u/MrWhiteOut99

This occurred almost a week ago and I am wondering what others would have done here. I (27M) am dating a girl (25F) we have been dating for almost a year and both are very happy together. My girlfriend is Asian and I am white, I promise that’s relevant for later in the story. My friend (26F) has been my friend since we were in high school together started hanging out with my girlfriend every now and then when i am busy with work and I can’t spend time with her when she gets off of her job.

During the last time they hung out my friend asked my girlfriend what attracts her to me, which my girlfriend said my personality, my values, the effort I put into our relationship and most importantly my looks. My friend said what specifically about my looks and she said “his blue eyes, dark brown hair you know him being white.” This apparently freaked my friend out and she told me my girlfriend has a fetish for white men and I should break up with her.

I laughed in front of her and said I know that she does and that it’s ok I don’t mind, because I also have a thing for Asian girls with their physical traits also, so we were kind of made for each other. My friend was flabbergasted and said my girlfriend and I both need help and I need to break up with my girlfriend and work on my issues with my tastes and that we can’t just like each other because of our attraction to each others features that are stereotypical and fetishistic. After a couple of times rounding the conversation over with her, I told her if she can’t let it go then we will need to put some distance between us since I’m not choosing her friendship over my relationship. She left and was on the verge of tears.

I have been friends with this person for over 10 years and I would really not like to lose this friendship but I also want to protect my girlfriend, but I’m just shocked she actually thought i would break up with my girlfriend because she told me too. What would you guys have done?

TLDR: friend of 10 years thinks me and my girlfriend are fetishizing each other and I told her we’re both consenting to it and she needs to let it go or I will cut her off.

This happened yesterday I 27M was hanging with a couple of my friends 23M and 26F after work. I recently broke up with my ex a couple months ago and was telling them I’ve cried and eaten enough Ben and Jerry’s to move on and am ready to start dating again. My friend who is a woman told me she had a few friends she thinks I would hit it off with and she showed me a few pictures of them. All but one of them I was interested in.

Now before I continue I want to be clear I am not desperate to find a girlfriend. I am in no rush and I have unfortunately a rather hard line with attraction which I’ll explain. I like Asian girls. Not like I prefer them over everyone else like they are the only kind of girl I’m attracted to. It’s been this way since I was 8 years old and I saw Cho Chang on screen in the 4th Harry Potter movie, before then I didn’t even remember thinking girls were attractive.

The girl my friend showed me that I liked was Asian so I gravitated to that one and my friend said “maybe don’t pick her she’s too similar to your ex maybe spread your wings more.” I told her no Asians are the only women I’m attracted too, and she was shocked. My friend (who is white) said “so the whole time we’ve been friends you’ve never been attracted to me?” I said that’s a weird thing to say and no I have never been attracted to you and she called me a weird fetishizing loser. She left me and my other friend who took my side in that he said her comment was over the top however he did say it might be a good idea to try and date outside my comfort zone and maybe I’ll gain a attraction to others.

I think after almost 30 years on earth I would know what I am and unable to be into attraction wise and I feel pretty adamant that I have a right to date who I want and not have to do something someone says in order to not be perceived as a person with a fetish. To make one last thing clear also I am aware that some people treat Asian girls as a monolith and that they have specific traits, I am not one of those people i date them solely because they are the only girls I see as physically attractive. AITBF?

This occurred almost a week ago and I could use some advice. I (26M) am dating a girl (25F) we have been dating for almost a year and both are very happy together. My girlfriend is Asian and I am white, I promise that’s relevant for later in the story. My friend (26F) has been my friend since we were in high school together started hanging out with my girlfriend every now and then when i am busy with work and I can’t spend time with her when she gets off of her job.

During the last time they hung out my friend asked my girlfriend what attracts her to me, which my girlfriend said my personality, my values and effort I put into our relationship and lastly my looks. My friend said what specifically about my looks and she said “his blue eyes, dark brown hair and he’s white which is the cherry on top.” This apparently freaked my friend out and she told me my girlfriend has a fetish for white men and I should break up with her.

I laughed uncontrollably in front of her and said I know that she does and that it’s ok I don’t mind, because I also have a thing for Asian girls, so we were kind of made for each other. My friend was flabbergasted and said my girlfriend and I both need help and I need to break up with my girlfriend and work on my issues with my tastes and that we can’t just like each other because of our attraction to each others features that are stereotypical. After a couple of times rounding the conversation over I told her if she can’t let it go then we will need to put some distance between us since I’m not choosing her friendship over my relationship. She left and was on the verge of tears.

Did I go too far with the ultimatum AITB?

I’m a 27M and after speaking with my therapist and acknowledging I have a strong basically singular preference for East Asian women (meaning I literally can only find East Asian Women attractive), she informed me it’s not something I need to be ashamed of and something I should explore and participate in without guilt. While she obviously didn’t tell me what to do with that, I just want to get other peoples opinions who have similar types of preferences like me about how to approach just women of my preference without being disrespectful or weird. I don’t know if it would seem improper to only approach East Asian women in public or go to places in my state (Florida) where they are more common?

I’ve been with an Asian girl before but it’s been a couple years since we broke up and I just want to have a better view of this form of dating going forward, from likeminded people.