u/johnjohnnycake

I mean, I've been calling myself that my entire life because my adopted white family told me I was, based on my appearance, and both my biological parents identify as black, so it just made sense. In America, I'm a black man, and I was really comfortable with that, and I started to fairly recently develop a certain level of pride in my blackness, despite not being raised by/around black people.

But I've recently had a really internally devastating and mourning experience you might see on my post history, where I learned that not everyone in the world thinks I'm black, because I'm technically mixed race (6/7 African, 1/7 white) and fairly light/brown skin (think Tyrell Jackson Williams from Lab Rats, I look just like him actually). I then learned about colourism, learned that light-skinned people like me are actively causing harm to the black community by calling ourselves such, and that a lot of fully black people, or at least dark-skinned people, especially dark-skinned women, don't like us, and that has at least internally shattered my world. I no longer feel comfortable identifying as black anymore, and now that I know what I know, I can't look at other black identifying people the same. I'm now always comparing my skin colour to full-blooded Africans and internally overanalyzing Black Americans when I come across them

It's devastating to me because I liked identifying as a "black" American. It felt so cool to be part of a group of people with a history of resilience, community, creativity, and strength, and a pride like no one else. I liked feeling like I was just inherently "cool" and "beautiful" just for being "black." I wanted to learn more about my ancestry and my lineage's history, but now that I know what I know, I can't help but hyper-fixate on my white ancestors and how their blood is now in me, preventing me from achieving "full" blackness. I feel angry at them, and considering I don't think my paternal white ancestors were slave owners, I can't help but feel angry at those black ancestors for intentionally "robbing" me of full blackness. Every time I see a biracial child of a mixed race family, I can't help but feel "bad," which I know is just ridiculous to hear. There's nothing wrong with being mixed race

But I wish I was black. I wish I was darkskin. I wish I had fully black features. I feel like something was taken from me. I don't WANT to identify as "mixed race." Mixed race doesn't mean anything to me. You can be mixed of ANY race in different percentages. It's not a single identifiable group. I want to be BLACK....but now I can't. I hate my light skin, I hate my pink lips, I hate anything about me that strips me of full blackness.

If you look at my post history, you'll see that I dash primarily in the Olympia WA area. That section is ALWAYS active nearly at all times. It's a decent area because it's heavily populated top to bottom, and there's apartments close to the restaurants, of which there are many, so I'd consider this a pretty decent market to dash in.

So why do I have some days where doordash doesn't wanna give me ANY offers there, when I KNOW there's still dashing activity in the area?

I'm not just getting bad offers, I'm getting NONE! Nothing at all sometimes. It gets so bad to the point where I have to relocate to another zone and try there.

I've noticed this most nights. If I work from 4-8, everything is fine and normally active. But as SOON as 9 o clock hits, all of a sudden, it's as if everyone in the area miraculously decided they aren't hungry anymore and offers disappear, sometimes up to an entire hour. Doordash still lets me "dash" the area, it's not greyed out, so I can be "active," but no offers will come up, and I'm just sitting there wasting my time.

I've tried restarting my app by force closing it, I've tried deleting/reinstalling the app, I've several times tried ending the dash then resetting it but nothing would change.

What is going on? Anyone have an explanation?

Speaking as an American person of African descent about other American people specifically of African descent, in my view, "colourism" isn't a real thing (I feel the same about "featurism" and "texturism," so when I refer to "colourism," I include those as well). What we describe as the phenomenon where lighter skinned people are treated better than darker skinned people, to me is simply just racism between mixed and black people.

We already have terms like "mixed" and "light-skinned," which is already a form of "othering" in the black community. Clearly we all recognize there's a clear difference between the two in appearance and lived experience. I don't think it's an out-there idea to commit to that difference.

The only reason mixed people are ever considered "black" in America is because of the one-drop rule, something we all know is beyond outdated at this point in time. Most other countries outside the US already recognize the difference, so there's no excuse for the US to not be caught up (not really surprising since the US isn't even caught up on education, healthcare, gun control, government regulation, metric system etc. lmao)

Dark skinned fully African-descended people do not deserve to be sharing the same racial category as people who don't look fully like them and who don't even go through close the same experiences as them, and they certainly don't deserve to be represented by biracials/lightskins on television or have biracial/lightskin people chosen over them for portraying black characters under the false guise of "they're both black, we just chose the better actor/actress" No. They aren't the same thing and they're being chosen off of complexion, not talent.

