u/MushroomLuminal

Does anybody know any Romani owned businesses? Every time I try to search or find any, I only ever come across gadje owned businesses who make “g-word inspired“ items along with many other stereotypical adjectives in the items bio. (witch, boho, tarot reader, etc..). It’s really annoying lol.

Recently I’ve seen debates in comment sections, posts, live streams, about mixed individual’s who are mixed with Black/African American, are not black. What does this mean? I haven’t looked much into it or really engage because from what I’ve seen those conversations get nasty very quickly. To be honest, a lot of conversations surrounding mixed individuals within the black community can get nasty, sometimes they aren’t too. As of now, at least in my personal experience, I haven’t seen this conversation outside of social media or have been told this. Whenever I am surrounded by other black people (specifically African Americans because I am apart of that community), I have never been told I was not black. Do they clock that I’m mixed or at least have an idea that I am (without directly asking)? Yes, but I was never really denied being black or my own experiences. But I wonder what the experience is like in terms of others who have encountered this in person. I’m genuinely just confused lol.

EDIT; Misspelling correction.

EDIT; This isn’t a rhetorical question either. I’m asking to understand essentially what the conversation entails and how I can better understand it from people who do. I already stated I don’t engage with stuff like this online since it can get heated very fast and straw away from the point. So obviously I’m not going to have much insight. And I understand/fully aware I am mixed and not fully black 👍. But as I said in my personal experience as of now, I haven’t necessarily been told otherwise either from people I’m actually surrounded by nor have I yet had an actual conversation about it. I could be interpreting or misunderstanding the conversation for what it actually means, so I would appreciate and prefer people to actually explain and redirect me.

Another post about hair but this time it isn’t a rant. How do you identify what hair type you have accurately? At this point I don’t even know, but I know for a fact it isn’t ranging from 1a-3a. If it helps a bit more, 2/4 parts of my background includes Jamaican & African American. My mom herself is mixed, her hair is curly but much more looser than mine. My hair is relatively tighter & thicker. I don’t know if there’s other things I need to consider to figure out my exact hair type. I just need help ASAP, especially because school is starting soon and I was thinking of doing my hair this time in a more natural style instead of getting braids done/a protective style. (I mainly get braids anyways, but I’m growing a bit tired of it and want something new.)

Title is a rhetorical question, but I just wanted to discuss something that has been bothering me lately and talk about it with others who relate.

I wouldn’t say I get mad at them (said comments), but it does make me a bit uncomfortable even if it is a joke. Because for a long time I have dealt with ignorance and texturism in regards to my hair from people within my community and outside of it. Fortunately it’s not all the time, but it still doesn’t feel good to receive comments, being touched, or being laughed at.

Shortly before I started middle school, my parents moved to a PWI (it has slowly became more diverse over the years, with people who are mainly Hispanic, African American, or those who are children of African immigrants from countries such as Liberia and Nigeria specifically.) But before that happened, I had uncomfortable experiences. People touching my hair or making comments about it. Sometimes it was other mixed kids themselves (who clearly were and still are struggling with self hate and 🦝nnery considering I go to HS with them) making comments about me. I have a lot of feelings about them because they want to be close in approximatey to whiteness and will bash their own people for praise and laughs, as long as they are accepted.

Moving on because I don’t want go into a rant about that, it all had obviously affected my self image and esteem about my hair. I was surrounded by it daily unlike occasional comments from family like; “You don’t want to straighten it? it’ll look better that way.”, “How do you deal with it? If I were you I would feel defeated.”, ”If I were you I would’ve cut it off.”, “Ugh, why is your hair so thick?”, “You have mutt hair.” (😐/🫩).

If I need to be specific; My mom is Romani, Jamaican, and German. (It makes me feel a bit uneasy to disclose this because people are very nasty and violent towards Roma. I didn’t want people pressing specifically what in the comments, although I know I’m not obligated to comply or share, but it makes the image a bit clearer). Being mixed herself, she struggled with hair care too, but not on the same level as me since her hair is wayyy more loose than mine. But she barely taught me a damn thing about taking care of my hair, at least she didn’t care enough to learn how to treat my specific hair type. So I had to learn how to do a lot by myself, starting at age 8/9.

In my later years, I’ve learned how to care for it and what I needed for me. As a kid, it was a struggle for both sides of the family to accommodate and a mystery to find out what I needed. Thank god that’s over. I also learned to appreciate and love my hair type more + my background, because people around me felt threatened and thought it was necessary to degrade me so they could feel superior (saying this part for the PWI part).

