u/MsChateau

When I put my mom into memory care, it was clear she needed to be there. But here's the thing...a lot of the problems she was having were correctable...and they've been corrected. She's an alcoholic who is no longer drinking. She hadn't taken thyroid medication in years...now she's good. She got thiamine infusions and lots of vitamin D. She was sent to geri psych for her paranoia and agitation, and now she's calm and pretty rational.

I'm actually starting to wonder if I could move her to an assisted living facility. She really just needs help taking her medication, and she needs to be prompted to shower. I don't know if she's even sundowning anymore, or a danger for wandering.

She never went through a full neurological evaluation. She was such a mess that doctors said "dementia". She did have a CT that showed shrunken frontal lobes and some white matter lesions.

But now she's stuck in a lovely (expensive) memory care facility, where she is BY FAR the most conversant person. Her memory is not terrible. She has no one to talk to. She just rereads books in her room. She could live for YEARS, since she probably has mostly alcoholic dementia, which may progress very slowly. My grandmother, who was far more advanced, was in memory care for 10 years before passing away.

Is it a crazy idea to think she might be able to be in assisted living?

Oh, and if you are going to say people with dementia get worse when they are moved -- she does not. She has been in the hospital at least 4 times, the memory wing of skilled nursing, and two different memory care facilities in the last 4 months. And she's getting better, not worse.

Hello Friends, I know this applies to so many of you too. Gift article from NYT mag (should be free for 2 weeks).

It mentions that LO (for Loved One) is often the acronym for the family member being cared for, when that person may not actually be so loved.

Perhaps we should switch to FM for family member (love neutral).

Looking for a used AWD Sienna. The 2021s are the perfect price point for me, but I worry about that first production year. Am I overthinking it?

I put Mom in memory care and she wants out. The facility wants to meet with me in a care plan meeting, WITH HER, that she has requested. WTF. Despite having dementia, she can still be a very convincing self-advocate.

What the hell am I supposed to do here? Are they going to kick her out? Are they going to say she's not advanced enough? I think it's possible that with the alcohol out of her system, and the B12 and thiamine she got during her last hospital stay, and the fact that she's back on thyroid medication, her cognition has improved somewhat.

I'm an only child. She's a divorced alcoholic who has alienated everyone.

Next stop, she has to live with me I guess. I'm not turning her over to the state.

Will I even be able to visit again, ever?

Mom is in a new MC after being kicked out of her last one for attacking a caregiver. For 10 days in between she was in the hospital, and was a complete doll. I spent a great deal of time visiting with her.

The new MC is a fantastic (expensive) place. She's only been there for a few days, but I went down to meet a hospice worker for an evaluation. Mom seemed very weak in the hospital and was sent to the MC with 24-hr oxygen for her COPD.

Mom is "robust" according the hospice worker. Mom is also super pissed at being in there with people with "senile dementia" who can't hold a conversation. Mom grabbed me. Threated to sue me until I'm bankrupt. Said she thinks I'm doing this malevolently.

Mom has alcoholic dementia and is still very conversant. It seems very unlike the other dementias people discuss here. I keep having visions of nice times we can have together, but I don't know if she'll ever come to accept this. I may never be able to even visit. I'm also concerned she may live forever now that she's off the booze and being fed and medicated properly.

I'm just venting. This has been so hard and she just keeps making it harder.