Is this stalking? Next step
I’m a woman and I live in an inner-city apartment block where the culture is typically very friendly. It’s the kind of building where everyone says hello in the hall, holds the door open for one another, and engages in normal, polite pleasantries. I also have a very cute, young fluffy dog that everyone in the world wants to pat.
There’s a weird socially awkward man who lives downstairs. He likes dogs so I let him, along with anyone else really, give my dog a pat. I say hello/ generic chat if we pass in the foyer (‘hey, how’s it going, weather looks warm/ cold, how’s the renos? Okay have a good one!’).
I don’t actually remember his name, never spent any time with him other than surface level chit chat if we passed in the foyer/ hall. We’re both owners, not renters.
This has obviously been transmuted in his head as the start of a relationship.
Seeking advice on next steps.
April: Prior to my dog's knee surgery, a downstairs neighbour asked numerous questions and offered to cook for her. I declined, finding the behaviour overly familiar but attempting to view it as well-intentioned.
10 April: Immediately after returning from the surgery, I was outside trying to get my dog to relieve herself post-anaesthetic. The neighbour stood closely and watched us. I explicitly stated we were fine and tried to focus on my dog, who was in pain. He eventually left, only to return ten minutes later to hand me a puppy pad. I accepted it briefly just to get him to leave.
Throughout May: I repeatedly encountered him in the building foyer. It’s daily pretty much. During one interaction, he mentioned losing his dogs and appeared tearful. When I asked if they were old, he clarified that his ex had taken them. He proceeded to discuss his breakup while I was forced to stand there holding my wriggling dog before I could excuse myself.
Another time, he opened his apartment door upon hearing me return down the hall. He offered me a used dog bed. I declined, stating my dog already had two, but he continued to press that it was a good brand before I firmly refused.
I realise now he’s opening his front door and coming out to the hall every time he hears me and my dog. His behaviour escalated from incidental greetings to intentionally opening his door every time he heard us in the hallway. He would call my dog over, forcing me to walk down the hall to retrieve her and engage in unwanted small talk.
29 May: Encountered him in the foyer upon returning home. He commented that I looked exhausted. I kept the response brief and went upstairs.
30 May: Met him in the hall again. He brought up my appearance from the previous day and asked if my fatigue was due to indigestion.
31 May (approx.): At 1:30 AM, I took my dog outside. She began barking, and I looked up to see him leaning out of his window, beckoning her and trying to initiate a conversation. I immediately picked up my dog and went back inside.
3 June: At 9:30 PM, he knocked on my door to inform me that someone had stepped in dog mess on the stairs. Confused by the late-night knock, I stated it was not from my dog. He claimed he was just letting me know, offering no emergency justification for the disruption.
5 June: Around 3:00 PM, he knocked on my door to offer a cinnamon scroll from a local bakery. I was working from home and accepted it quickly, I don’t know why I just didn’t know what else to say. While holding a half-eaten sandwich, he commented on the quality of the bread and began to suggest breaking off a piece of his own food to give to me. I declined, cited a work meeting, and closed the door.
Later that night, around 10:30 PM, he rang my intercom. He refused to identify himself when prompted. Assuming it was a delivery error, I buzzed the main door open. He then knocked on my apartment door to offer me a pair of women's sunglasses, claiming he was clearing out his place. I expressed confusion and gave a cold reception, repeatedly declining the item before he left.
7 June: Met him further down the street while kneeling to clean up after my dog. He approached from behind to pet her. While I was off-balance, he asked what my plans were for the rest of the day. I stated I was running errands and immediately walked away. After her walk I returned to the building to find him entering at the exact same moment. My dog rushed to the glass door, and instead of waiting for me to secure her, he opened the door to grab and cradle her with inappropriate familiarity. After retrieving her and heading up the stairs, he called out to ask about my schedule and added, 'If you can’t sleep, you can always come and knock on my door.' I declined.
From this point onwards I stopped surface level pleasantries (no hi, no short sentences to answer his questions and leave, I’m ignoring him or just saying “ok” when he ambushes me in the wee hours of the morning when I’m alone on an empty street waiting for my dog to do her business).
8 June: Encountered him in the hallway at exactly 1:45 AM while taking my dog outside to pee.
9 June: Spoke to another resident who confirmed the neighbour acts strangely and frequently attempts to give away random household objects to others.
10 June: Took my dog outside and observed him opening his window twice specifically to watch us, though he did not speak. Later that day, At 1:22 PM, he knocked on my door. I checked the peephole and did not answer. He walked away, returned two minutes later, and knocked again. I remained silent. At 2:08 PM, he rang my intercom. When I asked who it was, he identified himself by name, mentioning he lived downstairs and had left a pastry at my door. I told him he did not need to do that. He agreed to stop, and I hung up. At 3:30 PM, I left for a walk and found a pastry bag sticky-taped to my doorframe with a note written on it.
18 June: At 1:30 AM, I took my dog out and found him loading his car. He approached me with tears in his eyes, visibly shaking and pulling at his sleeves, apologising for making me uncomfortable. I told him plainly that I did not want my doorbell rung at all hours. He stammered, thanked me for letting him know, and then abruptly got into his vehicle and sped away down the street.
29 June: Returning home at 9:30 PM, I passed the foyer and heard him call my name from down the hall three times. I ignored him and continued up the stairs.
4 July: At 11:10 PM, I was walking my dog down a nearby lane. He approached me from behind. I kept moving toward the main street to get inside, but he followed, stating we hadn't spoken in weeks. He handed me a handwritten note. I kept my responses completely neutral. He bent down to pet my dog, and then stammered an apology for the messy handwriting before scurrying away.
The Note Left by the Neighbour: Hi, we haven’t spoken in a few weeks and I wanted to reach out. Firstly, your home is your sanctuary, a safe place, and I was wrong to overstep this boundary. I am sorry for making you feel uncomfortable and upset, and it won’t happen again. Secondly, I apologise if writing to you is unwelcoming or not received well, but I write to you out of mutual respect. I truly value the connection we’ve had over the past few months. I am genuinely interested in you and [text scribbled out] and I am not here to play games. I prefer clarity over regret, always. If you are open to rebuilding our connection, I would love to grab a coffee sometime soon when you’re ready. If you feel it is best to leave things here and end it for good, I completely understand and respect that too. Either way, I wish you the best. [Name and phone number removed]