u/Mortonsaltgirl96

One of my biggest pet peeves now is when someone is watching videos on their phone in public without headphones. It happened to me during both my breaks on work today. I was just trying to enjoy the nice weather and relax, but that happened twice. First time it was a pair of teenagers, second was a woman who looked to be in her 40s/50s. Like I don’t get it, you wanna watch your video fine but not everyone around you wants to hear it. It feels so inconsiderate to me. But I also feel like such a grouchy old person with that “these people and their phones today!” Mindset. My coworkers agree with me at least lol. Anyone else?

My fiancé and I have been engaged for a month, tentative wedding date in Sep. 2027. We want a small wedding, our budget is around 10-15k and we don’t want help paying for it. But already his mom and my mom are overwhelming us. I’m trying to hold my ground and establish boundaries but I’m a horribly chronic people pleaser and already having trouble.

Examples:
-My fiancé’s mom used to be an event planner for a country club, weddings included. So in her defense she’s more experienced than we are. But she’s overwhelming us both with her suggestions and the way we should be doing things. Like our engagement party, it’s gonna be at her house cause our place is too small. She was saying the guest list will be 40-50 people, which is way more than what I planned. And my fiancé mentioned she was telling him all these people he should invite that he wasn’t considering but then he felt like he had to cause she told him to. When my fiancé finally said we want to have family only she crashed out to him over the phone. (I don’t know the specifics that’s just how he described it). Once everyone calmed down she asked me for the #s of my guests for evites. It was only after I sent them I was told she’s not doing evites since it’s family only and just text them myself. THEN once I did she changed her mind back and sent out evites. The flip flopping was very stressful and if it’s gonna be like that for all the wedding planning I will have my own crash out at some point over the next year.

My mom has always been adding on stress. -We want a small guest list for the wedding too. I have a huge family with siblings, nieces/nephews, cousins, etc. while my fiancé’s immediate and extended family are tiny. So we were thinking just immediate family, a couple extended members that we actually talk to, and close friends. But when talking about our guest list my mom was listing all these people from her side that I “have to” invite. Her suggestions ended up at like 35 people. I reminded her we wanted a small group with people who we’re close to. So then she said “that’s fine so don’t invite-“ then listed off a bunch of people from my dad’s side that she doesn’t like. I let it go since we don’t even have a venue yet but I know it’s gonna come up again once we do make a guest list.

-Most recently, my mom asked who I’m planning to have as bridesmaids. I listed my two sisters, SIL, and my best friend. As soon as I mentioned her name my mom said “No don’t have her! [Older sister] can’t stand her!” I tried explaining how she’s my best/oldest friend and I was in her wedding. My mom kept insisting I can’t because it would make my sister mad and called her a bad friend due to high school drama we had 10+ years ago. So now I feel damned if I do damned if I don’t. And my mom keeps randomly bringing it up saying “Please don’t have [friend] as a bridesmaid! It’ll upset [sister]”. But I feel like if I don’t have my friend as a bridesmaid it’ll upset her too, and either way I’m gonna get with someone getting mad at me.

Like we’ve barely even started planning and I’m already frustrated. Everyone keeps telling me and my fiancé “it’s your wedding do what you want”. But tbh I’m sick of hearing that! Cause the moment we say what we want or set a boundary there’s pushback and arguments. My fiance is already at the point where he wants to just elope, but I know that’ll cause major controversy as well. I don’t know what to do cause it feels like no matter what, I’m wrong and upsetting someone. And truth be told I do want a wedding, but I want it our way, not our moms’ ways. I really know I need to set boundaries now but it’s hard.

Has anyone else been through this? Advice is appreciated. TYIA