r/romani

My Nana used to say she was a Gyps**
We are English/Australian (my dad is eng/rom)
As a kid I of course thought she said that to be funny, as I hadn't been told anything apart from being english. Nana never delved into her history.
I'm now quite aware Nana was Romani.
I don't know what I want to find out, she was born in 1912. Married an English bloke
Her olive skin has been passed on (not by me, but my blessed cousins)
I suppose I'm wondering what the history of Romani people are and how they got to the UK and further and any of their customs/traditions I can look into, to try and continue in some way

Nana never passed any Romani culture on. It seemingly stopped with her apart from her saying she was a gyp

Greetings everyone!

Some time ago I made this post https://www.reddit.com/r/romani/s/dy10fGawHD
which was in response to a conversation in the comments on another post (https://www.reddit.com/r/romani/s/fC4KUOSc0m).

Maybe I’m writing this for myself and people like me (mixed Roma and Gadje) or maybe for anyone who found out they have Roma ancestry after a DNA test. After all, many Roma children were placed into orphanages (an exceptionally high number in Romania), and some lucky ones were adopted and live now better than if they were raised as wards of the state. Still, many are seeking answers to the depths of who they are.

In certain aspects, some members of this group aren’t too different from some of my Roma relatives when it comes to defining who is Roma and who is gadje.

My venting comes about because of a comment saying “you can’t be Roma alone,” followed by a one-sided perception of Roma identity. I bet this isn't something that irks me alone.

The reality is that the Roma identity doesn’t end with the beliefs and choices of a couple of Romano patriarchs and the members of that tight-knit group(s).

Sure, sure, based on those beliefs, any Roma married to a gadje and subsequently their children “stop being Roma” because [insert whatever Roma cultural belief and tradition that defines it]. These arguments also apply to all Roma adoptees raised by Gadje families and completely separate from the Rom culture.

The reality, and thus the truth, is that we may have left or been born outside the culture, but the blood and anything tied to it don’t change. That’s the other half of our identity’s story.

The blood, the cells, the genes —they hold history; they tell a story, and that same story is kept alive by any gadje aware of our origins.

- Do you think my gadje parent and their gadje family ever cared what the Roma people think of my Roma parent who married outside of the community? NOPE

- Do you think that a mixed gadje and Roma child born outside of the Roma community and its culture, stops being one, and thus stops being treated like one because deep in your heart you truly believe what your Romano elders taught you about who is and who isn’t Roma? NIET

As long as they existed, my Roma parent was reminded every single day who they were and what people assumed and expected from them. My Roma parent was very proud of their Roma culture. Loving and marrying a gadje was more of a happenstance than wanting to stop being Roma.

On the other hand, while growing up, there was no day in my life when everyone in the gadje “village” that raised me did not treat me like gadjes treat Roma people, or expect me to behave a certain way based on my Roma side.

Even to this day, as “gadje” as I am in the eyes of some, I have to worry or be mindful of whom I disclose my Roma identity to. Because that’s the thing: no wishful thinking of a staunch Romano culture purity defender can erase that identity from the minds of anyone who would choose to define me solely by one side of my family.

I'm so Roma that my Roma family name is still an Indian surname. I can't even pass as mixed Romanian only, because of that surname. But alright, to the purists I raise a glass of Prosecco and toast to their magic thinking, and to the people who are grounded in the year of our Lord 2026, I raise the entire bottle.

Salut!

P.S.: No Roma is ever alone. The gadje policing is so hard and heavy that all of us have a version of it in our own minds. For Liberation!

I'm trying to do a fancast for two Romani Comic Book characters from Marvel and I don't know many Romani actors who could play the roles of Wanda Maximoff/Scarlet Witch and Pietro Maximoff/Quicksilver.

Any ideas? Hopefully this post is okay.

Sar san shabojale, o Del te suntzoltumen sabojen, kerau cado post te phenautumenge que si te ansuriman, o Del tradiamange iek yubli suntzome ay yi cai prinyardemla aliarau iek vecelia shukar ande mujo ilo.

Me ancliau cadala shobojasa yi cai sasma yeshu-sou borsh ay voi vishta-star, naklo iek borsh ay dopash ay acanara sam yeshu-efta ay vishta-painsh bershengo.

Me gata dem duma muje familiasa ay phendem que camau te laula, acana trubulma te kerau butzi ay te chidau lobe pala o kher, le pojtana, ay te keras e komnata amari, pe painsh o sou shon si te nashabaula, yanau que mujo traio si te paguyol sa, ay aliarau que con e szor ay e pacha le Devleske sai keraules.

