r/mixedrace

Not to sound like an Elliot Rodger or anything (I hate incel culture) but I just cant help but feel like my dating life would be much better if I wasn't mixed. It's not like my dating life is entirely nonexistent (ive had girlfriends before) but man is it hard to date and not be anyone's preference, since youre well, mixed. Does anyone else feel the same way sometimes?

i would like to carefully preface this post by saying i in no way want to be a white person, i do not put whiteness on a pedestal, and i do not come from a background full of white people. i am just curious what other individuals in this sub with 1 white parent have to say on the topic.

as a biracial african american i grew up around mostly black americans and biracial people including my white mothers' siblings who are also black like me. as a kid and a teenager we really weren't allowed to say we were mixed without the "everybody is mixed" comments from monoracial cousins and peers. i am from the midwest where being biracial was extremely common and normal but we were still just black people with a white parent. as i reach my mid 20s i'm realizing that i truly do still see myself as that; a black person. even though i am visibly not a monoracial and i have had my ethnicity questioned by almost every stranger i still have a great chunk of my identity tied to the black american experience. when black people are mentioned i feel mentioned. when white people are mentioned i do not. i get offended by terms like "colored" and "blacks" and the usual slurs. the word mulatto doesn't offend me and i sometimes forget that i am one.

i recently started working in "pennsatucky" which is very far from home. i do not know a soul out here and i am experiencing a certain kind of treatment that is sort of solidifying how i see myself. i do not see myself as one of them and i can feel their staring. i started 'trolling' white people who ask my ethnicity at bars and at work and i just tell them "i have a white mom just like you". they look at me like i'm crazy but i asked myself today "is it really trolling if i am actually white?" i mean, i am technically half white right? that's what people tell us when it convenes them or the topic at hand. it's starting to feel like useless currency. i love my genetics. i love the way i look. i don't care about racists or their approval. but am i doing something wrong / am i lying to white people if i tell them i'm white when they insist on asking my background? if i'm allowed to tell people i'm black and not say anything else shouldn't i be able to do the inverse?

i cannot speak for other half white biracials but i do believe that being half white and half black is different than being half white and something else. i think being half black cancels out your 'whiteness'. there is no wiggle room for us to be both.... again, i cannot speak for anyone elses identity or personal experience.

my personal belief is that i don't think i'm actually a white person at all despite having a white mom and i think it's all about 'purity' to some people. i'm proud to be black and i'm genuinely curious if you would consider it lying to say you're white when you only have 1 white parent.

so are we really half white, or do we just have a white parent?

If the government classified race using only DNA ancestry, what contradictions or problems do you think would arise?

What I’m actually interested in is the underlying question of what race is based on. If a classification were based on DNA, should phenotype matter? Or if race is primarily about how society perceives someone, then does DNA matter at all?
I’m not advocating for a DNA-based system. I just find it interesting that genetic ancestry, visible appearance, and social identity don’t always align, and I’m curious how people think about those differences.

So maybe this is my algorithm, but I’ve noticed something. I personally lurk here nowadays and always sort my post view to have the newest posts on the top. It seems like these posts about feeling invalidated due to one’s phenotype are becoming more frequent. Some people may say social media isn’t real life or that the instances described only happens online, but we all know that’s a lie. What I’m wondering is — when it comes to posts venting about not being believed because they’re X presenting/assumed, which side tends to get more support? I’m curious to see what everyone else sees and we should definitely have a discussion about it.

OKAY, I DO NOT WANT TO COME OFF AS TONEDEAF, OR OVERLY PRIVILEGED:

I am a biracial (African American, and Caribbean + European) black person. My whole life I’ve identified as black, I was treated as such growing up, I have locs down my back etc..

I hate how light my skin is. Have yall seen Doja cat without makeup on? I genuinely match her almost always. I hate that there’s no brown tone to my skin, it’s very pale but radiates a very gold/yellow color in the sun. I wish I was darker and had brow to my complexion, it’s like a form of dysphoria how light I am.

Now I completely understand that I face much less discrimination in life because of my skin tone. I will never understand the discrimination that the rest of the black community faces when it comes towards colorism, that includes most lightskin people as well. My white Italian grandmother has a darker complexion than I do.

Should I just hit tanning beds and get skin cancer or what, I’d like to be more comfortable in my skin but I just honestly hate the color it is.

I was raised in central Europe and north-western Europe but my father is asian and his genetics did visibly dominate in my appearance. Both of my passports are European and I have no connection to the heritage from his side (atleast, I see them separate from myself). Therefore, am I to label myself as "white" or "wasian"? I am not very good with terms so I apologise if this is a stupid question.

This is probably the most annoying thing to me regarding my race, but I (mixed black and white). have been compared to Zendaya multiple times. nothing wrong with zendaya, but some act like ALL mixed women look like her for some reason, comparing us even when we look NOTHING like her lmaoo.
this happened just yesterday at a 4 of July party, its just really annoying.

