me what to do. I can't organize tasks. I lose time for nowhere. I don't apply to school courses by myself (my counselor does it for me). I'm late from everywhere. My ability to start anything is 0. I can't manage to do anything, even if I like those things. But well, it's just autism I guess.... And a phone addiction!! I literally said there's nothing addictive in my phone, I just can't handle the task of putting it away and doing something else. If it's not a phone, it's a computer or talking about my useless grap to my family nonstop or laying on the bed.

At this point I don't even care what the heck is my problem, or I do, but the bigger problem for me here is, that I feel like nobody takes this seriously and really just put me through neuropsychiatric testing because I have very large gaps in my basic functioning and maybe something like learning disabilities? Like, can you just test me and after that say what it is? I think I just came across the wrong way the whole time, explaining myself badly.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Do I just need to accept that I don't have ADHD and it's just autism?

Tl;dr; Got autism diagnosis a few years ago, they noticed ADHD traits but didn't test them. Now my therapist suspects ADHD and I'm trying to get a 2nd opinion, but got told it's just autism with some ADHD traits and doctors ask stuff like "why do you think you have ADHD, you have been tested already?" and "you can have ADHD traits without meeting the criteria" and "whether it's ADHD or not, we just put you to rehabilitation". I'm constantly on the edge if they test or not test and professionals don't do their job right (rubbering my answers, not writing all, not giving me appointments, not meeting me in the half, not explaining what is expected of me, questioning me, writing to my papers that I insist of having ADHD, not contacting me therapist at all, and so on). Ok this isn't tldr anymore.

Hello! This is my first time here.

I have now read a bit more about autistic experiences, because my partner keeps saying that it affects me more than I even realize. They are probably right. Over the years it has become super hard to get a grasp of my struggles. I have failed ADHD questionnaire before, because I couldn't understand any of the questions in real life and in my life. So I got almost 0 points, but now that my therapist strongly suspects I have it and I'm fighting to get 2nd opinion, it's extremely hard. I got almost full points in adulthood but not in childhood. The person who tested me, didn't wrote everything and took off something they already wrote. I made a complaint but I haven't heard back. I'm waiting to get more testing, but nobody gives me appointments or keeps me track on anything, even though they should and I have asked for that.

I'm very down for this all. I feel like the whole world have turned against me. I have tried to apply for aids, but everything comes back as "you're able to work", etc. My daily life is mostly waking up, eating, being on phone, going to sleep. I can't do anything, my ability to start anything is basically 0. And with all these appointments and stuff, I don't know what is expected of me. I feel like nobody takes me seriously. I explain myself wrong and nobody else don't really have in depth understanding of my situation. I have told to professionals that I don't understand questions and they have wrote to my papers that I have problems understanding. I'm hyperverbal but at the same time I think I come across wrong. I look very able, intelligent, etc.

I'm very bad person to my partner and family too. I always talk about my own problems or interests, I can't get myself to be interested in others even when I try or know it's polite. I'm 24/7 afraid of all kind of things, my mind is always racing. I can't "just live and enjoy". My family says I just need to find my own thing so then I'm able to work and enjoy life and everything will roll out automatically. But I don't think so. I've been also constantly stressed for almost all my life, but past 6 months have been extremely hard due to all this fighting for my rights and filing complaints to who knows where. I don't have energy, I don't get excited, I don't even recognize I'm stressed (well I never do, nothing hints me about it except sometimes I might realize if I want to lash out for stuff like dropping something on the floor). So I speak very badly to my partner and want to make problems out of nowhere. We have had communication problems before too, because I feel like they are talking over me and thinking they know better than me. I'm person who don't accept anyone's opinion over my feelings and life unless I ask for it. I might have PDA? My partner says they want my best and they know they very often come across the wrong way and have tried to fix it. But I can't help the feeling that they just want to control me and suffocate me and act good. Even though 95% of the time they treat me with respect, it helps a lot and is almost like my caretaker. I have trust issues to people. I only fully trust my family, nobody else in my whole life. I know I'm acting like an asshole towards my partner and they would be better off without me (well now I'm talking over them), but I have hurt them so many times and they just keep forgiving. I know this is not right and I hurt people, but I feel like I don't even care about that? Maybe I don't understand it, because usually I understand the other person actually is hurt when I see them cry or something. We talked with my partner that I need to take more responsibility, but I just forgot it too and act on my impulses. I feel like I'm also near burnout or already in one for more than a year.