And mixed people don't deserve to be "one -drop-ruled" into black spaces, only to be treated differently in said spaces because they very clearly aren't the same as the people in the space they were forced into, because all this usually results in is identity crises. They don't deserve to be forced to "pick sides" and have to deny or irrelvantize any of their ancestry. They deserve to represent their own experience. Mixed people, especially biracials, deserve to tell their own stories on their experiences, not be the face of someone else's. And last, I even think it'd be beneficial for mixed people to have their own space to connect and form bonds with others of shared experience. Why can people of monoracial backgrounds have this, but not mixed people?

The "one-drop" rule was made up by white people to expand oppression. American society's continued social use of the one-drop rule is upholding white racist practices. Sure, white people certainly treated biracial/mixed people better than full Africans, but they still oppressed them. This isn't unique to mixed people either. White people historically oppress(ed) ALL people of colour, from all races, but we recognize all those other races as different from each other. Mixed people are just as much a valid racial group as any monoracial group.

I feel like American society pedestalizes monoracially at the expense of multiracial people. If you share enough phenotypical features with a monoracial group, you're automatically put into that group with zero regard for any nuance about the topic.

This is my current opinion based off what I know. I'd like to hear more perspectives on this from other people. Unlike a lot of "changemymind" posters on reddit, MY mind is to an extent actually subject to change quite a bit.

I (27M) don't know why I suddenly can't sleep. Thankfully, this just started. It started last night, when I tried sleeping, but spent several hours tossing and turning with my eyes closed while being fully awake.

Its currently 5:21 am, I've been trying to sleep since 2:30, and I'm not even slightly tired. I've tried putting in music or a long video, both of which usually put me to sleep, I've darkened the room more, but that isn't working either.

I wanna say that maybe it's stress, but I'm not stressed right now. Not anymore than usual, and even then, it shouldn't be enough to completely knock out my sleep.

I frequent this subreddit often, but this time I'm back, with something more severe.

So, my twitching is the same as usual, random and happens throughout the body but concentrated on my right side. But this time, I have even *more* concentrated twitching and even involuntary jerking of my right index toe. It just moves and vibrates on its own. I'm having a hard time getting it to happen consistently. I used to think it happened when my foot was at rest, but that isn't the case.

The more severe issue just occurred last night and is affecting me tonight as well. I can't sleep anymore, at all. It's very sudden. Last night, I spent a lot of time in bed with my eyes closed, tossing and turning but never actually falling asleep, and when I eventually got out of bed, I was totally awake. Not even a hint of sleepiness.

I suspected it may be stress, but I go through stress all the time, and it *never* affects my sleep, certainly not this much. Usually that's due to me staying up worrying about things, but I'm not doing that anymore. I'm not currently under a lot of stress, and I have nothing to be reflecting on. Usually, going to sleep actually helps relieve My stress, which is why sometimes I take a nap when I'm overwhelmed.

My brain is empty when I'm trying to sleep. I tried putting on music or a long video essay which usually puts me to sleep too, but now for a second night in a row, I can NOT sleep. Not even a little bit.

Now is the time for me to be worried. I like most living creatures love my sleep, and need it for function, so to suddenly not be able to do so is extremely concerning.

Anyone have thoughts?

I used to identify as "black," that is until I learned that the world doesn't seem to agree that lightskinned = black anymore. People like me choosing to call ourselves "black" also apparently does more harm to dark skinned unmixed black people than I probably care to admit.

And honestly, racial identification never really affected my life like it does for other people. And race is a social construct anyway. It isn't real. Technically the only "race" that exists is homo-sapien, the other human "races" died out thousands of years ago, and even then, they could still reproduce with us, so it didn't make a difference anyways.

I don't wanna identify as "mixed race" either because that's too vague. WHAT mixture of races? If I didn't do a DNA test, how would people know what exact mixture I am, or how many races live on inside me? Am I black+white? And I Blasian? Am I black+Hispanic? Black+Native? What about 3 or more races inside me? Also, even if I knew what mixture, claiming either or or both races is a shallow attempt at gaining proximity to either when I don't belong in either, so it's a wasted effort.

So, race isn't real, the only reason I'd have for identifying with any of them is for social reasons, reasons that do not apply to me or add any value to me, and identifying as "mixed race" is the equivalent to saying nothing.

I have thereby concluded that racial categorization doesn't apply to me anymore. I'll just be human. Race categories on fill-out forms be damned!

This is really starting to frighten me.

For the past two days, every time I redownload Grindr and boot it up, I hear like an acapella version of the song "Unwritten" starting from the pre-chorus randomly and LOUDLY playing. If I close the app or delete it, it goes away. I don't know where this is coming from.

Anyone got an idea so I can stop it?