Numa camabas te phenautumenge cado sostar aliarabas que tumen trobun te ashunen cado so si te phenau acana, o Del kerdia baro mischimos ande mujo traio, de iek borsh parpale nas mange misto, szalibas but ay perabas, yabas ca le spiti ay le docstoria phenenas yeli yungale, sasma baro pharimos ay joly le Devlesa ande codola bramia, aliarabas que sas te merau ay mujo traio getolas.

Nasma vecelia, chi dikhabas codo baz le Devlesko cai me mangavas, aliarabas que chi ashunelas mujo guyimos, traibas ando necazo ay ando tuniariko, ay numa ande iek yes o Del sastardiama ay sikhadiama lesko camlimos, ay vi tradiamange ca muji yubli, ay astardia te avel vediaria ande mujo traio.

Me kerau cado post cas te dikhes cado so phenau, me chi yanau cho traio, chi yanau so avela naklian, chi yanau so situke, chi yanau chi dukh ay cho guindo, ferdi o Del yaneltut, ay ferdi vo sai sastiareltut, me yanau que sar paguya vo mujo traio, vo si te kerel nevo traio ande o chiro, avela aliares que vo chi ashuneltut ay nai pasa tute, ay nai cadia, ferdi vo si pasa tute, ferdi vo yanel so situ ay so trobul te kerel tusa, pachatuke anda o Del ay mek sa so situ anda leske baz, tut shoga san korkojo, na bister codo. 🩷🙏🏻

I wanted to give everyone a personal/mod update about where I’m at with this community and what I realistically have the capacity for right now.

I love being Romani. I love our culture, history, art, people, and the enormous variety within our community.

What I do not love is watching us cannibalize our own community through gatekeeping, purity tests, and arguments over who is or is not “Romani enough.” I especially don’t want people feeling alienated, intimidated, or afraid to participate because they expect their identity or family history to be scrutinized.

Adoption, assimilation, family secrecy, discrimination, migration, foster care, language loss, and other circumstances have separated many Roma from parts of their heritage. Growing up disconnected from Romani community does not make someone a cosplayer or automatically make them less Romani. People with Romani ancestry have a right to learn about and reconnect with their culture without being expected to provide strangers with DNA percentages, genealogy, clan information, adoption records, or a detailed account of their upbringing.

At the same time, Romani is an ethnic and cultural identity, not an aesthetic or roleplay identity that someone can simply choose to adopt. Those two positions are not contradictory.

This subreddit should be a place to celebrate Romani people, culture, accomplishments, businesses, history, and community - not a place where members routinely scrutinize one another’s percentages, adoption history, assimilation, marriage, language fluency, or upbringing.

Lately, moderating these issues has become exhausting for me. Outside Reddit, I’m also dealing with several chronic health conditions, medication adjustments, and the daily work of training my service dog. I have limited physical and emotional energy, and I don’t want to keep spending so much of it refereeing the same identity arguments.

So I’m going to do what I’ve jokingly started calling “compromise and archive myself.”

I am not resigning as a moderator, and I’m not disappearing. I’ll retain my position and may step in when something genuinely requires attention, but for the foreseeable future I’ll be more of a ghost mod. I’m stepping away from routine arguments, lengthy moderation disputes, and the day-to-day ideological fighting that has become draining.

I still care deeply about this subreddit. I just need some distance from the parts of moderation that are making my relationship with my own culture feel increasingly tied to stress and burnout.

I’ve also started creating a small Discord community called Romani Roots and Roses. 🌹

It is not intended to be a rival subreddit, political faction, or “anti-r/Romani” space. It is simply a Romani-centered community focused on culture, learning, reconnection, creativity, mutual support, and joy.

The basic philosophy is:

• No gatekeeping or identity witch hunts.
• No demanding that members prove their ancestry, upbringing, language ability, or family circumstances.
• Romani are not a monolith; differences in culture, belief, experience, and background should be respected.
• LGBTQIA+, disabled, neurodivergent, adopted, assimilated, and reconnecting Roma are welcome.
• Respectful allies are welcome, with the understanding that Romani voices and experiences remain centered.
• Difficult or sensitive subjects can be discussed, but another member’s basic right to belong is not a debate topic.

My hope is that it feels less like a debate hall and more like a kitchen table.

Sometimes community should just mean sharing music, learning something, showing off your art, celebrating an accomplishment, helping someone find a resource, talking about family, or posting your dog.

For now, I mainly wanted everyone to know where I’m at. I’m still here and I still care about this community. I’m simply changing how much of myself I can give to moderation and putting more of that energy toward the parts of being Romani that actually bring me joy. 🌹

https://discord.gg/VU9jZ3eBND

I genuinely don't care if you like me or hate me. I NEVER expect everyone to get along 100%. That's just the way life is.

