u/Mysterious_Pay805

i acc want to d** like i lit spent like 2 hours doing my makeup and i felt so good abt myself and then i go on tiktok and see a girl who doesnt even need any lashes or a lot of makeup to look good and shes lit my classmate
i gen js wish i was naturally pretty, or had natural appeal
like im talking to this guy and i feel like i am trying to hard to become his type but it never works cuz theres always another girl who will uneffortlessly be his type
I wish i looked like the girl cuz she has good genetics while i have unappealing genetics
i hate having bbd cuz i feel like an ugly girl who acts prettier than she actually is and the second hand embarrassment is so painful because i feel like im not pretty enough to speak up formyself. I dont want to talk to this guy either cuz all he does for me is make me feel more insecure. I wish we werent talking so id stop thinking about who he is attracted to cuz im not secure in myself about that. I gen feel so ashamed and embarrassed of my existence right now and i just want to delete every picture of me in existence from the face of this world. I seriously hate myself and i wish i wasnt so jealous of other girls. Theyre so nice to me but all i can think of is ig theyre prettier than me or mog me and if they do i go into denial and try to put them down which is such a horrible habit. Its honestly mentally exhausting and I hate myself for doing that. I hoenstly hate when theyre nice to me because i feel like theyre superior than me because they have a good personality AND pretty. Like how r u both and im struggling to achieve both a good personality and decent appearance. I gen like hatemyself genuinely i hate myself so much i genuibely do. I want to take a break from being myself I want to sleep
i hate myself soso much. I wish i was prettier i wish i had good appeal I wish boys liked me more. im so embarrassed of my existence and i wish i never existed
every girl in my school is SO MUCH MORE PRRTTIER. and this guy im talking to hes beautiful and when i hang out w him i see girls staring at him and theyre prob thinking "whys he out with a mid girl like me" i acc hate myself cuz ik theyre thinking that and i lowkey genuinely hate him for being attractive like why r u embarrassing me for being more attractive then me i hate u guijdjdjf

and all the other girls at my school r so naturally beautiful they dont need makeup or filters. This asian girl she is so pretty but her eyes r so naturally large while me i need like 15mm contact lenses to make my eyes decently large enough but im still mid compared to her. like what i genuinely just want to dig a hole and stay in it for life. It is so humbling and i cant accept it because im a brat and im the most stubborn person on earth. I wish i cud be more prettier. I hate myself withot makeup but other girl just pull up to school without having anything on like they woke up 10 minutes ago but its fine cuz they got good facial harmony and bone strucurr so they have appeal while i lit dont so i makeup fraud to fake my features to fake good facial harmony. i feel like such a fraud. I can never take pics unless i take them and i have strict angles where i take pics.
what is life worth for me if i cant be pretty? i genuibely dont know.
I am so self absorbed and selfish and i dont know why im like this. I wish i was just able to be decently attractive and not carr abt all of this. I know dis dude gonna leave me fr for like a cuter girl so im lit js waiting for doomsday to arrive. like im acc gonna x_X

I want to go to sleep and forget about this

for me having BDD means that every now and then i get hit with the realisation that I will never truly be satisfied with my appearance.
Today I came across a girl who, literally goes to the same school as me, with the exact features I wanted. She was what ive been chasing my whole teenage years and to see her walk past me I realised that the gap between me, who has to try hard and a naturally pretty girl it sucks and it was such a crude moment
plastic surgery does help but the satisfaction is only momentarily and I dont know any more solutions. Plastic surgery gives you hope, but once you get it you get hit with reality - that theres limitations to what it can get you. its not magic, and often the changes might be dissapointing. and i learnt that the hard way.
i wish i could forget about this and actually enjoy being with my pretty friends, like hanging out with them without obsessing over appearances but im trapped and i honestly lost all hope that ill ever live my through my youth without this disorder

fuck u mom for bringing me into this world
call me selfish but looks are genuinely so important
I want plastic surgery already but what i really need is a facial reconstruction
ill never forgive her for giving me this face
the jealousy is physically painful when i see other girls look beautiful
especially when they dont need lashes and have natural beauty
I cant show my face without wearing thick lashes that cover my failure of eyes
my face is so fucking fat ive had an eating disorder that lead me to losing my period and my face is still fucking fat when i was 43kg and thats how i realised its just my shitty genetics lol
hate being a girl too especially a young woman
looks is all what people care about and dating
i just want to get plastic surgery already
im a shit person too nothing redeeming about me and i hate my body so much
my proportions are fucked and my heads big and i lit just want to end it

i dont even see the point in trying in school
i dont want to get a job and earn money i genuinely dont care at this point
i wont live further than 30 anyway and i dont see the point in trying
i know im speaking from a place of privilege but i didnt even ask to live anyway so why do i have to do this shit
If it wasnt for society id prob die due to natural selection which is a fairer way to die because im not being forced to live and nature will put me in my place
literally once ur born ur deemed to suffer eitherway which is fucked up
My moms trying all hard to secure me a future but im going to dissapoint her because im gonna end up dead anyway
I live a decent life which people are gonna hate me for because i have no strict reason to be so depressed but i just dont understand how people arent and how they are living day to day without losing their minds
I hate my friends and I hate my dog and I hate my parents i dont care about them sorry
I dont even think i am depressed i think i am being realistic because how are people hopeful when the world is literally deteriorating and I just feel hopeless right now
I feel everyday i dont experience shit i just cut myself and watch videos on the internet and eat and walk 100 meters max
I genuinely want to just live on the internet but ill still have to pay to do that shit
i hate my body and face if im being honest if i was hot i would be less depressed because i would probably attract more hot people and i will be scientifically happy because i would exhibit happy hormones cuz ill have more oxytocin and a social life
I wish something horrible happened to me so ill have an excuse for feeling this way and it will be justified