u/Mushy_Alpaca_4159

Hi everyone. I (25F) am feeling completely stuck, exhausted, and honestly a bit shaken after a conversation with my husband (27M), and I really need some outside perspective to clear my head.

​To give some background: we generally have a good relationship, and I get along very well with his sister. Daytime outings, like going shopping or running errands together, are totally fine and approved by him.

​The problem arises the moment we talk about going to a bar or getting a drink in the evening. Whenever I bring up going out to a bar with his own sister, he absolutely loses it.

​When I pushed back and asked why it's such a huge issue, his exact reasoning was that it is "disrespectful to him as a man."

​I am struggling to wrap my head around this logic. It’s not another man, it’s his sister. We just want to unwind, have a drink, and chat. But to him, my desire to have a normal social life in an evening setting is a direct threat to his dignity and manhood.

​It feels like control disguised as "respect." If my freedom to have a drink with his family member is conditional and triggers a meltdown, where does that leave me?

​Has anyone dealt with a partner who equates normal autonomy and going out with "disrespect"? How did you handle it, and how do you stop second-guessing yourself when you're told you're being a bad/disrespectful partner just for wanting to exist outside the house?

Hello,

Using a throwaway because my husband is chronically on Reddit. I honestly don't know what to do anymore and I need some perspective, because I feel like I'm losing my mind.

In relationship for 7 years and married almost 4. I [26F] was doing my master’s degree in medicine (on track to become a doctor) while simultaneously working part-time. It has been exhausting, but I never complained once. ​Because I love my husband [27M] and wanted to prove my devotion to him, I have been picking up every single bit of slack in our day-to-day life. I do 90% of the cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, and cooking (except for Saturday, which is our designated pizza night). I wanted to support him in every step of his life and always wished for the absolute best for him. ​But over the last year, instead of being proud of me or supportive, he has become insanely jealous and skeptical. ​It started with him nagging and acting suspicious whenever I want to go out with my friends. Then it trickled down to my basic hygiene and self-care. If I get a simple manicure, pedicure, or get my eyebrows done, it’s a whole interrogation. I don’t even wear a lot of makeup, but if I do my brows, put on mascara, and cover a few acne spots—mind you, not for a party, just for a normal day—he starts questioning me about why I'm doing it and who I'm doing it for. ​I have bent over backward for years to be the perfect, supportive, hardworking wife while building a literal medical career. I have given him zero reasons to doubt me. I really don’t know what else I could possibly do to make this better or assure him. ​Is he insecure because I'm about to become a doctor? Is he projecting? The drama is high, my energy is low, and I just need some advice.

TL;DR: I (26F) did 100% of the chores for 4 years while working part-time and finishing medical school. Husband (27M) has rewarded my dedication by becoming insanely jealous over me going out with friends, getting my eyebrows done, and wearing mascara.

Hello fellow potatoes,

Using a throwaway because my husband is chronically on Reddit. I honestly don't know what to do anymore and I need some perspective, because I feel like I'm losing my mind. ​For the last 4 years, I (26F) have been busting my absolute ass. I was doing my master’s degree in medicine (on track to become a doctor) while simultaneously working part-time. It has been exhausting, but I never complained once. ​Because I love my husband (27M) and wanted to prove my devotion to him, I have been picking up every single bit of slack in our day-to-day life. I do 90% of the cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, and cooking (except for Saturday, which is our designated pizza night). I wanted to support him in every step of his life and always wished for the absolute best for him. ​But over the last year, instead of being proud of me or supportive, he has become insanely jealous and skeptical. ​It started with him nagging and acting suspicious whenever I want to go out with my friends. Then it trickled down to my basic hygiene and self-care. If I get a simple manicure, pedicure, or get my eyebrows done, it’s a whole interrogation. I don’t even wear a lot of makeup, but if I do my brows, put on mascara, and cover a few acne spots—mind you, not for a party, just for a normal day—he starts questioning me about why I'm doing it and who I'm doing it for. ​I have bent over backward for years to be the perfect, supportive, hardworking wife while building a literal medical career. I have given him zero reasons to doubt me. I really don’t know what else I could possibly do to make this better or assure him. ​Is he insecure because I'm about to become a doctor? Is he projecting his own insecurities? The drama is high, my energy is low, and I just need some advice.

Edit.

I know you can’t easily summarize 5 years of a relationship in one post, so here is some more context (also, please excuse any typos, English is my second language!):

We met when he was finishing his studies. Since then, he has always worked a standard 40-hour work week. Some of his shifts used to be in the evenings, but now he permanently works from home. After work, he spends almost all of his time playing video games with his single friends.

Meanwhile, throughout our relationship, I’ve changed a few jobs. Between my medical studies and work, my days would often last from 7:00 AM until 11:00 PM. On top of all that, for the past year, I have also been studying a third language—Italian. During my recent internship rotations before graduation, I even had to do night shifts at the hospital. Honestly, I’ve been running on constant sleep deprivation, coffee, and adrenaline. He usually doesn’t complain about my actual work hours.

We live in an apartment, so there are no outdoor chores. However, he only does things around the house after I’ve already done everything else. For example, if I put the clothes in the washing machine but we can't run it at night due to time limits, he will be the one to start the cycle the next day, but that's about it. In all 5 years together, the only time we've been completely apart was for 2 months when I went on an Erasmus exchange to Croatia.

To clarify a few things from the DM: he does not track me physically or use spy software. He also doesn't struggle with mental illness, drugs, or heavy alcohol use.