u/MilkxSuger

Hello, I (23f) had a conversation with my best friend (27f) about HRT and how it causes PMS like symptoms and how it’s caused. At one point she said “I can’t wait to have my first period! It’s gonna be so funny we’re gonna be watching a movie and I’ll just randomly get a cramp and die lol”.

I did a lot of research on the subject because I wanted to be as knowledgeable as possible and when it comes to cramps specifically HRT can cause physical stomach cramps but the way it happens is a little different from cisgender women. For cisgender women, estrogen affects the smooth muscle within the uterus when it’s shedding its uterine lining. It’s why we have cramps but it’s deeply tired to our uterus. For trans women it cramps due to the estrogen affecting the smooth muscle within the stomach and intestines. So when there’s a large amount of estrogen it affects the way those muscles contract and often weakens them as well. And of course the more emotional symptoms of PMS also happen because inserting estrogen in your body is going to mess with your hormones a lot and your hormones mess with your emotional. A term I hear some trans women say is “HRT cycle” to describe it but I digress..

It made me feel uncomfortable and slightly offended to hear her say that? Obviously, I don’t feel or want to make her or anyone else to feel less of a woman. I also understand that what trans woman feel physically and emotionally while on HRT (estrogen) is VERY real and the symptoms are also very real and I respect that.

I feel like calling it a “period” (menstrual period) is kind of wrong. Because it isn’t a menstrual period. As a cis woman I feel like my experience as someone who deals with a uterus and the struggles with my cramps and specifically physical blood lost, involuntary biology (just being born this way and not being able to change this, and navigating menstrual stigma, pregnancy fears, birth control side affects, and eventually menopause are my own? I’m not sure how to describe it. I don’t want to offend anyone or sound like I’m transphobic because I’m frankly not. And these feelings are quite conflicting for me. I guess using the term “period” in the way she did as well almost felt like it minimized how it feels for cis woman? Like she’s excited for it and can’t wait for it to happen to her and to me it’s just like. It’s not a good thing for most women. It’s not “fun” and for her to treat it like it kind of is makes me feel weird about it. I’m also aware that this is just something I’m feeling of course but I also feel like quite a few cis women feel the same way?

I guess I’m wondering what I should do about this? Should I just ignore how I feel and keep our friendship as amazing as it already is? Do I even tell her I feel this way? Shes my best friend and I don’t want to come off like I’m minimizing her womanhood either. I want to be very mindful about this and I want to be a good friend as well. Any advice is appreciated.

CLARIFICATION: one thing people mentioned a lot was how much they were excited for their periods. This was entirely a surprise to me just because most of the people in my life hate it so I had also grown to also wish to never get it. So, that also gave me some insight on why she would be excited over this milestone.

UPDATE: Thank you everyone who has responded and commented. Aside from a few really rude people, you have all been very insightful, kind, and helpful. Thank you for giving me some grace and not completely lashing out on me. I’ve gained a lot of understanding from everyone especially from those who are trans, you’ve taught me a lot on what it’s like for you.

I have decided that I’m not going to tell her how I feel and support her as her best friend. especially since talking it through with all of you I’ve changed my mind on the matter. I also found I was probably being too sensitive about it and she’s just trying her best just as well as I am too. I will however probably delicately talk to her about how it could be dangerous to say this in front of people in public though as some of you’ve have stated that people could get aggressive.

I’m happy that most of you were able to understand my intentions are/were not malicious whatsoever. Just like some of you’ve said I am also growing as a person as well which is why I try to be mindful about these things. I will not be responding or replying to posts that are just trying to aggravate or stir the pot. This is not the place for that :) your hate is not appreciated.

I (23f) used to work at this comic book shop in a really small town and I was their first and only employee (he said I was the best employee he ever had and didn’t trust anyone else so he never hired after me). My boss took a chance on me but also only paid me $12 an hour and hired me randomly when I asked for a job (I was desperate to make money). I was 18-19 years old and he had not only sold comics but also Magic cards, Pokemon cards, Manga, and all sorts of things.

I didn’t have enough money to actually buy anything so I would steal from there. He had no cameras and trusted me enough to be in the store by myself and would go to his other business. Whenever there was no one there I would stick magic cards and Pokemon cards I wanted or liked into my purse and just take them. The same goes with sleeves that I wanted and or trinkets and things. And we also had game nights so I’d also just drink soda whenever I wanted. I think total I stole like $200-$300 worth of stuff.

I don’t think he ever knew. He didn’t keep inventory of what he had - just bought things and then would sell them for more and would just see what happens and how much money he made.

Then I moved away but I never told anyone and I sort of don’t regret it just because he had a few businesses and was actually fairly well off. The comic book shop was his “hobby” he would always say. Me feeling like I don’t regret it makes me feel bad tho just because I’m disappointed in myself for feeling that way.