My grandfather is indigenous Guatemalan/Mayan, and the rest of my close heritage is white. I can show a picture of myself, I’m pale with 3C hair, and get asked sometimes if I’m mixed, and tell them I’m 3/4 white 1/4 Hispanic/indigenous. I don’t know if I’m “enough” to call myself mixed, since I’m only quarter mixed and not half and half or a variety of races.

this is mainly for my half white folks since whiteness is inherently exclusive

as a black biracial with a white mom i have noticed certain personality traits that i picked up from her. as i'm getting older and getting more experience with dating my whiteness gets brought up a lot with the guys i date. i only date other black men but i'm picking up on a pattern where the guy i'm talking to will point out when i get something from my "white side" and it's usually just something he doesn't like about me or something he finds cringy. this has happened with multiple guys and i'm only 24. i never considered that i was in interracial couples but if my "whiteness" is so apparent would me dating monoracial black men be considered interracial dating if i've always identified as black myself??

obviously me dating white men would be considered that even though we both would have been popped out of a white woman. do any other half-white biracials have this dilemma?

I’m just curious to know what everyone else’s experiences have been in the dating field as a biracial. Have you had more interest from white, black or mixed race people? Have you found dating hard or easy?

After spending my entire life, so far being ostracized, isolated, bullied, and treated like in other, I never understood it even my brothers and sisters, who are also mixed race had to go through the same thing, but whenever I would tell anyone else in the black community about my experiences or how I myself in black they would always tell me that I’m not black and then I could not possibly be going through those experiences because being mixed races a privilege that people are supposed to so called be worshipping us and everybody supposed to be nice to us but I’ve never seen that in my life and I don’t know what privilege there is in being mixed when none of your races that you’re mixed with will accept you your classmates beat you up because you’re so-called white if you decide to date guys tend to treat you like a kink and attempt to use and abuse you for no reason you get isolated bullied fought and treated like a other because your mom and dad decided to love each other or just have a one night stand like mines but after being here for a while, I’m starting to see that we’re all going through the same thing and that I’m definitely not crazy and this place is offering so much healing after feeling like the only one for a long time I’m glad I’ve found my tribe when I didn’t have one for 33 years and I hope that the day that all of humanity is all mixed up like us comes soon so we are just one people with one goal to be better as humanity

Keep being strong sisters brothers and siblings soon the world will change

With the growing number of monoraical trolls and their agents constantly gaslighting mixed race people's experiences for monoracial acceptance... should there be a subreddit that requires identity verification? there are many subreddits that practice this.. how would you feel about it?

my dad told horrible stories about my biological grandfathers family and ancestors growing up. (i think these stories were either exaggerated or not true; too gruesome ) essentially justifying genocide by characterizing them in the stereotypical way

and i just wondering how many ppl dealt with similar where it put you

i know for me it wasn't verbal but i had a lot of shame about my heritage by the time i was an adolescent.

Hi everyone,
My 12-year-old daughter has extremely dense 3B curls, and we’re considering a keratin or smoothing treatment.

She doesn’t want straight hair or to lose her curls—she loves being curly. The challenge is that her hair is so incredibly thick and dense that it’s becoming difficult for her to manage on her own.
Our hope is that a treatment would keep her curls while making her hair easier to brush and detangle, reducing the bulk, puffiness and overall volume, cutting down on frizz, and making it much easier for her to style independently. Ideally, she’d be able to wash it, let it air dry naturally, and still have beautiful curls—just softer, less bulky and easier to manage.

I’d love to hear from anyone with similar dense 3B or 3C curls who has had a keratin or smoothing treatment. Did it keep your curls? How much did it reduce the bulk and volume? Did it make wash days and styling significantly easier? Could you still wear it naturally curly every day? Which treatment did you have?

If you have any before-and-after photos of your hair air dried naturally, I’d be so grateful if you’d be willing to share them.

We’re not looking to straighten her hair—just to make her beautiful curls easier for her to manage herself. Any honest experiences, recommendations or photos would be hugely appreciated. Thank you! ❤️

i know this might not seem deep but it’s really affecting me right now and i don’t know what to do anymore. i am biracial (my mom was black and my dad is white). i grew up in a predominantly white area in Europe and seeing black or mixed people was and still is very rare. as a kid, i got used to hearing white people making comments on my skin tone or my hair and even calling me the N word and i still get called the hard R in high school. the problem is all of my friends are white and all of them have at least called me the N word once or joked about my appearance including my best friend of 8 years. what nobody seems to understand is that every time they call me stuff like that and joke about me, i tend to become more and more distant with them. it is extremely isolating knowing that i can’t talk about it to anyone and that only my online friends seem to understand.
has anyone else been in this type of situation or is it really just me? am i overreacting? ://

you can at least have some class when people engage with them. nothing is subjective about pointing out that society operates on how they perceive you and not everyone is going to agree with you. also, nothing is weird about asking what outcomes you’re looking to get out of your post. jeez.