u/Mirage-V2

Im not a massive tech person but know a little. But wanting to move my operating system from cdrive which is a hdd to another drive which is an sdd.

Like at all.

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I dunno,im really struggling with accepting im trans........about 9 months questioning it,probably repressing it for a while without realizing for a while before that.

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Hell i just hit 6 months on E for fuck sake....and i just cant accept im trans.....like why.....i just cant see me as a woman,though i want to. I dont get it.

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Hell my reddit history speaks for itself i guess......

SO yeah im almost 6 months on E. Honestly doubted that i was trans,even now.......even though never really connected with guys like ever,rather chilled with the girls(as young as 5,never really had guy friends lol).........hated how i looked,hate how I sounded......hated my name(legit everyone just calls me by my nickname,still a guy name but its better than my legal name.....never related to being a guy.......

But yeah i do wish i was born female, wish i got to live that life(now 31 for context).

And still i had doubts.....

But today i got to thinking that honestly........if it wasnt for me having a daughter......i would of offed myself rather than live a life as a guy..........I just wish I was a girl........I feel so shit........all ive done today is cry,i feel useless

How do other people cope on days like this?

Every single time i look in the mirror and just near on cry.....i just hate it.....everytime i go to the bathroom at home or at work or whatever its just there.....i only see a guy......and it fucking sucks so bad....

Like i still have doubts that im a girl half the time....but seeing a guy? Ew.....fuck.......im so fucking trans....why cant i just accept that

So yeah i dont know why i keep going back to it being a fetish, i dont know, I guess in a way i just wish it was.

Since there like 0 sexual gratification from it all. Like im now over 5 months on E. Very little changes tbh,the sensitivity back at the beginning was kinda huge for me but thats died down and noticed alot of "budding" i guess? And emotion changes.

Like I guess way back i was always kinda drawn to feminine things,but never really felt that feminine,but was interested....maybe out of fear?

1st time wearing remotely feminine clothing and makeup and such just made me overwhelmed with emotions to the point where I curled into a ball and just cried.....

cause it felt good/happy...........and i was scared of that.

Always come across like these cartoon comics of this trans girl coming out and trying new feminine stuff and wish that was me. And like gender change stuff.......i just get filled with envy.

So im just so lost..............

but like HOW am i still wondering at this point?

Hell ive even told a few people,all online and a couple of irls........mostly positive.

Noticed getting quite a few stares recently,probably cause i have longish hair now and no facial hair etc etc....idk.......dont think i look anywhere close to feminine but either way its uncomfy...........maybe its another reason why im questioning and hoping im not but eh........

I just dont feel trans,but guess I was,but also wish I wasnt. Im just so confused

31 mtf 5"6 147LBs

Been on hrt for just over 5 months now,for the 1st time in my adult like i had actively trying to get my body in better shape,cause i absolutely hate my gut and how i look in general. Doing intermittent fasting and pretty much everything and got from 171lbs to 147 in 2 1/2 months.

Now I cannot seem to lose anymore and causing me to spiral,was wanting to get to like 130-135lbs,but it seems i cant lose anymore,been stuck at 146-148 for 2 weeks,absolutely 0 cheat days,only having coffee,water and diet soda now and then,so im frustrated with that also.

Ready stuff up on weight cycling and all sorts, so kinda figured id just do that cause then MAYBE ill start liking how i look,but from what i read its not real and if i gain fat itll just go to old fat cells and id have to gain EVEN FURTHER just to get new feminine centered fat cells........and the though of that is just yeah.......depressing.

Id honestly rather die

So gonna have to start eating more and working out more. Not sure what i should be doing exactly.

Just been a little bit of everything honestly

Im so tired. Nothing i did last night helped me get to sleep. Legit only had 2 hours.....so as i drifted off to sleep.....i saw a vision of a girl, then realizing what i saw was essentially what i could of looked liked if i was born female, i balled my eyes out cause that made me realize how much i wished that was the case,and how much i wish i realized this out so much sooner. Feeling regrets and happiness and just everything. Kind of made me want to stop this weightloss stuff and actually attempt to gain some weight and then realizing it all could just go back to being man fat so i got upset again......its going to be a long day cause i didnt sleep after this

And this was so hard. Despite using electrolytes this time i still felt rough most of the time but kept going through sheer willpower. Living off water and coffee was interesting.

Sadly didnt feel any mental clarity people seem to get,legit was just stomach pain then no stomach pain repeatedly. Almost broke yesterday but kept going.....but this morning i just couldnt i felt really bad this morning for some reason.

Kinda made at myself that I couldnt push further but hey I lost almost 6lbs (some obviously water weight not sure how much though).

Now gonna stick to a deficit until Wednesday and then start again.

Currently on my 2nd fast,1st one i lasted like 55 hours and it was hell,mind i didnt know i needed electrolytes so that would explain it.

Im currently on the 30th hour.....and the hunger pains is not going away,im dreading sleeping tonight.

Does the pains go away eventually?

Wanting to hit 72 hours.

Im just trying to lose 5-10 pounds.

Just the title,now taking meds for my hair,cause balding and i really dont want to lose it lmao

Basicly wanting to do a longer fast,the last one sucked as i didnt know i needed stuff other than just sodium from salt.

Is there anything i can order from somewhere or amazon that puts everything i need into one?

Basicly wanting to do a longer fast,the last one sucked as i didnt know i needed stuff other than just sodium from salt.

Is there anything i can order from somewhere or amazon that puts everything i need into one?

So like im struggling with me thinking myself as female and I dont really know why.

So i never really thought much about my gender growing up, now thinking there probably was signs, main one being wearing female clothing at bedtime just cause it felt nice.

And i never really related to being male.

My main issue is i am worried this strives of fetish and stuff like that. Like Gender change or transformation kinda stuff is what speaks to me I guess. And outside of the nsfw stuff,watching tiktok videos about how one figures it out being trans and look amazing,and its like a knife to the heart.

Ive had days my mood being ruined cause of it.

I just look in the mirror and dont see a girl,Ive been told by trans women I look cute as fuck already, im 31 and 5 months on E........I guess I can kinda see it at a long distance or in a poorly lit room,thanks to my hair I guess.

But yeah I just dont know what to do