u/Middle-Structure6384

My n-mom has shown total lack of interest in my 28 years of life. She has no other living family other than her boyfriend who is 18 years younger than her (they bought a home together….).

She calls me once a week out of boredom and I usually don’t care to pick up. When I do, the calls are SO awkward. She completely lacks conversational skills.

In the last year, I graduated from a top 5 school in the US with a super competitive degree, started an exciting job, traveled to 15+ countries, and so many exciting things have happened in my life and the lives of my close friends ( I’ve known most for a decade and she has never met them because she declines every invitation). I am going on a cool trip on Friday and she has not asked a single question when I said "we are leaving for vacation on friday". She doesn't even know where we are going or for how long!

She has not asked about a single item above. She calls and complains about her boyfriend who is almost half her age, her job, her neighbors, her boyfriend’s parents - who are some of the nicest folks in the world.

If I try to share any updates, the line goes totally mute. Total silence. She just sighs/ mouth breathes/ yawns into the phone. She has nothing to say. No congratulations. No follow up questions. No interest at all. I hiked across Europe a few years ago and she did not know where the hell I was and didn’t think to ask. Didn't want to see any pictures or hear stories.

She lives less than 35 minutes away and has never once thought to drive to visit my boyfriend and I in the past 6 years. I have lived in 4 different places during my school years, all within 35 minutes of her home, and she has never visited, asked for the addresses, or offered to help move.

For Mother’s Day I invited her over for dinner. I even gave her a choice of 6 different days across multiple weekends.

She made up a very weird excuse that she was meeting with her friends "Kristie and Carol" that we’re convinced don’t exist. She regularly makes up names of her “friends” in front of people and acts like they have always been so close, when in reality she is either at her part time job or sitting at home watching tv without the lights on. No one has ever heard of these people or met them. She is not in contact with a single old neighbor of ours, any other parents of my school friends, nobody. Just her young boyfriend of a decade that she love/hates.

I asked her about her day with said imaginary “friends” after Mother’s Day and she must have completely forgotten that she had used up that excuse. She told me that she just spend the day at home watching tv that day. She does not have any friends or hobbies and it’s awkward for everyone to nod and go along with it when she makes up imaginary ones.

On the other hand, my good friend had her baby shower last weekend, and her family seemed to have tons of questions for my boyfriend and I, even though we only see those family members a few times a year. They were lovely and caring and genuinely interested in their kids and their friends.

I live about 40 minutes from my mother and her partner. My mom has no other living family members other than myself and has alienated or stopped talking to most of the acquaintances/ friends she's made over the years.

She asked my boyfriend and I to housesit their pets this week and we happily obliged. I had a friend stop by to check on our own cat so we weren't driving back and forth.

When my parents got back to town, I asked my mom if she'd like to come over sometime soon to celebrate Mother's Day - we could go out or cook at my place. She made up some weird excuse that she's getting together with some friends I've never heard of on Mother's Day. No raincheck date, nothing.

She does not have any friends from work and seldom has kind things to say about anyone. Usually she makes up excuses that she's going out with some random person and when I ask how it was, the person magically "cancelled last minute for an emergency" or mom was too tired to go.

I've lived in 5 different apartments all within 45 minutes of her for 10 years and she hasn't visited a single one. Never helped me moved or offered to help. Always said no when I asked to borrow her much larger SUV to move vs my 15-year old tiny sedan that is falling apart.

She's never met my cat of 6 years. Doesn't care to make plans with my boyfriend and I before we move across the country in August. Declines every invitation to: restaurants, concerts, sports games, museums, day trips even when we will obviously take care of said things financially.

About 6 years ago she had a violent meltdown that resulted in her spending the night in jail due to battery. I didn't talk to her for quite some time. She made up a very, very weird excuse to her coworkers who asked why I stopped visiting her at work. She told them I was studying an astrophysics PhD in Switzerland 😂😂😂

(We live in the Midwest. I did not study physics. At that time, I had to drop our of uni to afford living alone in a HCOL area, as well as pay for health insurance that she removed me from the minute I turned 18)

Last year I graduated with a highly competitive engineering degree from a top 5 university in the U.S. and she didn't congratulate me nor did she express any interest in coming to my graduation. So I didn't go to graduation. Instead I went to my boyfriend's home in Europe to celebrate with his family for two weeks.

