u/Mobile-Egg9597

I am 1.5 years or so from my husband dying from cancer after a 3 year battle. I’m 35 with 3 young kids. Overall I feel like I’m doing well because I’m in therapy, I have my kids, and great family on both sides. I keep busy but have been also taking things slow and just being present every day. But I’ve noticed that I have such strong emotions now. I can swing from intense anger to extreme joy in like an hour 😅 i cry for no reason often. I feel all the emotions in a single day and it’s hard to feel ‘stable’. It seems like every day I have a new emotion that I need to deal with. I also do so much overthinking and would love to get out of my mind!! I’m not on any meds but have considered it due to panic around my cycle and things feeling so extreme. Doesn’t help that my kids are 10, 8, and 2 and these ages feel so hard to parent without my husband here to help. He was the fun one and I was the serious one and being both mom and dad has been hard. Anyways, just a vent sesh. Maybe others feel these extremes too?

I am a widow with 3 kids 10, 8, and 2 and I am dating a good friend of my late husbands. He doesn’t live with me but stays over frequently and has put in a lot of time and effort into our lives/home and we plan to marry someday.

My 10 year old was puking all day but I kept her in her room and we both checked on her often and I would go in to help. That evening she came upstairs because she wanted to be by me so I made her a bed on the couch. Not ideal but she wanted to sleep there overnight. I’m okay with this but he was not because he didn’t want to get sick which started a big debate. I get he doesn’t want to get sick but I told him he could go because if she wanted the couch I was going to let her. And yes she was still puking.

He said that felt like I wasn’t respecting him and what will happen in the future when he lives with us and someone is sick. He said she’s old enough to take care of herself and stay in her room and I was still giving adequate care and he felt that puking in the living room would get everyone else sick. As we were talking later I got upset because I was just trying to be accommodating to my daughter and do what we normally do and then all of a sudden I pissed him off because his needs weren’t considered.

He’s not a parent, he doesn’t pay rent or fund our lives, we aren’t engaged, and he doesn’t live with us (yet). So I felt like it was inappropriate but I understand the future aspect of taking care of sick kids with him here full time. It was a big fight and I felt like telling him to go home was fine because he had the option and I wanted her on the couch nearby.

Do I want my sick child in a common area? No. But it was near bedtime and if that made her comfortable I was okay with it. We repaired the conflict but I’m still annoyed and keep thinking about it.

UPDATE: wow thank you for all your comments I wish I could reply to each one.

1. This is the first time that I’m seeing this selfish side of him. This fight was not in front on my daughter. I am thinking he is a big germ freak at this point but he has been here with other sickness my kids had. Even caught impetigo from us. It’s the puking that he is not okay with and I am not okay with how he reacted. I definitely felt like I had to choose between him and my daughter’s comfort. I am not looking past this.

2. My kids enjoy him. Love? Not sure, time will tell. But he is an active participant in their life. They knew him before my husband passed. He helped me and my husband while on hospice and continued after he died. There was no intention of anything. He had a girlfriend at the time and broke it off when he started spending more time with me and I was the instigator in some aspects.

3. I was left with nothing. I just have a home and my husband’s debt tied to our home. He gains nothing with being with me and has been a huge part of my grieving because he also lost a friend. But I can see how it looks from the outside. I grieved before my husband passed as he had cancer for 3 years. Although yes, my kids did not. This has not been a negative experience on anyone’s end so far.

4. I am upset with the over step in this area and him questioning my parenting. He told me his mom sent him to his room and he didn’t come out until he was better. His childhood was harsh and mine was full of care and kindness. This whole situation opened my eyes to how he will treat them when they are vulnerable and need comfort.

5. This is not rage bait and it’s how it went down. He was okay with her in her room downstairs and yes we both kept checking but I did the ‘going in’. When she came upstairs he did not like that she was in the living room by her siblings. Also should add he’s a nurse so maybe he sees it from that end but also as a nurse wouldn’t you be a little more compassionate? The whole thing upset me and I’m confused by his reactions to it all.

Hopefully this gives more insight. I followed my gut but was made to feel like the bad guy for choosing my child’s comfort which I am not taking lightly. 10 is still a baby in my eyes. But yes, my home, my kids, and the whole respect comment is making my blood boil.

When you have a sick child do they stay in their room or are they in shared living spaces? I have 3 kids 10, 8, and 2. My daughter is getting older (10 yrs) and normally if a child is puking they are on the couch and I’m close to them. Not ideal but I can keep an eye on them. Yesterday I kept her in her room downstairs all day because my boyfriend was here and needed to be here with them while I had an appt I couldn’t reschedule.

Later that night she came upstairs and wanted to be by me so I made her a bed on the couch and my bf got upset because he didn’t want to get sick and felt like she should of stayed in her room. I told him he was more than welcome to go home. This started a silly argument. I agree that older kids are capable of being quarantined but I still feel like she’s young. But maybe I’m wrong?

Idk I guess I’m just wondering what other parents do with their sick kids. Also I should state that I am a widow and usually have the help of my husband with our sick kids but now it’s just me and still trying to navigate not having a normal relationship 😅