u/Mysterious-Clock-663

I have a medical condition that could possibly lead to endometrial cancer. I'm trying to pursue a hysterectomy and vnectomy but I haven't really medically transitioned yet. I haven't exactly socially transitioned. I'm not out at my current job but I'm out to close friends and some family members. I wear men's clothes and am somewhat androgynous due to my condition. I don't really know if they will consider me not to be transitioned enough to get a hysterectomy and vnectomy. Does anyone know if that will be a problem I run into? Do they allow hysto / vnectomy at the same time? It's the worst of my dysphoria and would be a massive relief to have it gone. I have a feeling they might require a biopsy pre op. Does anyone know if they would let me be under anesthesia for that? Does anyone know what their BMI requirements for hysto/ vnectomy is? Would it be the same as phallo or meta? I can find info about that on their website but not really specifically about this. Generally how do they handle trans patients? Has anyone had any bad experiences with them or anything I should be aware of?

I don't have any dating experience. I've always avoided relationships with men because I thought using what I was born with was my only option. The thought of having to do that has always made me sick to my stomach. The reaction to gay trans men online seems to always be either "ew v is disgusting" or "oh yeah Id totally fuck a guy with a v". Either way it feels creepy to me. I hate hearing my parts talked about like that. I hate being limited and reduced to that part of my body. It's deeply disturbing to me that it's there and I hate being constantly reminded of it. I don't want to have sex that way. It would be hell for me. I don't know how to handle dudes treating me like that in real life. Is this something you have to deal with in person? How do you do that without losing your shit on someone? How do I get over the paranoia that I'm going to be forced to do something I don't want to do?

I've put off going on t in part because I won't be able to treat atrophy due to dysphoria. I don't do any kind of penetration due to dysphoria. I don't think I need to worry about anything related to that. My thought is I could get a hysterectomy before starting t to avoid cramping, drink cranberry juice to prevent UTIs, and stay on top of hygiene/ washing daily to prevent infection. Would this actually stop symptoms from affecting me? Is this a really dumb idea or would it work?

TW pre op anatomy talk

Last week I had an appointment at planned parenthood for hrt. I have PCOS and refused to take estrogen. I haven't had a period in 8 years with PCOS which means I probably have endometrial hyperplasia and am at high risk for uterine cancer. After the appointment they told me I would need to get an endometrial biopsy before I could start t. I told them I couldn't be awake for it. My nurse practitioner said that I could do it under sedation. I was relieved until I looked up sedation and realized all it would do is relax me or make me tired. I would still be awake. I would still be able to feel the speculum. I would still be aware that someone was seeing, touching, and putting things inside that part of my body. Sedation isn't enough. I can't do it. I guess I got it confused for general anesthesia. The more I look at anesthesia it's not reasonable to ask for that and there is no way they would give it to me. I get why they are requiring a biopsy but forcing me to go through sexual trauma to get on hormones is so fucked. On top of that I won't be able to treat atrophy. I asked at the appointment if it would affect me if I wasn't sexually active. I maybe should have been more clear what I meant by that but either way she didn't really want to answer my questions about it idk why. All she told me was that if it became a problem it was easily treatable and wouldn't interfere with my transition. All I knew at the time was that it made you dry. I looked it up later and it can potentially get much worse than dryness if you don't treat it. I knew about estrogen cream before the appointment and I knew I wouldn't be able to use it due to dysphoria which is why I asked. I'm genuinely pissed she refused to answer my question and wouldn't tell me anything about atrophy. I haven't been able to find any treatment I could use. I've tried to get used to touching that part of my body and I could feel myself taking psychic damage. I know that sounds stupid but it's the best way I can describe it. If I have to do it constantly, if I have to put anything in there it's genuinely going to fuck me up mentally. I'm going to try to get a hysterectomy and a vaganectomy but I'm not feeling super optimistic. I don't live in an area with a lot of options for gender affirming care and I don't know if I can find someone to help me through recovery. I'm having a hard time not feeling like they would find some reason to not let me get surgery. I hate doctors. Why did I have to find so much information on my own instead of just being able to ask the doctor and actually get a fucking answer? Why can't I just get the health care I need? Why do the people I'm trying to seek help from for dysphoria not understand it or take it seriously? Fml I hate this shit. I used to be able to just pretend there was nothing down there but I can't do that anymore. It fucking sucks.

Sorry for the long post. I don't really know how to make this into a tldr.