But it’d be a lie to say I don’t feel some kind of irritation whenever someone does comment still every once in awhile. Like wtf is mutt hair (ig 4A-4B is mutt like..) or what’s so funny about my hair type? However, I stopped entertaining it for my own sake since it just riles me up a lot.

Obviously ”Mutt” is supposed to be a jab (joking or not) against the fact I am mixed, but it feels more uncomfortable and dehumanizing than funny. I don’t like being compared to animals (monkey being one by either 🦝’s or a racist teenager who happens to be white, as these are my main run ins). But especially considering each ethnic group I belong to have individually been dehumanized and resorted to as less by treatment during some point in time and even now. Behavior like that contributes to different aspects of self hate including racial identity besides self image and physical appearance.

I notice it happens once or twice a month, unless that’s only the amount of times I remember it. I don’t know what’s allowed and what’s not allowed on this subreddit, so I’ll try to avoid going into too much detail. It wasn’t violent or extremely graphic, but nonetheless sad. Normally people would call it trauma for what I’ll describe later on, because those circumstances are and can indeed be traumatic. I think my mind blocked off those memories for a long time, I had no recollection of it until I got older. It doesn’t bother me, I don’t cry about it, but it’s not something I would freely talk about with just anybody. But I also think because of what happened shaped my views on things; like the ability to properly trust others or feel comfortable. It can be hard to bond with people, and I especially hate trauma bonding. it cringes me out.

As a kid and pre-teen, there had been manipulation done by my older male “cousins“ (not blood, thank god at least, they were the nephews of someone my mom was dating for a few years), and someone I thought was my friend. Again, I don’t know what’s allowed or not but the actual word starts with a ‘G’, I replaced it with manipulation since that was the only thing I could think of. It’s late where I’m at and I can’t really think properly right now. They tried to make.. advances but it wasn’t successful, thank god again. But the whole situation is just sad and sick, like I said before.

My dreams though, it does involve that power imbalance, the same one I experienced years ago. Usually an older man, and I’m back to my younger teenaged self. But the people who are the perpetrators in said dreams, are not the actual people who have done those things to me in person. Let alone faces I’ve at least seen before. The strange part? They appear as guys who are seemingly “my type”, (other times though they do look like the stereotypical creep) therefore they seem less threatening or less immediately dangerous. But why does this happen? And why does it play out like that? Why are they people who are appealing to me instead of the faces of actual people who had hurt me? I don’t really understand the deeper effects of ‘trauma‘ (I use quotes because I don’t like calling it trauma, even though in other people’s eyes it can be considered that. Yet again, people respond and act differently about such things. But truthfully I don’t know if it would be considered trauma, although they did try making unwanted advances before.)

Sorry mods if this is too much 😬, I‘m just extremely stuck on this. The reason why I even wrote was because I had another dream like this TODAY.

I’m just curious about what the experience of life is like for Romani women, such as the , expectations, hardships, the good, the beautiful, etc..

Before I get asked; I’m not a gadje, I’m part Austrian Sinti and Romungro. But I am trying to reconnect with the culture. I’m also asking because I am too a woman, and it could give me an idea of what I could be met with or go through. I see this is a learning moment to also understand the people a bit better, but no one is obligated to sharing.

Edit; As someone pointed out, it may vary depending on the people and the group. I had forgot to include this, but I understand. I am curious about any and all experiences. I should’ve been clearer 😅.

I wouldn't expect many replies because I understand that being taught the languages, especially to those who aren't Sinti or Roma, even if by ethnicity you are but are not culturally connected, can be hard to find someone willing to help or teach (because of racism and wanting protection). I am part Austrian Sinti though, because of the holocaust the culture and language was not properly passed down, the best form of protection my family thought would to be cutting off their cultural identities. Is there any sources, Facebook groups, books even, or someone comfortable with helping?

I was talking to my grandma today, she told me that she was only taught one phrase by her grandfather specifically (who is sinti, her grandmother was also sinti), she told me she had remembered him teaching her "Mehamia Gurmi". Either meaning Dirty Cow or Stupid cow, she doesnt remember between the two or if she spelt it correctly. I wouldn't be able to correct it because I don't know the language. Maybe this can help narrow down which dialect (?) they had spoken. I'd appreciate anything. Just as much as her, I want to really reconnect with something we were forced to loose.