This is a lot of rambling, but I thought I would ask here. I don't even know anymore if I feel bad about acting like this. Or bad that I don't feel bad. I don't recognize any other emotion than anxiety and fear. Does anyone experience the same? I don't know what I'm even expecting, but if anyone has some supportive words or relates to this or have gone through very hard times, feel free to tell. I'm currently not available to have contact with my therapist and I don't get my own professional in the other place either, because every time I call there, they say they don't have any information about my appointments or situation.

Hello, I'm new here. I just want to vent and also get some supportive words or advice which you guys see fit for this situation.

So trying to keep this very short but probably fail. My partner and I are relatively young, we both live with our parents atm because we can't afford living alone.

A lot has happened, but basically I have felt that she doesn't fully support/understand me, she ignores a lot of messages which have been about mine or my partner's mental health (there was a point it was needed to discuss). Every time I visit there, she doesn't make any effort to get to know me (to be fair, me neither, because I have always felt somewhat unsafe around her, like I can't fully be myself, but I can't explain why). I also never received "thank you" from her or the other parent, even though I have cared a lot for the kids, sometimes it feels like more than her, at least in an emotionally supportive way.

She often treats the family badly and basically shit hit the fan at the point where I started to talk to my partner's underaged siblings that like "you know you don't have to be responsible for this and that, and you know you can always talk to me and that's not ok for parents to do". Stuff like that, because I feel like they don't even understand things in their home are not normal and fine. So she saw those messages and said to my partner's sibling that they can't talk to me anymore about what's going on in their home. I talked with one of the siblings also and they were just defending their parents. I feel like this situation also did a lot of damage to my relationship with my partner's siblings, because now I need to fake (can't take care or open their eyes). And I don't like to be around people who are also faking (can't talk to me openly anymore) and who I can't trust (showing my messages, defending abusive behavior). I know it's not their fault as teenagers but I just feel unnatural around them now and feel like even their presence makes damage to my wellbeing, even though it might be just that I take my anger of their mom on them, which isn't ok.

After that, my partner finally addressed their home issues at home and more shit hit the fan. She started to talk shit about my partner and I, very rude stuff and also mocked our disabilities and how I have turned my partner against their family. My partner is in an awful spot, they can't talk anymore openly, because they most likely will be sent to the street and they don't have anyone who could help. I can't take them to live with me and my family either and we're not at that point anyway in our relationship to live together.

So after that I sent a short and informative message to her, thanking her for a constructive feedback about me behind my back (sarcasm). I also said that I'm not coming to visit them anymore. She read that immediately but didn't respond. My partner said how she then said I'm childish because of not visiting them anymore and basically hate talked me for few days and after that she was again complaining in a more positive manner how they would like me to come over. A few days after that I blocked her because I knew it's best for my wellbeing to not hear whatever she would say, if she would. Damage is done already, I'm not looking that shit anymore.

Some time goes by and I note that she most likely has blocked me back (I can't see her profile pic anymore but others can). I feel that she's acting very immature because in my opinion, she doesn't have any reason to block me, just her ego which can't handle any criticism because everything is other people's fault and how much she has done for the family and manipulative stuff like that. Now she tries to do better at home but I'm very suspicious and cynical, I feel like it's just an act to make things more normal for a while so everyone forgets what happened. Also I noted that she had blocked? me in a very interesting timing, when my partner was away from home for a few days. I might be crazy but I feel like she probably talked more shit about me/us in that time, it doesn't feel like a coincidence.

And what is awful is that she succeeded even for a little moment to manipulate my partner to think it's not that bad what happens there, even though I think my partner might have C-PTSD. And now my partner is even saying that I'm now avoiding their mom, even though I made it clear it's a healthy boundary. I don't need to see a person who doesn't show any respect for me, if it's not absolutely mandatory. But luckily my partner is more on my side, but mostly their own. They understand my hate for her and were even happy that I talked to them honestly about my feelings. I just don't know, this shit is stressing me and I have problems keeping my boundaries in real life, so if I need to face her, I would probably cry or run away from their home with bare feet (yes I have problems with emotional management and impulse control).