u/NKORE_S

Please help me I dsnnout of medic quetiapine and imnsbroad I have flight on Monday xsnfngon alone girlfeien will fomeneihr me I haven't slept in 72 hours and it's bad bad bad I can't think xlesrky anumofenmynps mental inam dine but physically inhabebfever I can't go to hospifal because I'll miss my flight how to stop withdrawal

How do stop wirhdrawal

I've been sick all my life.

When I was twelve, I ended up becoming extremely sick. My life-saving medication had failed and I was in a state of metabolic acidosis for days before my dad picked me up under the shoulders and carried me to the hospital.

We waited there for six hours. I was slipping through his hands, in the waiting room, a man who was there with his wife got so concerned that he started yelling at the nurses to HELP THIS CHILD!! He got told to shut up or security would be called. I waited in a life threatening condition for six hours.

Nobody came to see me.

When they finally did, it was too late, and I was rushed off to Resus.

I have severe memory loss ever since, and fuck, I have fragmented memories that still dominate my life. I had to be resuscitated.

Next to me, my dad said - that there was someone else, a teenage girl, getting the full code. I don't remember anything from that night except for the excruciating pain.

GOD, CAN YOU FREE ME FROM THESE MEMORIES?????

I have post Intensive care syndrome.

I have severe depression.

I have post traumatic stress disorder.

I had psychosis caused by the experience. Nobody knew at the time until we connected the dots.

All diagnosed. I was in a psych ward for a year after trying to kill myself, and that was my fourth time. I've attempted over and over again and never got to the point I needed CPR again.

I became obsessed again when the kid next to me in the hospital when I was there after slitting my neck, went through a full code.

Little girl.

Brown hair.

January 12th, 2025.

I've been fucked up since I was twelve. I can't watch medical shows, when an ambulance siren goes by I've tried to jump out of moving cars and been restrained. I take pills to sedate myself to sleep each night. I inject myself with increasingly larger doses of medication even though I'm not suicidal, I'm just obsessed with being reanimated.

Any mention of CPR or anything to do with reanimation, even something like walking by a defib, makes me vomit. I've lost 10kg just this year because I've stopped eating properly. It gets better, then worse.

I've been in the hospital three times in the past three months from collapsing due to my illness, and that just -

I need to get there.

I'm sorry Reddit, but in a couple of months, I'm going to force myself to go into cardiac arrest. I don't want to jump under a train no more, fall from a staircase, get hit by a car, I want to fucking inject myself with enough insulin to floor someone. My body's been so much weaker lately because my health is worse. I can't stand it. I'm holding up a job, I'm going to university, it's all hopeless.

It's been so much worse since my family told me what actually happened that night. Everything.

The truth is horrific.

Wish me luck, I'm going to kill myself.

GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HEAD!! SHOCK ME UNTIL IM FUCKING BURNT ACROSS THE SKIN OF MY CHEST FUCK

Yeah, that's right. That stupid thing I had in my fridge that was probably years over its expiry date. For 14 years I never struggled with hypoglycaemia so bad that I could help myself, apart from like one seizure as a kid when I also had a fever. Then a year ago I suffered a massive seizure/cardiac arrest that had me in serious hypoglycaemia, and since then my body gave up. I'd always used an insulin pump and my diabetes was really well controlled - chronic illnesses have made it not ideal controllable now, but I still have 85% in range. (I'm on a new pump - that changes things as well).

That's not what this post is about anyway.

All was fine until the past 3 months where I've had three separate episodes of hypoglycaemia so bad I needed ambulance care, Resus/ICU-level care, and admissions to hospital. The first time in MY ENTIRE LIFE, where they'd used that stupid orange pen that spends years marinating in the fridge, was yesterday. I went extremely low and collapsed, was unresponsive for 40 minutes. Fortunately I'm a student who at the time was in a clinic undergoing routine tests,and the others didn't waste time, called an ambulance immediately, and when I lost consciousness and couldn't take oral glucose, they went right for the shot.

They gave me IM glycogen/glucagon/whatever that is called, into my thigh. I was unconscious, and the ambulance was redirected quickly to where I was, another student went to fetch the defibrillator in preparation for my pulse climbing well over 220. When medics came they whisked me off to hospital, stabilised my blood sugar, and now I've been moved down from high-dependency to a regular ward to work off the effects of the glycogen.

The cause of this hypo has been found as a pump problem which has been hopefully fixed now by my doctor adjusting the settings.

AN HONEST REVIEW OF THE DUMB ORANGE INJECTION:

I HATE IT.

WITH EVERY FIBRE OF MY BEING.

I spent all night when I wasn't knocked out cold vomiting, vomiting again, then vomiting to top it off. I haven't kept down a lick of water and have 2 cannulas placed now. They weren't lying when they said this injection can make people nauseous.

This morning was worst - I was writhing in 8/10 pain, where 10 is the pain I felt before going into a DKA coma, so it's my refined scale. And the diarrhoea dude... It's been coming out of both ends. They think I caught a stomach bug, and everything I've tried to eat has come out.

My leg hurts like hell, and yes, it was embarrassing waking up with your trousers pulled down and chest exposed to the elements. I don't even walk around shirtless in Polish summer, and this was in my place of education.

"You were so lucky," etc. that I didn't suffer further damage from the hypo.

But you know what?

Against all of my expectations I've ever held, the stupid orange injection saved my life.

It's been upgraded to mediocre orange injection now.

Keep that shit around.

3/10, saved my life, and saved me from eating hospital food as well, but can't eat girlfriend's brownies so life isn't worth it anymore.