I’m relocating abroad soon and trying to fix my relationship one last time, but I’m finally setting financial boundaries. Am I doing the right thing?
I just really need some outside perspective because my mind is all over the place right now.
I love my partner. I love her despite everything she has done to me, including shutting me out for weeks, hiding things, and an unpaid debt. Even after all the pain, I’m still here trying. I’m officially moving out of the country for a new job next month, and I just want us to be clear, settled, and okay before I leave. As long as I still have the strength to fight for us, even when it hurts so much, I will push through. I don't want to look back later with regrets, thinking I didn't try my absolute best. But the painful reality is, the more I try to get closer to her, the more she pulls away.
Lately, she suddenly asked me to book an expensive out-of-town trip together, while making excuses about her own tight finances. In the past, I would have opened my wallet blindly out of love. But this time, I stood my ground.
I told her I am completely open to traveling and spending time with her before I leave, but she needs to handle her own upfront travel costs first, and I will only help cover things later on. I also gently but firmly told her that since my remaining days here are very limited, I need her undivided attention—no distractions, no constant side tasks, and no being "physically present but mentally absent" like she used to be.
The moment she realized she wasn’t getting advance cash from me, her tone shifted. She suddenly found a way to arrange her own travel schedule, and she started replying to my messages instantly—compared to before when it would take her days of silent treatment just to answer a basic question.
Is it wrong for me to protect myself and my own financial security right now, especially when I have massive relocation expenses? I am doing everything to stay fair, sweet, and patient without completely cutting her off, but I refuse to be taken for a fool anymore.
Am I being smart by setting these boundaries, or am I just forcing something that is already dead because she only values my money and attention? What do you guys think?