u/Miserable_Willow_312

There’s a woman at work named Cheryl and I swear every office has a version of her.

She’s not openly mean enough to get in trouble, but she somehow makes the entire atmosphere heavier the second she walks into a room. You can literally hear conversations die when she appears around the corner.

Cheryl acts like she’s management despite not actually supervising anyone. She monitors everyone constantly. If someone comes back from lunch a few minutes late, she’ll quietly say: “Half days must be nice.”

If someone calls in sick, she suddenly becomes an investigator: “Hm. They were fine yesterday.” She also has this talent for disguising criticism as concern. She’ll say things like: “You seem really tired lately. Everything okay?” in front of other coworkers so now everyone turns to look at you like you’re falling apart.

The breakroom is the worst. Someone could be talking about a new puppy, vacation plans, or literally anything enjoyable, and Cheryl somehow redirects it into negativity within thirty seconds.

Coworker: “We’re going camping this weekend.”

Cheryl: “Hope you packed emergency supplies. My cousin got stranded once and almost lost a toe.” Nobody even knows how to respond to that.

She also keeps track of things that no normal person should notice. She remembers exactly how long people take on break, who leaves early, who orders takeout too often, who seems “off” lately. She never directly accuses anyone of anything, but she says just enough to make people uncomfortable. The strangest part is she genuinely thinks she’s helpful. If there’s tension in the office that she personally caused, she’ll sit there saying: “I just think communication has really broken down around here.”

Meanwhile everyone is actively avoiding eye contact with her. At this point people schedule lunches around Cheryl. If someone sees her heading for the breakroom, they suddenly remember they “have emails to finish.” New employees usually try to be friendly with her at first, but within about two weeks they develop the same thousand-yard stare as the rest of us.

What makes it worse is there’s never a big dramatic event HR can point to. It’s just years of constant small comments, judgment, negativity, and hovering until the entire office collectively feels emotionally exhausted whenever she’s around.

I'm not bothered enough by her to leave my longterm employment, but she really does make the work week feel exhausting.

I'm not exactly sure what to do with this information, but it feels ethically questionable to me.

I'm an LCSW at a CCBHO and work closely with agency caseworkers for several high-needs clients, many involving substance use and significant community resource needs. During staffing this morning regarding a mutual client who has been in outreach status due to no contact for 3 weeks, the caseworker explained the steps he had taken to locate them.

He mentioned the usual avenues: local jail bookings, emergency contacts, last known address, and EMRs through partnering healthcare systems. But he also stated he searched the client on Facebook, Instagram, Discord, and Snapchat. According to him, the client had recent activity and posts showing they were alive and still local.

I've worked in this field a long time and have never known coworkers to search through a client's personal social media in this way as part of outreach. Maybe I'm out of touch, but this feels intrusive to me.

I reviewed our agency policies and code of conduct and couldn't find anything specifically addressing it. Is this becoming normal practice in community mental health/case management, or does this feel inappropriate to others as well?

I’ve spent most of my life being the person others turn to when they’re hurting, struggling, overwhelmed, or just need help with something. I help however I can and never really expect anything in return. Over time it just became who I am. In my 20s I went into social work professionally, and I’ve now been at the same agency for almost 20 years. Even there, I’m the caregiver type with coworkers too.

Recently I had a birthday, and something about it hit me harder than I expected.

Birthdays have never really felt important in my life, even as a kid. Three days before my 4th birthday, my brother died horribly due to my parents’ horrible actions. His funeral was held on my birthday. My childhood after that was filled with abuse, neglect, and silence. Even as an adult, birthdays were usually just another day. Past partners rarely made them special either. Honestly, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve even had a birthday cake.

At work, birthdays are normally acknowledged. People say happy birthday, coworkers chip in for a gift card, sometimes there’s food or a small celebration. But this year, nothing. Not a single person acknowledged it. It was just another workday.

I know nobody owes me anything, and I don’t feel entitled to attention or gifts. But I realized afterward how much the simple act of being seen matters to me. I’m pretty alone in this world, and I think that silence touched something much deeper than I expected.

A lot of my trauma stays buried and quiet most of the time until moments like this bring it all to the surface. I think part of me is realizing how invisible I’ve felt for most of my life.