My boyfriend and I travel 10+ hours by plane to Europe 4 or 5 times a year to visit his family, which is more frequently than we see my own family..... who live less than one hour away. His parents come visit us and invite us on vacations overseas regularly.

My mom doesn't ask about our lives, jobs, hobbies, goals, challenges, etc. When we do occasionally see her, she might ask how so-and-so is doing, usually someone I went to middle school with and haven't been in touch with in over 15 years. Maybe if we're lucky, she will have met them once, but more often than not it's not the case. It's super bizarre. She has never met any of our friends or my boyfriend's family even though they have asked to meet my parents while in town.

My boyfriend and I have travelled to dozens of countries together, volunteered at cool places, and he just got the job of his dreams that he has spent a decade working toward. She will not ask us about any of the above. My coworkers who I see once a week are more interested in this stuff than she has ever been.

She does not have a single photo of me in her home. We have probably not taken a single photo together since I was 4 years old. That's over 2 decades. My half sister has photos of the two of us EVERYWHERE. My boyfriend's parents have framed photos of all of us in multiple rooms in their home on the other side of the world.

tl;dr mother who has 0 other living family members and no social/financial support other than her own boyfriend has not made any effort to spend time with me, ever.

I live about 40 minutes from my mother and her partner. My mom has no other living family members other than myself and has alienated or stopped talking to most of the acquaintances/ friends she's made over the years.

She asked my boyfriend and I to housesit their pets this week and we happily obliged. I had a friend stop by to check on our own cat so we weren't driving back and forth.

When my parents got back to town, I asked my mom if she'd like to come over sometime soon to celebrate Mother's Day - we could go out or cook at my place. She made up some weird excuse that she's getting together with some friends I've never heard of on Mother's Day. No raincheck date, nothing.

She does not have any friends from work and seldom has kind things to say about anyone. Usually she makes up excuses that she's going out with some random person and when I ask how it was, the person magically "cancelled last minute for an emergency" or mom was too tired to go.

I've lived in 5 different apartments all within 45 minutes of her for 10 years and she hasn't visited a single one. Never helped me moved or offered to help. Always said no when I asked to borrow her much larger SUV to move vs my 15-year old tiny sedan that is falling apart.

She's never met my cat of 6 years. Doesn't care to make plans with my boyfriend and I before we move across the country in August. Declines every invitation to: restaurants, concerts, sports games, museums, day trips even when we will obviously take care of said things financially.

About 6 years ago she had a violent meltdown that resulted in her spending the night in jail due to battery. I didn't talk to her for quite some time. She made up a very, very weird excuse to her coworkers who asked why I stopped visiting her at work. She told them I was studying an astrophysics PhD in Switzerland 😂😂😂

(We live in the Midwest. I did not study physics. At that time, I had to drop our of uni to afford living alone in a HCOL area, as well as pay for health insurance that she removed me from the minute I turned 18)

Last year I graduated with a highly competitive engineering degree from a top 5 university in the U.S. and she didn't congratulate me nor did she express any interest in coming to my graduation. So I didn't go to graduation. Instead I went to my boyfriend's home in Europe to celebrate with his family for two weeks.

My boyfriend and I travel 10+ hours by plane to Europe 4 or 5 times a year to visit his family, which is more frequently than we see my own family..... who live less than one hour away. His parents come visit us and invite us on vacations overseas regularly.

My mom doesn't ask about our lives, jobs, hobbies, goals, challenges, etc. When we do occasionally see her, she might ask how so-and-so is doing, usually someone I went to middle school with and haven't been in touch with in over 15 years. Maybe if we're lucky, she will have met them once, but more often than not it's not the case. It's super bizarre. She has never met any of our friends or my boyfriend's family even though they have asked to meet my parents while in town.

My boyfriend and I have travelled to dozens of countries together, volunteered at cool places, and he just got the job of his dreams that he has spent a decade working toward. She will not ask us about any of the above. My coworkers who I see once a week are more interested in this stuff than she has ever been.

She does not have a single photo of me in her home. We have probably not taken a single photo together since I was 4 years old. That's over 2 decades. My half sister has photos of the two of us EVERYWHERE. My boyfriend's parents have framed photos of all of us in multiple rooms in their home on the other side of the world.

tl;dr mother who has 0 other living family members and no social/financial support other than her own boyfriend has not made any effort to spend time with me, ever.