Hi, I'm an American and trying to be a writer for science fiction. I just want to ask if there are lesser known stereotypes that might be well known outside the United States; so I can keep them in mind when writing ideas for cultures or stories when I am working and not land on anything too close to something negative or sacred? Asking since I write a lot of cultures and in turn some will inevitably resemble some other cultures in some minor ways, I just want to avoid explicit duplicates.

Edit: I am not talking about writing on roma characters but rather writing cultures which may end up accidentally sharing features. For instance nomadic cultures, cultures which have faced hardships in history, or cultures which have a history of joining their traditions with those of one or many other cultures. I would not be touching Romani traditions, I simply want to make sure I don't come to a stereotype by convergent evolution of thinking.

Edit 2: shoulda taken more time really writing down the question well the first time. Apologies.

My bf is Romani for some context, and he's reminding me of the fact that one day, he has to get married when his parents find him a wife. Now his grandpa is dying due to cancer, so now they're rushing for him to marry so his grandpa can see him get married. We really like to be together romantically, but I'm starting to second guess things. I'm not romani, I'm gullah geechee. I keep overthinking this trying to see if there's a way to stay with him, and when we first started dating, this constantly made me overthink and break my skin out. Now I'm overthinking it again, but now I'm starting to wonder if we should just go back to being friends. We're in high school, and my mom is letting me know that I'm still young and there will be plenty of other guys out there for me. I guess I'm just genuinely sad about this because he's genuinely a kind, funny guy, and we greatly enjoy eachothers company. Now, his brother( 11 months younger than him) is attending our school just a year below us. And he asked me in the hallway if I could make sure nobody mentions it to his brother. I said no, which I'm kinda proud of. I've been putting his needs before mine, honestly, keeping us a secret. Now I feel like I should just cut it off. Don't get me wrong, I am fond of him and even would say I grew to love him. But I feel like everything is one-sided. My family knows about him, my friends know about him. It's really only me who's being kept a secret. And what if I'm just being selfish and preventing him from a happy marriage one day. I want to get some opinions from other romani people as I feel like you guys would also help me know how to move forward in this situation im in. I really do like him, but with what's going on, I really think I deserve better. But I also want to be with him specially. Can you guys help??

(We're in high school, btw)

Edit: I've made the decision to end things, I really don't want to. But it's probably going to specifically save me the time. I've already had talks with him about the whole marriage thing he hates it to, but ultimately, he says that he'll listen to his parents. And to be honest, maybe I was just in over my head. Being more involved in our relationship than him really took a toll on me. I always wondered if I did anything wrong or maybe if I was doing something wrong, and even making this post, I'm wondering if I'm just being harsh, especially because the school year started again. But something in the back of my mind is telling me to just let it go. I know not many replies are on my post, but even then, they were really helpful in coming to my decision. I don't feel any hatred or dislike twoards him just realization that we likely wouldn't work out. We aren't even seniors yet, and I got over my head. I don't wanna let this go, but maybe someone will come around. And love me fully, where I'm not a secret because I'm of a different ethnic group. I can only hope I'm making the right choice.

And this is low-key, probably the best, considering I posted on my ig that I'm single now, so... I chose me and my wellbeing guys <3, and I'm kinda glad to make this decision.

Edit 2: we both decided to be friends despite knowing we still like each other. Mainly because his brother attends school with us now. If it wasn't for that factor, we'd probably just figure it out like we did last year. But we're still friends because we started out as friends, so being friends isn't an issue at all. But he hates the fact he feels like he can't make his own decisions when it comes to his relationships, and I also hated overthinking things, so I guess this is the best compromise we have. Unless there's some miracle from heaven itself, this is really the only option for us.

Also! I had no idea there's so many subgroups of the roma people. He's never told me anything about him being from a specific group. But I never really asked cause I didn't want him to think I was just trying to force him to tell me everything. From what he has told me, his parents aren't strictly traditional but are more of a blend and have a more integrated mindset, kinda the same with my family and elders. For me, it's more so the elders that are like above 50 that are more traditional and more on us younger generations about certain things. And his grandpa isn't necessarily traditional himself either from what he's told me. His family isn't strictly traditional, but truly, I don't mean to sound arrogant or anything. But maybe I can ask him next week because his dad took his phone and give you guys an update. So that I can also know how to better handle this myself if I had some context to this. Although him and his dad work with scrap, he plans to study technology if he can. Sorry guys, I'm not too familiar with certain customs I'll my best to do my own research :)

Does anybody know any Romani owned businesses? Every time I try to search or find any, I only ever come across gadje owned businesses who make “g-word inspired“ items along with many other stereotypical adjectives in the items bio. (witch, boho, tarot reader, etc..). It’s really annoying lol.